Barney is an Angel Now.

[Emeraldgreen]

I find it harder to let them go when they have had a very hard life and only a brief period when you have been able to make a huge difference in their quality of life. You want to rail against fate because they are finally in a place where they are appreciated, loved, comfortable, where they should have been long ago, and then the time is cut so very short. I let my Ginger go a few weeks ago, just as the bad weather started to hit our area. Like you, I was concerned about getting to the vet with holiday closures. However, Ginger was 22-1/2 and had had a very comfortable life. Her body was totally worn out from gracious living. Letting her go a few days earlier than might have been necessary gave me few qualms because there was no feeling that I was short-changing her. With Dagda, a few months ago, my feelings were very different because after ten years in a shelter's very crowded conditions, he'd had only 18 months with me. It seemed so damned unfair. I wanted to give him so much more time on sunny decks, in cushy armchairs, cuddled into my stomach at night, but Mother Nature wouldn't allow it. Like Barney, towards the end he seemed to choose the most uncomfortable ways to rest, lying on hard surfaces and rarely closing his eyes. Does Barney still sleep, really sleep? I waited a little longer than I should have with Dagda, he was telling me how uncomfortable and tired he was but as long as he would get up and come to me for a cuddle, I just couldn't let go. He didn't really get much pleasure from those cuddles, not enough to balance out how rotten he felt the rest of the time, it was me I was giving the extra time to.

As everyone else has said, thank you for taking in Barney and giving him the best quality of life you possibly could and for as long as anyone could. And, thank you for sharing Barney with all of us, we have appreciated it (even though my boss just walked into my office and found me with tears in my eyes!)

You have completely summed up exactly what I'm feeling and I'm sorry to hear about Ginger and Dagda. Before I logged on my husband spoke with me and said he was concerned what the animal hospital staff was going to think when I brought Barney in, later rather than sooner and in a condition that is so frail. He said "they're going to think you're some crazy cat lady who won't let go". I was in tears. I still am. I'm not that person and I love animals so much and only want to help them.

I started to think about what I might say to the vet so she didn't think that of me. How could I explain it? I was trying to understand it myself. And I thought of exactly what you wrote Lizzie. His time as a cat who has known love and warmth and security has been so short in comparison to the 10+ years without it that I just wanted to give him every extra day that I could. I want more time to show him that he is valuable and important and that somebody cares about him. But just as you also wrote, it is now more for me than it is for him. I'm having such a hard time with this.

This morning I went in and he still greets me with his morning talk and hoarse meow meow meow, eagerly waiting for me to put his plate of food down. But he had peed in his bed (the first time he's done that since he's been with us) because he had filled up the bottom of his litter box with so much pee, he understandably did not want to step into it. I had taken the litter out because it was getting stuck to his paws and becoming like cement. But this is an experiment gone wrong. I cleaned up everything, gave him new bedding and put litter back in the box for him.

I've been trying to sort out what is the best thing to do and I think this will be my plan.
I will email Angela and tell her that I plan to let Barney go on Friday afternoon and invite her to come up if she wants to be there. She is a few hours away. I will go to the vet clinic today as we have to go to town anyway and tell them that I should have probably put Barney down weeks ago but I know it's time now and I want to give Angela a chance to be there so I will be waiting until Friday. And I will ask them if there is a pain reliever I can get for Barney for the next few days. He can't be on Metacam because he is already on pred and the two can't be combined. And he has to be off pred for 48 hours before he can have metacam so that still won't help. But hopefully they will have something he can take.

I'll also pick up a bag of the kitty litter that is in pellets so he has something in there but it won't stick to his feet.

I'll try and get some more footage of him. He doesn't always sit like that if he's got something to do, like walk around the house and stuff. He's not totally miserable but he's also not all that happy either.

Thank you all for your posts. Each one had me in tears. My turn for LES I guess since I've caused so much of it myself with all these posts about Barney.

[Purr-tender]

Your posts and videos of Barney have been so important to me. I appreciate that you take the time to respond to all of us and make us all feel so much a part of Barney's life with you. Even though we are many, many miles apart, in heart I am right there with both of you, believe me! Hopefully his vet can give you something to make him more comfortable. It would be wonderful if Angela can come and be with you Friday. I hope that Barney will feel all the love that we all have for him as he crosses that Bridge and that you, too, feel our arms wrapped around you.

