Barney is an Angel Now.

[momtomany]

Our Christmas miracle did happen with our Barney. He brought all of us all together, Barney's Angels, as a family as only Pet Talkers can be. Angel Lara shared and incredible journey of Barney and allowed all of us to be a part of it. For that I am thankful and grateful. Know whatever day is right for Barney to go to the Bridge, we all will be there with you and him in our hearts, minds and spirit.

[weluvcats]

for the first time tonight. I actually have seen this thread before, but avoided reading it because I knew it would upset me, but tonight I wanted to see what was going on with your Barney. What a lucky, precious boy he is to have you! My husband and I have been married for 25 years and have taken in 8 stray cats over the years, all of whom we kept except two, whom we found homes for. I know what you are going through, and my heart breaks for you and the decision you are in the process of making. We had to say goodbye to one of our beloved kitties, Billy, in June, and I still cry frequently from missing him. This decision is never, ever easy, even if you have had to make it before (we have). Please know that your Barney loves you for all that you have done for him, and when the time comes, he will, in some way, know and understand why you are letting him go. Bless you for all that you have done for Barney, and know that there are many of us here praying for you all...Judy

[rosethecopycat]

Just put some puppy pads down instead of a litterbox, it will make it easier on him.

No matter how much time his has left on this earth, he will have touched more lives than you'll ever know.

Soft Meezer songs for Barney.

[Taz_Zoee]

I am in tears. Even though I knew it would eventually come to this, it is still hard. I think all of us feel like we know Barney personally even though we've never met him.
Lara, you and Scott have given Barney so much in such a short time. I hope you realize that. He knows that and loves you for it.

I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say. I must go wash my face now.

[Emeraldgreen]

Our Christmas miracle did happen with our Barney. He brought all of us all together, Barney's Angels, as a family as only Pet Talkers can be. Angel Lara shared and incredible journey of Barney and allowed all of us to be a part of it. For that I am thankful and grateful. Know whatever day is right for Barney to go to the Bridge, we all will be there with you and him in our hearts, minds and spirit.

I think it's a miracle too that he made it to Christmas and to New Years and that my husband let him come inside. And as you said, bringing people together. All positive.

weluvcats wrote:

Emeraldgreen...I've just read your posts about Barney...for the first time tonight. I actually have seen this thread before, but avoided reading it because I knew it would upset me, but tonight I wanted to see what was going on with your Barney....
This decision is never, ever easy, even if you have had to make it before (we have).

Wow, that's ALOT of reading for one night! This has turned into a long thread! I guess the beginning of the thread title that never changed 'Barney is hanging in there' does sound kind of sad. But it only started out sad, got happy and is now getting sad again. But as so many have pointed out, there is more to be grateful for than there is to be sad and I'm going to really try and focus on that.
It's true, it never gets easier to put an animal down. I think Barney will be the 11th pet I've had to make the decision about in my life. I always pray that they will pass during the night so I won't have to make that decision but it never works out that way.

rosethecopycat wrote:

Just put some puppy pads down instead of a litterbox, it will make it easier on him.
No matter how much time his has left on this earth, he will have touched more lives than you'll ever know. Soft Meezer songs for Barney.

I did look at those puppy pads and thought about putting them under the litter box because he does get in the box but pees over the edge. But the ones I saw in town were so expensive. And if I just put the pads down without the box, I think he would pee in his bed again. It's not so bad and as long as I keep on top of cleaning his paws each day, it should be okay.
I will hug Barney for you.

Taz_Zoee wrote:

I am in tears. Even though I knew it would eventually come to this, it is still hard. I think all of us feel like we know Barney personally even though we've never met him.
Lara, you and Scott have given Barney so much in such a short time. I hope you realize that. He knows that and loves you for it.
I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say. I must go wash my face now.

I feel like you guys know him too. He went from being homeless to having the biggest family ever!! And while he may not know it now, I think he will when he gets to the Bridge.

kt_luvs_kitties wrote:

I am so sorry Lara. I am truly sorry. *HUGS*
Barney, I am sorry you did not get the life you deserved. But you had the best end to a life anyone could ever imagine. When the time comes, I hope you have a easy passing, and know that your meowmie loves you so much, and tried her very best everyday just for you, special boy.
If you need anything, PM me. And please give Barney a kiss, and tell him it is from me

Thanks Katie.

