Barney is an Angel Now.

[pomtzu]

Oh Lara - major LES here! My heart just aches for Barney and for you as well. It's obvious from his video that he is fading, and he does appear to be quite miserable. The only saving grace here is that he still continues to eat. What a little fighter he has been.
I know that you are are torn between wanting him with you for a while longer, and letting him go. I think that all of us with fur kids have faced that same situation at some time in our lives. I don't have any doubt that you'll know when the time is finally here, and that you'll help Barney on to RB. My prayers are with you and Barney - for Barney to have a peaceful journey and final sleep, and for you to be strong!
Hugs to you both, and please give Barney a gentle little kiss from me on the top of his sweet little head!

[Pinot's Mom]

I think the quote on the bottom of Pomtzu's post says it all:
"The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power
To tell just when the hands will stop, on what day, or what hour.
Now is the only time you have, so live it with a will
Don't wait until tomorrow - the hands may then be still."
You have "lived with a will" with Barney and I think he's loved you for it every step of the way. This decision is heart wrenching, but you know in your heart what is best for Barney. He does, too.

Thank you for sharing him with us and know that God will be with you both to guide sweet Barney where he needs to go, to guide you in your decision, and to heal your heart in love. You have no regrets; you've been a wonderful and caring mom to Barney. Bless you!

[Randi]

LES here. It's heartbreaking to see Barney in the state he is in now. He is standing there, not knowing what to do, and not enjoying life. I'm feeling SO sad. How I wish he could speak up and let you know what he wants you to do.

He has been fighting very hard to survive, but now, with all his issues and his old age, I think he's about to give up. He has definately enjoyed your care, and taking him inside was the best that could happen for him. He must have thought he had died and gone to heaven.

I know it's a very hard decision you now have to make, but I do believe that Barney will want you to let him go. You, and all of us will miss him very much, but knowing he has been cared for and had so much love in the past few months is a little comfort.

Until we all have to say Goodbye to Barney, is it possible for you to give him some painkillers, so he at least is not in pain? That is my main concern now. I would hate to think Barney entering 2009 in pain.

I'm sending lots of kisses and positive thoughts to Barney, and big hugs to you.

[ramanth]

Poor old guy. I'm sorry to hear that Barney isn't feeling well. He knows you love him though and he knows you'll do what you feel is best. At least someone cared for him and that was you.

[Lizzie]

I find it harder to let them go when they have had a very hard life and only a brief period when you have been able to make a huge difference in their quality of life. You want to rail against fate because they are finally in a place where they are appreciated, loved, comfortable, where they should have been long ago, and then the time is cut so very short. I let my Ginger go a few weeks ago, just as the bad weather started to hit our area. Like you, I was concerned about getting to the vet with holiday closures. However, Ginger was 22-1/2 and had had a very comfortable life. Her body was totally worn out from gracious living. Letting her go a few days earlier than might have been necessary gave me few qualms because there was no feeling that I was short-changing her. With Dagda, a few months ago, my feelings were very different because after ten years in a shelter's very crowded conditions, he'd had only 18 months with me. It seemed so damned unfair. I wanted to give him so much more time on sunny decks, in cushy armchairs, cuddled into my stomach at night, but Mother Nature wouldn't allow it. Like Barney, towards the end he seemed to choose the most uncomfortable ways to rest, lying on hard surfaces and rarely closing his eyes. Does Barney still sleep, really sleep? I waited a little longer than I should have with Dagda, he was telling me how uncomfortable and tired he was but as long as he would get up and come to me for a cuddle, I just couldn't let go. He didn't really get much pleasure from those cuddles, not enough to balance out how rotten he felt the rest of the time, it was me I was giving the extra time to.

As everyone else has said, thank you for taking in Barney and giving him the best quality of life you possibly could and for as long as anyone could. And, thank you for sharing Barney with all of us, we have appreciated it (even though my boss just walked into my office and found me with tears in my eyes!)

[Emeraldgreen]

I find it harder to let them go when they have had a very hard life and only a brief period when you have been able to make a huge difference in their quality of life. You want to rail against fate because they are finally in a place where they are appreciated, loved, comfortable, where they should have been long ago, and then the time is cut so very short. I let my Ginger go a few weeks ago, just as the bad weather started to hit our area. Like you, I was concerned about getting to the vet with holiday closures. However, Ginger was 22-1/2 and had had a very comfortable life. Her body was totally worn out from gracious living. Letting her go a few days earlier than might have been necessary gave me few qualms because there was no feeling that I was short-changing her. With Dagda, a few months ago, my feelings were very different because after ten years in a shelter's very crowded conditions, he'd had only 18 months with me. It seemed so damned unfair. I wanted to give him so much more time on sunny decks, in cushy armchairs, cuddled into my stomach at night, but Mother Nature wouldn't allow it. Like Barney, towards the end he seemed to choose the most uncomfortable ways to rest, lying on hard surfaces and rarely closing his eyes. Does Barney still sleep, really sleep? I waited a little longer than I should have with Dagda, he was telling me how uncomfortable and tired he was but as long as he would get up and come to me for a cuddle, I just couldn't let go. He didn't really get much pleasure from those cuddles, not enough to balance out how rotten he felt the rest of the time, it was me I was giving the extra time to.

