I know you don't know me, but I have read your posts with sadness. I hope you'll take this as it is meant to be, in no way is it a criticism, but I just have to comment on one thing you wrote.
Alcohol is not the answer. A relationship built on the affects of alcohol is doomed from the start. Alcohol doesn't bring out the real person. Please just be very careful. This seems like a very dangerous type of relationship, especially emotionally. I really hope you do find happiness and that you will continue to share your feelings with us. Maybe you could go back through this thread and read your previous posts taking note of how often you've posted very similiar sounding events and your feelings and your resolves after each of those. Sadly it does sound like a vicious cycle. You are worth more than that and deserve better.
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