Jenn_Librarian:

I think most of us have been hoping beyond hope that this would turn out differently. Wishing on a PT miracle. Well, I think we have seen a miracle, and I think that's been Barney showing us what love and dedication and a pure heart will do to revive a broken animal.

You've helped heal his soul, Lara. You and your hubby both. You've done a wonderful job, and unfortunately with that job, comes the part of having to say goodbye to Barn Barn for all of us. That is a great weight upon your shoulders, my dear.

Please know that we are all here, everyone of us, behind you in this. You have seen this beautiful soul of Barney's day in and day out, and you know he will let you know when it's his time to go.

I'm sure Gary will have the Cat Angel Army out for him when he goes, so that he will have other PT kitties to welcome him with open arms and let him know how special he was to all of us. And maybe Mr. Phred will have Peanut and fellow "silver klowd kats" come down and help him on his way to the Bridge. Lord know he deserves it.

I'm crying my eyes out now of course, and I'm so sorry that you do have to go through this alone, but know we are all there, and we all love you for what you have done for Barney. You are truly Barney's #1 Angel.

(((((HUGS))))) to you and Scott.
Love, Jenn

Thank you so much for that. As it turns out, Gary's Cat Angel Army and Phred's Purrayer Pups posted just as you thought they might.
I appreciate what you wrote very much Jenn.

Medusa wrote:

I just got my computer back; another bad virus, so I was w/out it for nearly 3 days. Barney's was the first thread I went to and I'm just so disheartened to read this, even though I knew that this would eventually happen. Lara, I wish I could be there to help you through this. You've done so much for our Barney and this is so difficult for you, I know. I can recall how I felt when my Puddy was going downhill. It seemed as though I'd make the decision to help her to the Bridge and then she'd rally. My very last post was when you had told me about trying the B complex injected into her bag of fluids and she did so well for two days, it was as though I had my ol' Pudilator back. My last words were "Life is good". Then she suddenly took a turn for the worse and was gone w/in one hour. So I can understand and totally relate to your dilemma w/not knowing if you should let Barney go or not. All I can say w/certainty is that I can see on the video how he's deteriorated but you are the one who is giving him such good care, so you are the only one who can know for sure when it's time. However, it's clear that Barney is ready at any time now, if that's any consolation. You won't be selling him short; you'll be doing the last act of kindness for him but only when you know that he's just plain had enough of this life.
I love you, Barney and I love you, too, Lara. You're the best. ]

Thank you Mary. I will do my best to remember that this is an act of kindness when I take him into the vet. If I think of it this way, it will make it easier. Thanks for checking in on the Barney as soon as your computer was up and running! A true Barney Angel indeed!

Cinder & Smoke wrote:

Ready, Barney? We'll call fur da Taxi <dials God>
< dials da Kat Division > ... < rinnnng >
Hi God ~

Purrayer Pups here wiffa KatHats on ...

Wunder iffin You kan ask Tubby an Peanut ta gas up da Silver Klowd Express fur
a Taxi run down here onna ole Durt Ball fur lil Barney?
He's gotta 'pointment inna KatShop next week fur a major overhaul ta get
ebberthing fixed up fur his New Assignment next year. He's got his appikashin in
wiff Boots da Kat inna frunt office ta be assigned to a lil Kid that needs a Kitty Buddy.

He'll be waitin atta White Coats, wiff Miz Lara ...
Gib her a BIG {{{God'sHug}}} an tell her GOOD JOB!!

Drop Barney off onna Bridge ... Unka Gary reserved da Bridge Room so's da
Kat Angel Army kan toss Barney a nice *Welkome to da Bridge* Partee.

We'd like ta wish Barney a Safe Trip to da Bridge,
an Good Luck on his New Assignment.

< sniff >

THANKS, God.
/s/ the Purrayer Pups

Well... this made me cry ALOT last night! I didn't log on until after midnight and then couldn't stay on because I was crying so much! But, it was the best. Thank you to the Purrayer Pups for getting hold of Tubby and Peanut and God for that matter!! I love the idea that Barney is going on assignment and has a brand new future ahead of him with a little kid which means he'll of course have a family. I'm going to think of this often. Thank you so much!!

