Dear Lut,
I am so sorry to hear of your great loss. My mom has been gone for 14 years now. I understand how you feel. When a parent dies especially a mom no matter what your age is you always feel like a seven year old who just wants their mommy. It does get better I promise you that. Hold on to the happy memories, you will find yourself laughing through your tears.
Your mom is an angle now, always with you. I talk to mine all the time, especially when I plant flowers, she loved to garden as do I. I will be outside planting marigolds and snapdragons talking up a storm. "Mom do you think the pink should go next to the yellow or the white"? The neighbors must think I am a crazy lady but I know she is right there in that flower bed with me. Sending you a hug and many prayeres, Monica