Barney's Angel,
Mary

[Edwina's Secretary]

Every time I look at photos of Barney I think of the cat in the musical Cats...I do not know the name...the one who gets to go to Cat Heaven?

Perhaps that should be his theme song....precious boy...

[Grace]

Every time I look at photos of Barney I think of the cat in the musical Cats...I do not know the name...the one who gets to go to Cat Heaven?

Perhaps that should be his theme song....precious boy...

I think that was Grizabella - she's the one who sang that beautiful song Memories.

EDIT: And Barney will have wonderful memories once he crosses the Bridge; and thanks to EmeraldGreen, we will have wonderful memories of Barney.

[kb2yjx]

O Lara!!! I know how hard this must be for you right now!! We have seen four cats go to the Bridge since last December, and it was not easy. The way Barney is now, reminds me of little Molly Meu. She was a real trooper. But when she started having trouble walking any length and the ascitis was increasing, making her breathing difficult, it was time.... You sound like you have a good plan. Can you let us know what time you might be bringing Barney to the vet on Friday. I would like to put a candle out on the porch for him....Do not worry about what the vet might think about you, you do what is right for Barney... Prayers for comfort at this time for both Barney and you(and some HUGS, too!!!)...Sandra

[Catty1]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grizabella
Grizabella is the "Glamour Cat" in the musical production Cats. She does not appear in T. S. Eliot's work Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, but she is a prominent character in the stageplay. It appears that she is the feline version of the woman mentioned in T.S. Eliot's poem "Rhapsody on a Windy Night".

“Regard that woman (Remark the Cat)
Who hesitates toward you in the light of the door
Which opens on her like a grin.
You see the border of her dress (You see the border of her coat)
Is torn and stained with sand,
And you see the corner of her eye
Twists like a crooked pin.”

The character of Grizabella featured in an unpublished poem that T.S. Eliot wrote for his godchildren, intending to include it in Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats. However, as his widow, Valerie Eliot pointed out, he thought it was too "sad for children" and so didn't include it in the finished work. Valerie Eliot came to the 1980 Sydmonton Festival concert where Andrew Lloyd Webber premiered some of his settings of the Old Possum poems, and gave him the paper with the fragment of Grizabella written on it. From there Lloyd Webber and director Trevor Nunn incorporated the Grizabella poem as a main strand of the plot of the show.

Grizabella is, at the time of her appearance, a very old cat, withered by her age to the point that she no longer resembles the proud, carefree, flamboyant dancer of her youth. Her fellow Jellicles are quite jealous of Grizabella and hence sadistically pleased to see her in a dishevelled condition.

Possibly because of this jealousy, it is Grizabella whom Old Deuteronomy consigns to the Heaviside Layer to be reborn. During her change, Grizabella sings the song "Memory", which has been thought of by audiences as a very emotionally touching, profound, and even mysterious composition. It has been recorded by over 150 different artists, including Barry Manilow, Michael Crawford, and Barbra Streisand.

Another interpretation of Grizabella's past is that she left the Jellicle tribe to explore the outside world ("Grizabella the Glamour Cat"), despite knowing that she would never be allowed back in. The other cats shun her for leaving them, despite that she wants to be with them again. After several attempts to gain their acceptance, Grizabella's emotional appeal (represented by "Memory") is accepted; seeing how much that she suffered, she is chosen to be reborn.

The name Grizabella is probably derived from "grizzle" which means either "grey" or "disheveled", and "belle" which means "beauty". Hence "Grizabella"; "The grey beauty" or "the disheveled beauty".

Daylight
See the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses whither away
Like the sunflower
I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day . . .

Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Every streetlamp
Seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters
And the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning

Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I musn't give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning

Touch me
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You'll understand what happiness is

Look
A new day has begun

LES

Barney, I love you. I hope hope hope there is a heaven, a 'heaviside layer'.

I hope hope hope your day is new and bright, and you are healthy and free.

You were loved, Barney, and you loved.