Barbara wrote:

Oh my- these last pictures of Barney show how frail he is.
And no- no kitty pees easily in his bed.
I know I will have to take that decision some time- and I'm afraid it will be in this year to come so I wish you and Barney all the best for his long trip.
I know he feels your love- and being loved that much is the best thing that could ever have happened to him.{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}

Yes, he's quite a skinny mini now. He still eats like a horse but just can't keep the weight on. Thankfully he only peed in his bed that one time though and since I put the litter back in the box, he's been very good.
I hope you won't have to make this decision this year. Prayers that Filou will continue to eat and recover.

Catmandu wrote:

I KNOW THAT THE ANIMAL ANGELS ARE WITH BARNEY , AND WILL BRING HIM SOMETHING SPECIAL FROM THE WALDORF ASTORIA WHERE THEY AHVE THE FINEST FOOD FOR THIER NEW YEARS EVE PARTY.
AND THEY WILL BE THERE TO ESCORT BARNEY TO THE RAINBOW BRIDGE, WHERE THE WINGS OF SILVER AND GOLD AWAIT, AND SOON HE WILL TRAVEL WITH THE ANIMAL ANGEL ARMY TO THIER TRIP TO THE PACIFIC SOUTH SEA ISLANDS OF BORA BORA AND TAHITI
YOU HAVE MADE HIM SO HAPPY , AND WHEN THE TIME COMES YOU WILL REUNITE IN LOVE.
ONE FINE DAY. WE ARE PARYING FOR BARNEY

Thank you. I love the idea of seeing him again one fine day. And thank you to the Animal Angel Army for being there on the other side for Barney to welcome him.

Moesha wrote:

I don't want to be sad about Barney. I'm going to try to focus on the positive things from these last few months of his life. He has brought so many people all around the world together to show him love. He is one very special guy. And even though his time with all of us is brief, he'll definitely leave a mark on hearts far and wide. We'll be here to support Emeraldgreen and eachother when it is time to say goodbye to BarnBarn.
Yesterday 02:25 PM

Barn Barn is a special guy and you're right, it's important to focus on the positive parts of this whole thing and there are so many.

kb2yjx wrote:

I have to agree with Moesha. Barney has brought all of us from so many places around the world together, to all fight for him to get better, and now to pray for him to have a comfortable passage to the Bridge. This is such a special group, and we do this over and over for anyone who needs our support. Right now, those who need it the most are Barney, Lara, and Scott!!! We are here for you!!! Sandra

Thanks Sandra. I'm so thankful that he has many people out there to pray for him. It means alot.

Medusa wrote:

Yes, I'm of the same mind. Of course, it's sad when any animal is ill and it can be disheartening but Barney has crammed years of good living into a few months time. He's known more love from you, Lara, and from PTers the world over than most animals will ever know, especially outdoor cats to which many people turn a blind eye and deaf ear. Barney has definitely become the poster boy for love. Difficult to be sad about that.

It's true, it's not about quantity but instead, quality. It has been short but it has been good. I couldn't have done it without you guys either.
He's warm as toast and I think he knows that I love him and that's what counts. He still tries to attack me sometimes but a few minutes later, he'll bonk his little head on my leg. Never a dull moment with the Barnacles.

I filmed some footage of Barney walking around the house on New Year's Eve and put them altogether in one video. Sorry it's so long, it's about 4 minutes. And it has the usual annoying darkness to it. You wouldn't believe it, I have every overhead light on in the livingroom but it still shows up dark. Drives me crazy. When my husband got off the phone he said "why do you have the house lit up like Walmart?!?" LOL I said "I'm doing a Barney film!"

Anyway, Barney seems to be doing okay on the Metacam. He wobbled around quite a bit and then finished it off with a big plate of wet food. He gets about 6 plates of wet food a day and has a constant supply of dry food available. He eats so much but is still so thin. To be honest, it would be easier if he would lose his appetite, then I'd know for sure it was time. It's hard when he is so eager to eat and still meowing and stuff. But I can't ignore that tumor or how thin he is now.
I have definitely decided that tomorrow is not the day. I've been planning for Monday but I have been thinking that Robin (the vet) maybe doesn't work until Wednesday. I would like her to be the vet that does it as she is the one who has cared for him from the start. But of course, if he gets any worse, I will take him to any of the vets at the clinic. I will call them tomorrow on my lunch break to find out her schedule.

Here is a pic of Barney last night in our living room and below that is the video. I wish I could lighten it but I don't know how. Some parts aren't as dark as others though.

[Catty1]

Please give Barney kisses and hugs for me.

