Is it okay to say goodbye

[engsohere]

thank you guys for the genuine concern, but I want to make a few things clear. I am not mentally unstable or in such a state that I would physically maim my cat or myself. Note: When I describe the things I did to my cat I am not justifying my actions.

The problems begin when I stopped free feeding my cat because he would barf 3-4 times a month(I tried many type of brands and had no success with any of them; I posted a thread on this subject about 6 months ago on this forum). I found an article that suggested overfeeding could be a possible cause. When I put him on a routine of 3 meals a day that stopped the barfing, but he begin to search for food and do things to to find food that were unbearable(jumping on counters, digging into trash cans, constantly crying and meowing for attention/food...etc. Yes, that's what they do naturally when they're hungry, but the drama caused a blow up between myself and persons in my household) I got the water gun as a way to reprimand him without using force, when a few squirts didn't work I used my shoes, when that failed I yelled, screamed, chased him around the house, and scared him terribly(yes, that was abuse). I just could not get it why he would do things over and over that displeased me. Add this to the fact that I felt more and more limited in my personal life because of my responsibility to care for him got to be a chore, something that I once enjoyed but slowly came to resent him for. My love for him had dwindled to merely having him around because he was there, and somedays I couldn't bear to see him or hear his voice.

3 weeks ago I got rid of the water gun, and I have stopped chasing him. Now I just don't want to have anything to do with him most of the time. I feed him, I clean his bedding/litter box, but I don't allow him to get close to me or purr in my lap like he used to. If he does anything to upset me now I lock him in the bathroom. When I'm working at my desk he'll meow and try to get my attention but I ignore him, if he continues to meow I will hiss and stare him down. I'm putting a roof over his head and food in his dish, and he deserves more than that because it's not his fault that I've stopped caring. He still loves me despite the things I've done to him, and he probably can't understand what he did to make me hate him so much.

I said to myself if you can't love him then give him to someone who will. Someone who will love him and take care of him without any conditions. When I took him in I thought I was that person. I promised him that I would never give him up for anything, no matter what. Now I feel if I let him go I let him down and I let myself down. I just know what I'm doing isn't right and if things don't improve the cycle will just repeat over and over. I can't give or receive love unless it's in my heart, and I know right now I don't have it in my heart to love him back.

[blue]

if you can't love him then give him to someone who will.

This.

At least you recognise it, find him a new home and say your goodbyes.

[Medusa]

Now I feel if I let him go I let him down and I let myself down. I just know what I'm doing isn't right and if things don't improve the cycle will just repeat over and over. I can't give or receive love unless it's in my heart, and I know right now I don't have it in my heart to love him back.

You're not just letting yourself down, you're letting your cat down as well. If this continues, the time will come when he'll stop coming to you for food or attention or anything at all. He'll run away and possibly get hit by a car or someone may get ahold of him and abuse him even worse than you have. Or even worse, he may turn on you and give back what you've been giving to him.

The problem did NOT begin when your cat vomited a few times; it began before then inside you. The problem is not w/your cat, it's w/you. Find a home for your cat NOW and stop making excuses for your behavior and for your failure to find him a home. Neglect is just as bad as abuse. I won't tell you again to get help for yourself because you deny needing help. Very well. You don't deny that your cat needs help. SO GIVE IT TO HIM!

[pomtzu]

I totally agree with what others here have said. Please find kitty a new home, where he will be loved and wanted. He has done nothing wrong and doesn't deserve the treatment that you are dishing out to him. He must be totally confused, poor guy, since all he really wants is your love and attention. If you can no longer give that to him, please find someone who can and will.

[Lizzie]

About six months ago, I gave up a cat who I had never connected with for some unknown reason. I fussed her, cared for her, talked to her, but there was no bond and it always made me feel very guilty. I cared for her out of duty, not out of love. I also worried frantically that another home might not care for her well but her need for affection was great and I finally decided that I had to turn her over to the shelter where I volunteer. She didn't do that well in a cage at the adoption center where I visited her at least once a week. I'd taker her out and sit with her, trying to show possible adopters what a great cat she is but she was there for months. She's all black so I knew her chances of adoption were slimmer than if she had been a different color. Then, a family with two girls adopted her and adored her. They loved the fact that she demanded attention with constant talking. Now, with a four sets of hands to fuss her, and four people to pay attention to her, she is finally getting the home she always deserved.

Your cat needs a different life, and so do you. Are there no-kill shelters or rescues in your area where you can take him? People who work there are well versed in how to look for a good adoptive home and may well find a better home than if you did this by yourself. They also have lists of people who should not adopt cats, a resource you don't have and that is very, very important. You don't want your cat to go from a home where he isn't wanted to one where he might well be abused. The people on the do not adopt lists are ordinary people who would fool anyone.

If you want me to help you find a home for your cat, let me know. I live in Washington state but have a wide range of contacts in cat rescue.

[lvpets2002]

I will say this I do Admire your Honesty & that you do Relalize the kitty is of lack of love & attention.. Yes I agree with the others Say Your GoodByes & give the baby to a Loving FurrEver Home..

Yes & Welcome to Pet Talk & enjoy all the talks & pics..

[columbine]

He sounds like he's a very friendly, loving cat who wouldn't have any trouble fitting into a new home, and he deserves one where he could get the affection he clearly craves. I agree with the suggestion of finding a no-kill shelter - but so many of them are full that I don't know what kind of luck you'd have finding one who'd take him. Still, it's worth a try. Just don't offer him for free to anyone but a shelter or a good friend, or he's certain to end up in the wrong hands.

Love, Columbine

[catnapper]

Find him another home. Its the best thing for both of you.

Also, might I suggest you seek out therapy for yourself? I'm being honest and concerned, not sarcastic or judgemental. Typically, when feelings change as drastically as they have for you, there is an underlying depression or issue that you need to work through. I fought the idea of therapy for years, as has my husband... and the past 6 months of therapy has done amazing things for us individually and as a couple.