Bless your meowmy Lara, bless Angela, and bless you darling boy.

[rg_girlca]

Your posts and videos of Barney have been so important to me. I appreciate that you take the time to respond to all of us and make us all feel so much a part of Barney's life with you. Even though we are many, many miles apart, in heart I am right there with both of you, believe me! Hopefully his vet can give you something to make him more comfortable. It would be wonderful if Angela can come and be with you Friday. I hope that Barney will feel all the love that we all have for him as he crosses that Bridge and that you, too, feel our arms wrapped around you.

My thoughts exactly.

Dear Lara;
This tough time will end. Just know in your heart that you won't be alone. We will all be there with you in spirit holding your hand. Bless you dear lady for giving precious Barney a chance of what life is really all about and thank you for what you are about to do, give him a peaceful passing. We will never forget what you have done for him and most of all, we will never forget our dear Barney.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

[Emeraldgreen]

My thoughts exactly.

Dear Lara;
This tough time will end. Just know in your heart that you won't be alone. We will all be there with you in spirit holding your hand. Bless you dear lady for giving precious Barney a chance of what life is really all about and thank you for what you are about to do, give him a peaceful passing. We will never forget what you have done for him and most of all, we will never forget our dear Barney.
{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

Krazyaboutkatz wrote:

Lara, I think that this is an excellent plan even though it's going to be very difficult to let him go. Like Lorraine has said, you won't be alone during this difficult time and we'll all be with you in spirit and can provide lots of cyber hugs and emotional support. You're a very special lady and I want you to always remember that. Now I'm getting major LES. Please take care.(((HUGS)))

Thanks, I really appreciate that. And thanks to everyone else too for your posts too. I definitely don't feel alone in this and it makes it so much easier.

We decided not to go to town today because we have another wind storm and while we were sure we could catch a ferry there, we weren't sure if they would be running to get us back home. We were worried about getting stuck in town overnight.

Critters wrote:

They don't combine the two because of stomach upset and gastric problems, which seem to be a far less concern in this case. If they still don't want to use an NSAID, Tramadol is often used with pred for puppers (not sure about kitties). The heavy duty pain meds are also possible, so there shouldn't be any reason for him to be in pain or discomfort. You might have to push strongly for meds; I often have.

I'm sorry he's feeling so bad, and you're right--sometimes they feel like they've been a part of you forever, even when it's only been weeks or months. You made a serious difference to Barney Boy!!!!

I was thinking about that this morning. I have some Metacam on hand and thought about what the contraindications might be and if they were really a concern right now since we're not looking at long term here. I did read up about this morning and found something about gastric bleeding but maybe that is a result of combining the two long term? I will give him some and I will stop giving the pred. His last dose was this morning.

Barney is actually doing better today than he was yesterday. Why is it always like that?!?!? It's as if they know you've made the decision and then they perk up. Makes it so much harder. But what I've decided is to leave it open. I will either take him in on Friday or on Monday morning. If he is doing alright, like he is today, over the next few days, I will wait until Monday. That way I don't have to leave work early and I'm off work on Monday. And it will give me 2 more days with him. But if he gets any worse, I will stick with my Friday plan. My boss has already ok'd it.

I spoke with Terri, the woman who rents the cottage where Barney was hanging around. She is good friends with Angela and I told her that I had emailed Angela to let her know. But as it turn out, Angela is in Hawaii until the 19th.

I'll let you guys know which day I take him in but I'm hoping now I can wait until Monday, especially if the Metacam helps him feel better. He's still eating like crazy and I picked him up a couple of cans of cat tuna from our local store half an hour ago.

My husband and I are planning on having a quiet night for New Years so we'll be here to hang out with Barney by the fire. I'm so happy about that. Wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Just hope the power stays on!!! The worst of the wind should move on by late tomorrow I think.

Anyway, thanks for listening guys. It has helped me tremendously to work through this and find my way. This is the hardest part.

[Emeraldgreen]

Oh my gosh, thank you Candace! I think you and I posted at the same time because I only saw your post and Sandra's post after I posted!

You know, I've never seen the musical Cats, can you believe that?! I was going to look it up so I could see what cat Tracey was talking about but now I don't have to! Thank you. And thank you for the pics you posted and your words.