[pomtzu]

I had to smile watching Barney's last video. He's warm and dry and has a full belly - it almost makes one forget how sick he really is. I couldn't help but think "it's not time yet", but Lara, you are the one who sees him everyday and knows what's best for him. You have done such a wonderful job with making his last days as comfortable as possible and you should have no regrets or doubts regarding his Bridge date. I think I can safely say that we all back you 100%.
Hugs to you and Barney!

[critters]

pee pads--Human pee pads are bigger & are usually cheaper if you still want to use them.

[Scooter's Mom]

Happy new year hugs and kisses to our Barney.
Lara, you have done so much for this sweet boy. Most people would have seen his pitiful shape at the beginning and just put him down then. You're an angel for him.

Give Barney a gentle hug and kiss from me, would you?
Crystal

[Barbara]

Thinking of you and Barney today.

[Emeraldgreen]

I know I just posted about Barney but wanted to respond to the previous posts too.

pee pads--Human pee pads are bigger & are usually cheaper if you still want to use them.

I never thought of that. It would have been the perfect solution and I could've put one under the litterbox so it caught all the pee that spilled over. As it is, I use about 1 roll of papertowel every 2 days to clean up after him.
If I make his appointment for Friday instead of Tues or wed, I might pick some up.

Scooter's Mom wrote:

Happy new year hugs and kisses to our Barney.
Lara, you have done so much for this sweet boy. Most people would have seen his pitiful shape at the beginning and just put him down then. You're an angel for him.
Give Barney a gentle hug and kiss from me, would you?
Crystal

Thanks Crystal. Hugs have been given to Barney for you.

Barbara wrote:

Thinking of you and Barney today.

Thank you.

Randi wrote:

Lara, it was good to see Barney exploring, it must have felt good getting around a bit, and it's so sweet the way he follows you. He is such a trooper!

I know, he is so funny how he does that. I'm the food lady though so he keeps a close eye on where I'm going and what I'm doing. I 'could' be getting something yummy so he doesn't want to miss it.

MBones wrote:

Lara and all the other PT'ers,

I mostly just lurk and don't ususally comment all that much, but I wanted to let you know that I have also been following the saga of our dear Barney; the first thread that I always check is this one. I've never been one to easily convey my feelings, so I don't say much. But, this little boy has touched my heart like no other. Like you all, I am a certified "crazy cat lady" and have a real soft spot in my heart for those dear animals who need our intervention in order to see that they have the life that all God's creatures deserve.

My DH and I visit the pet stores and shelters to spend time with the animals and it is always heartbreaking to hear their sad stories, and hope that someone like us comes to rescue them. I cry pretty easily when I hear these stories, but rarely have I been so affected as I have by Barney's tale. My heart breaks for this poor boy who spent so much time in the wild trying to survive as ill as he is.

Lara, I cannot thank you enough for taking Barney in and caring for him as you have as well as sharing his story with us. There is a special place in heaven for you, where Barney will be waiting for you one fine day. (To quote Gary.) He is such a special little boy who has been most fortunate to have been able to share the joy and love of being in a warm home, with food, comfort, and most importantly, love. He now knows what love is. This is reflected in how patient that he has been with you throughout all of your care; removing the mats in his fur, the repeated baths, clippings, trips to the vet, ear cleanings, etc. He knows you were trying to help him and ease the hurt. He knows without a doubt that you love him, as do we all.

Bless you and Scott, too, for the affect that you've had on him. I wish Barney could know the effect that he's had in others as well. I can't tell you enough how he's impacted me, and in the best way, too. Times are tough and the news everywhere is so gloom and doom, and yet, here's our Angel, Barney, showing the best in all of us. Look at how he has united all of us, and impacted your husband. I just love this little guy, I feel like I know him. I wish I could just take him in my arms and hold him close, as we all do.

