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Clams Not Really Happy, Say Experts
OSLO, Norway (AheadOfNews.com) - Marine Biologists at the prestigious Clam Study Center have determined that the expression "happy as a clam" is apparently not based on actual clam psychology.
Dr. Lars Nilsbokken, head Marine Psychobiologist at the center, says that clams are rarely happy in most environments. "Imagine that you have no eyes," he says, "and that you have no arms and legs, and that there is a constant battering of waves that prevents you from hearing well." He hunkers down and holds his thin hands above him, wiggling his fingers. "All you've got is a big mouth, and a foot."
"Now imagine that there is a psycho after you, who is hundreds of times larger than you, and has a sturdy shovel. You can't run, so you try desperately to hide, but you have to be at the surface of the sand to eat. At any moment, you may have to dig for your life, using your one foot." Dr. Nilsbokken's Reebok wiggles frantically in sympathy.
"So the answer is 'no', clams are not happy. Clams are neurotic, fearful, desperate, and lonely." Nilsbokken adds, "If you want happy, I recommend cats. Cats don't need anyone else to be happy, and sometimes, even if you don't want them to, they'll come over and be happy with you."
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