Sandra, in my most recent post a few minutes ago, I wrote that I might bring him in on Monday if he continues to do okay, like he is today. I'm hoping the Metacam will help him. I've decided to give it to him and stop the pred. But I think that is the nicest idea to light a candle and I will definitely post the day and time when I will be bringing him in. For now, I think it will be Monday.

ETA: I meant to mention in this post that after reading about Grizabella, I completely agree that Barney is so similar to her character and he is indeed a 'disshevelled beauty'. And as you wrote Candace, I too hope there is a Heaviside Layer (Heaven). I feel certain there is.

[kb2yjx]

Candace!!! That was LOVELY!!!
Lara! I cannot help recalling what Dr. Artuso said when we were remembering Raven after she went to the Bridge. I told her how I almost cancelled Raven's appointment because of the way she swiped a hot dog off my supper plate, about one hour before she was leaving for the Bridge. Dr. Artuso said she thinks our pets do the best they can to " be well" as she put it, because they want us to remember them as being well, funny, and loving, not sick, uncomfortable, and feeling badly.
Thank you for letting us know about Monday....EXTRA HUGS!!!!

[krazyaboutkatz]

I've been trying to sort out what is the best thing to do and I think this will be my plan.
I will email Angela and tell her that I plan to let Barney go on Friday afternoon and invite her to come up if she wants to be there. She is a few hours away. I will go to the vet clinic today as we have to go to town anyway and tell them that I should have probably put Barney down weeks ago but I know it's time now and I want to give Angela a chance to be there so I will be waiting until Friday. And I will ask them if there is a pain reliever I can get for Barney for the next few days. He can't be on Metacam because he is already on pred and the two can't be combined. And he has to be off pred for 48 hours before he can have metacam so that still won't help. But hopefully they will have something he can take.

I'll also pick up a bag of the kitty litter that is in pellets so he has something in there but it won't stick to his feet.

I'll try and get some more footage of him. He doesn't always sit like that if he's got something to do, like walk around the house and stuff. He's not totally miserable but he's also not all that happy either.

Thank you all for your posts. Each one had me in tears. My turn for LES I guess since I've caused so much of it myself with all these posts about Barney.

Lara, I think that this is an excellent plan even though it's going to be very difficult to let him go. Like Lorraine has said, you won't be alone during this difficult time and we'll all be with you in spirit and can provide lots of cyber hugs and emotional support. You're a very special lady and I want you to always remember that. Now I'm getting major LES. Please take care.(((HUGS)))

[momtomany]

Our Christmas miracle did happen with our Barney. He brought all of us all together, Barney's Angels, as a family as only Pet Talkers can be. Angel Lara shared and incredible journey of Barney and allowed all of us to be a part of it. For that I am thankful and grateful. Know whatever day is right for Barney to go to the Bridge, we all will be there with you and him in our hearts, minds and spirit.

[weluvcats]

for the first time tonight. I actually have seen this thread before, but avoided reading it because I knew it would upset me, but tonight I wanted to see what was going on with your Barney. What a lucky, precious boy he is to have you! My husband and I have been married for 25 years and have taken in 8 stray cats over the years, all of whom we kept except two, whom we found homes for. I know what you are going through, and my heart breaks for you and the decision you are in the process of making. We had to say goodbye to one of our beloved kitties, Billy, in June, and I still cry frequently from missing him. This decision is never, ever easy, even if you have had to make it before (we have). Please know that your Barney loves you for all that you have done for him, and when the time comes, he will, in some way, know and understand why you are letting him go. Bless you for all that you have done for Barney, and know that there are many of us here praying for you all...Judy

[rosethecopycat]

Just put some puppy pads down instead of a litterbox, it will make it easier on him.

No matter how much time his has left on this earth, he will have touched more lives than you'll ever know.

Soft Meezer songs for Barney.

[Taz_Zoee]

I am in tears. Even though I knew it would eventually come to this, it is still hard. I think all of us feel like we know Barney personally even though we've never met him.
Lara, you and Scott have given Barney so much in such a short time. I hope you realize that. He knows that and loves you for it.

I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say. I must go wash my face now.