My heart breaks for you as Barney's condition deteriorates. Remember the love that he has shown you as you wrestle with the upcoming days ahead. I will be thinking of you and Barney in the days to come. Remember this final act of love for Barney as it is all he asks of you. Thank you again for all you have done for this lucky guy; I wish all other needy animals were as lucky to have found someone like you.
Peace in the days ahead for you and for Barney.
Now, I've got to go and clean this darn blurry monitor. Funny, it blurs up every time that I'm in this thread; why is that?
Love and Peace to you and the Barnster.
Mary

Thank you Mary (Barney has so many angels named Mary! ). I think you conveyed your message so well and I'm glad you did. I'm also happy to hear that he has impacted your life too. He's got a way about him.
The other day a man who rents the other little cottage on the property where my coworker lives came into where I work. I decided to ask him if he had ever seen Barney around the property, thinking maybe he once belonged to this guy at some point. But he has only lived there for just under a year. But after I described Barney, he said "ya, I have seen that cat. He used to sneak into my house and steal my cat's dry food. Everytime he saw me though, he'd bolt."
When I thought of poor Barney having to steal another cat's food, it made me sad but so thankful that he didn't have to do that anymore. He's got his own bowl of kibble and it's always full.

kb2yjx wrote:

Lara, thanks for the latest video!! Barney actually LISTENS to you!!! I have mentioned this to the Clan!!! Please give Barney a kiss from all of us!!

It does seem like he can hear me but when I'm filming him, I wiggle my fingers to get him to come to me. And, sometimes he just chooses to follow with the hope of treats.

Catty1 wrote:

He is so much a part of everything - your house, PT - it seems impossible he could be 'gone'.
I suppose vet Trudy will agree with letting Barney go. I have these ridiculous thoughts like "she'll say, 'oh we can aspirate this and he'll have a few more good months' and stupid things like that.
Like with my mom's Pyka - and my sister - we had to put our own feelings out of the way and put what was best for Pyka and Darcia first.
Please, kisses to Barney for me! *les*

I feel the same way. It's going to be kind of lonely when he's gone. But I will hope that he will be with us in spirit. I'm kind of thinking about getting a reading done after he is gone. I've used Monica Diedrich a few times, including for Tiger and would like to know what she could tell me. Might be silly and useless but would provide some comfort I think.
I don't think the vet would advise anything regarding the tumor though. Of course I will ask though, I promise. But he is also having just as much trouble with his other ear and that tumor is deep inside his ear and is the one that bleeds when he scratches it.

Weluvcats wrote:

I am heartened to see that Barney has had such a good Christmas and New Years...Although it can confuse and complicate the issue of "when." It's strange that sometimes when you feel that you've made the decision, the little sweethearts seem to perk up. I know...we've been through that more than once. Whatever (and whenever) you decide, blessed Barney will go to the Rainbow Bridge knowing love, warmth and kindness, and that you were the source of all of those, and he will take that with him. All of our thoughts and prayers are with you and Barney.
Judy

Thank you so much Judy.

Purr_Tender wrote:

Lara, we've been gone since Wednesday. My husband and I rented a cottage with a huge stone fireplace and took my parents with us for New Years. I have been going crazy not knowing how Barney was and if Friday was still the day. What a relief to see the wonderfull video of him enjoying a stroll through your house with you. My goodness, how I love that boy!! I felt like I was there. I kept saying "come on Barney, come on Barney" since we don't actually see you it could be any of us that he was following like a little puppy. So sweet. It's good to know that he does still have an appetite. Like Catty said, I too have those thoughts that when Barney's vet sees him she will be able to buy him some more quality time. But, you are there with him, you see his decline. When the time comes you will do what is best for him, no doubt.
Love to both

The cottage you rented sounds lovely. I'm glad to say that Barney is still with us. I'm just trying to figure out which day to bring him in. Sometime this week.
It's true, it could be any of us that he is following around because everyone has been so caring about Barney and checking in to see how he is doing. He belongs to all of us, or perhaps I should say we all belong to him.

Edwina's Secretary wrote:

Lara,

I often see the expression "Let me be the person my dog thinks I am..."

As I watched the video of Barney I thought...'You are the wonderful person Barney thinks you are!

I have always loved that expression about the dogs! Thank you so much for what you wrote. I really appreciate it.

E.T.A. Mary and I posted at the same time. Just wanted to respond to her post too!

Purr_Tender wrote:

Oh Lara, I am so terribly sorry that you have this awful, painful task. My heart is breaking, just as yours is. You have been blessed with a loving heart, which in a time like this, seems like a curse. We are all very much feeling your pain but I know that really isn't much consolation.
With a very heavy heart,
Mary

Thanks Mary, it is very consoling.

