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Thread: Brand new JOKES Thread!

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    4,614

    First graders

    I just got this in an email:

    A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class.
    She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
    It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.
    Their insight may surprise you.
    While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

    1. Don't change horses...
    until they stop running.

    2. Strike while the...
    bug is close.

    3. It's always darkest before...
    Daylight Saving Time.

    4. Never underestimate the power of...
    termites.

    5. You can lead a horse to water but...
    How?

    6. Don't bite the hand that...
    looks dirty.

    7. No news is...
    impossible.

    8. A miss is as good as a...
    Mr.

    9. You can't teach an old dog new...
    Math.

    10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll...
    stink in the morning.

    11. Love all, trust...
    Me.

    12. The pen is mightier than the...
    pigs.

    13. An idle mind is...
    the best way to relax.

    14. Where there's smoke there's...
    pollution.

    15. Happy the bride who...
    gets all the presents.

    16. A penny saved is...
    not much.

    17. Two's company, three's...
    the Musketeers.

    18. Don't put off till tomorrow what...
    you put on to go to bed.

    19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...
    You have to blow your nose.

    20. There are none so blind as...
    Stevie Wonder.

    21. Children should be seen and not...
    spanked or grounded.

    22. If at first you don't succeed...
    get new batteries.

    23. You get out of something only what you...
    see in the picture on the box.

    24. When the blind lead the blind...
    get out of the way.

    25. A bird in the hand...
    is going to poop on you.

    And the WINNER and last one!

    26. Better late than...
    Pregnant.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Copenhagen, Denmark - GMT+1
    Posts
    15,952
    Qantas is the Australian airline. After every flight, pilots complete a bug report to the mechanics to make visible the problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the pilot completes and then the mechanics read and correct the problem.

    Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems that Qantas pilots have filed, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers...




    "I don't know which weapons will be used in the third World war, but in the fourth, it will be sticks and stones" --- Albert Einstein.


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    28,394
    What did the garbanzo say to the chickpea when he had a fever?
    I falafel.
    Praying for peace in the Middle East, Ukraine, and around the world.

    I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!

    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    "We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

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