As everyone else has said, thank you for taking in Barney and giving him the best quality of life you possibly could and for as long as anyone could. And, thank you for sharing Barney with all of us, we have appreciated it (even though my boss just walked into my office and found me with tears in my eyes!)

You have completely summed up exactly what I'm feeling and I'm sorry to hear about Ginger and Dagda. Before I logged on my husband spoke with me and said he was concerned what the animal hospital staff was going to think when I brought Barney in, later rather than sooner and in a condition that is so frail. He said "they're going to think you're some crazy cat lady who won't let go". I was in tears. I still am. I'm not that person and I love animals so much and only want to help them.

I started to think about what I might say to the vet so she didn't think that of me. How could I explain it? I was trying to understand it myself. And I thought of exactly what you wrote Lizzie. His time as a cat who has known love and warmth and security has been so short in comparison to the 10+ years without it that I just wanted to give him every extra day that I could. I want more time to show him that he is valuable and important and that somebody cares about him. But just as you also wrote, it is now more for me than it is for him. I'm having such a hard time with this.

This morning I went in and he still greets me with his morning talk and hoarse meow meow meow, eagerly waiting for me to put his plate of food down. But he had peed in his bed (the first time he's done that since he's been with us) because he had filled up the bottom of his litter box with so much pee, he understandably did not want to step into it. I had taken the litter out because it was getting stuck to his paws and becoming like cement. But this is an experiment gone wrong. I cleaned up everything, gave him new bedding and put litter back in the box for him.

I've been trying to sort out what is the best thing to do and I think this will be my plan.
I will email Angela and tell her that I plan to let Barney go on Friday afternoon and invite her to come up if she wants to be there. She is a few hours away. I will go to the vet clinic today as we have to go to town anyway and tell them that I should have probably put Barney down weeks ago but I know it's time now and I want to give Angela a chance to be there so I will be waiting until Friday. And I will ask them if there is a pain reliever I can get for Barney for the next few days. He can't be on Metacam because he is already on pred and the two can't be combined. And he has to be off pred for 48 hours before he can have metacam so that still won't help. But hopefully they will have something he can take.

I'll also pick up a bag of the kitty litter that is in pellets so he has something in there but it won't stick to his feet.

I'll try and get some more footage of him. He doesn't always sit like that if he's got something to do, like walk around the house and stuff. He's not totally miserable but he's also not all that happy either.

Thank you all for your posts. Each one had me in tears. My turn for LES I guess since I've caused so much of it myself with all these posts about Barney.

[Purr-tender]

Your posts and videos of Barney have been so important to me. I appreciate that you take the time to respond to all of us and make us all feel so much a part of Barney's life with you. Even though we are many, many miles apart, in heart I am right there with both of you, believe me! Hopefully his vet can give you something to make him more comfortable. It would be wonderful if Angela can come and be with you Friday. I hope that Barney will feel all the love that we all have for him as he crosses that Bridge and that you, too, feel our arms wrapped around you.

Barney's Angel,
Mary

[krazyaboutkatz]

I've been trying to sort out what is the best thing to do and I think this will be my plan.
I will email Angela and tell her that I plan to let Barney go on Friday afternoon and invite her to come up if she wants to be there. She is a few hours away. I will go to the vet clinic today as we have to go to town anyway and tell them that I should have probably put Barney down weeks ago but I know it's time now and I want to give Angela a chance to be there so I will be waiting until Friday. And I will ask them if there is a pain reliever I can get for Barney for the next few days. He can't be on Metacam because he is already on pred and the two can't be combined. And he has to be off pred for 48 hours before he can have metacam so that still won't help. But hopefully they will have something he can take.

I'll also pick up a bag of the kitty litter that is in pellets so he has something in there but it won't stick to his feet.

I'll try and get some more footage of him. He doesn't always sit like that if he's got something to do, like walk around the house and stuff. He's not totally miserable but he's also not all that happy either.

Thank you all for your posts. Each one had me in tears. My turn for LES I guess since I've caused so much of it myself with all these posts about Barney.

Lara, I think that this is an excellent plan even though it's going to be very difficult to let him go. Like Lorraine has said, you won't be alone during this difficult time and we'll all be with you in spirit and can provide lots of cyber hugs and emotional support. You're a very special lady and I want you to always remember that. Now I'm getting major LES. Please take care.(((HUGS)))

[critters]

And I will ask them if there is a pain reliever I can get for Barney for the next few days. He can't be on Metacam because he is already on pred and the two can't be combined. And he has to be off pred for 48 hours before he can have metacam so that still won't help. But hopefully they will have something he can take.

They don't combine the two because of stomach upset and gastric problems, which seem to be a far less concern in this case. If they still don't want to use an NSAID, Tramadol is often used with pred for puppers (not sure about kitties). The heavy duty pain meds are also possible, so there shouldn't be any reason for him to be in pain or discomfort. You might have to push strongly for meds; I often have.

I'm sorry he's feeling so bad, and you're right--sometimes they feel like they've been a part of you forever, even when it's only been weeks or months. You made a serious difference to Barney Boy!!!!