[weluvcats]

I just read your post...My heart breaks for you and for what you are facing this week. Please don't apologize about "going back and forth" with this decision. It is a horrendous place to be.I have been exactly where you are more than once, most recently last June. Your story with your Barney sounds so much like what we went through with our beloved Billy. He had chronic renal failure, and he was at the end and was just skin and bones. The only decision left was 'when'. We were giving him sub-q fluids at home, and I had enough to last him till Tuesday of the week he died, so I scheduled the appt. for Tuesday morning thinking that that would be a logical day, unless something changed. But, that weekend, he went south on us, despite some good moments when he would seem to perk up(bless his precious little heart). Monday morning, he had essentially stopped eating (even his favorite, tuna) or really drinking, and it was obvious he had had enough. I called my husband at work and he came home, and we decided that we couldn't make him wait another day. I called our vet, and we took him in about an hour or so later.
I guess the reason I'm telling you this is that there is no perfect time for this. We had prepared ourselves for Tuesday, but fate intervened, and it became Monday. And you know, it was okay...He had had enough, and Billy, bless his heart, hated the vet. He NEVER in his life purred at the vet-EVER. But, right after he was given the sedative, he looked me right in the eyes(I was sitting right in front of him), and for the first time in the last twelve hours of his life, he really saw me and smiled (you know how cats 'smile' with their eyes?)...I could see it in his eyes, and he started purring, and I told him that we loved him, and God bless him, that is how he left us. I will never forget it as long as I live... It was time.
Lara, I think you just have to ask yourself, "Will tomorrow be better(or worse) than today for Barney, or will it just be more of the same?...Is he really living, or is he just existing?" That is how we made our decision to let Billy go. Maybe, this will help you with your decision. Our hugs and prayers are with you all...
Judy

[Emeraldgreen]

I had to smile watching Barney's last video. He's warm and dry and has a full belly - it almost makes one forget how sick he really is. I couldn't help but think "it's not time yet", but Lara, you are the one who sees him everyday and knows what's best for him...

I have that 'it's not time yet' feeling every morning. He jumps up when I open the door and walks over to me, waiting for me to put the plate of food on the floor. It's our usual routine so he knows I have food. I learned from another PT'r in a PM who is a nurse that even though he remains hungry, the fact that he continues to waste away means the cancer is stealing all the nutrition. I needed to know that because his appetite is so strong and makes this decision unbearable. Part of me wishes he would stop eating so I could be more comfortable with this and I know how awful that sounds but that's where I'm at.
I certainly wouldn't put him down if it was just that he was skinny because he's always been thin. But he's thinner than ever and his ears are really causing him grief. He twitches them constantly and scratches them and the exposed tumor so often that his left back foot is stained with blood. I clean the walls each morning to get the yucky stuff that flies out of his ears when he shakes his head.
He will come out of his room if I coax him but now he only comes if he thinks I'm dishing up food. He tends to head back to his room by himself and sits where I usually put his food. It's his main focus now.
I've got the heat cranked in the bathroom so he is really cozy. My husband is complaining about it but I don't care. I want his last days to be as comfortable as possible.
I contacted the clinic on Saturday and Barney's vet isn't in on Monday. But she does work Tues, Wed and Friday. I feel absolutely sick about picking a day. I know I just need to get on with it but I literally feel sick about it.
The other thing is that I have just enough insulin to last until Tuesday morning. I suppose if I thought Barney should/could stay with me until Friday, I could pick up another vial of insulin tomorrow. We are going to town anyway. My husband already doesn't understand why I'm postponing it. I work on Friday but could get someone to work for me.
When I make the appointment, I will make sure the vet gives him a sedative first so he's pretty much out of it by the time they put him down. I'm going to have him cremated as well. There is a non-private cremation where you don't get the ashes back but I feel like in all this time, he didn't have a family and now he does. And this family wants to remember him and sprinkle his ashes in the garden just like all of the other pets we've had. I want him to know in spirit that he meant enough to me to treat him the way I would treat any other of my cats when their time comes.

So, I'm sorry for going back and forth about this. I wish it was a clear decision and it just hasn't been. I do know with certainty that it will be this week. I just need to set the appointment for either Tuesday, Wednesday or Friday. I should know by tomorrow what will happen and will post. Thanks for all your support you guys. This is just the worst and I've had butterflies in my stomach for days now.

[Purr-tender]

Oh Lara, I am so terribly sorry that you have this awful, painful task. My heart is breaking, just as yours is. You have been blessed with a loving heart, which in a time like this, seems like a curse. We are all very much feeling your pain but I know that really isn't much consolation.

With a very heavy heart,
Mary