Richard, I am so sorry. The hard part is, mom is contributing to this mess. Sigh.

My Dad lives with me, and I handle all his care. He has been to the lawyer, has all the documents in place. If something happens to me, my cousin steps in; NOT my brother. I'm not sure my brother even knows. (He's been told, but whether it stuck is another thing entirely.)

I often wish I could ask bro for help. It has been hard to face the fact that I am on my own with all this. He only lives 4 miles away. Three weeks back, Dad fell during the night, took care of himself and didn't call me. Next morning I found out because I saw all the blood on the floor (head wounds are notorious for bleeding!) As I'm cleaning up, I twisted funny and hurt my back. So now Dad needed lunch. Dad called bro and asked him to pick up salads at McD's. Bro "said" OK, but then decided not to do so. Meantime, Dad took his insulin shot. Long story short, Dad passed out and we all went to the ER, Dad by ambulance. Where Bro informed everyone this was MY fault; I should have had protein bars in the house or had Dad call pizza delivery, not HIM, HE isn't food delivery service!

I get a LOT of support from the senior center in our city, there is a social worker, nurse, and elder care information specialist available. Now with the vascular dementia diagnosis, I am also getting lots of help from the Alzheimer's Assn. This stuff is all free, so check around if there is something available to you. I also attend a caregiver's support group, at least once per month. What is said in there stays in there, and there are many family issues discusses in addition to the health care of the 'patient.' Again, all free.

Think carefully before seeking a guardian ad litem. All mom's money / assets could well be spent on lawyer fees, court fees and guardian costs. NO ONE in the family will have a say in anything once a guardian is appointed. Give input, perhaps, depends on the person, but the ultimate decision is out of the family's control.

I had posted about a resource for those caring for someone with either a chronic, or a terminal, condition, to maintain contact without phoning umpteen relatives and friends. You type in the latest info and that is it. They can sign up if they want (it is free) and then they get notice when you post something. May have helped with the bro who didn't know mom was moved from the hospital to a nursing home, not sure. If they don't want to give you their email addy, that is fine, you don't need it. You just let them know the site is there, it is up to them to log on. It is www.caringbridge.org

I hope some of this helps!