He is not and has not been who you thought he was. You will never know the REAL person he is. You talk like you still "love" him but who is it that you love (he does not exsist)? He will change to be what/who he needs to be at the moment, to get through that moment. You could not ever trust him, it is his nature to lie and manipulate and he has taken advantage of your trust and who you are.

The first thing you have to do it to love YOURSELF and realize your own worth. You have to be your own best friend and treat that friend with the love and respect she deserves. Never settle for less, second best or someone who will lie and manipluate you... YOU deserve BETTER!

WHO you are is not who is on your arm or holding your hand! That is not what makes you, YOU! You may not be the prettiest flower in the boquet but you are still a flower and still need to bloom fully. He will not give you the nourishment you need to fully bloom but will try to stop that and will someday crush that flower to keep it from blooming. Be the flower you can be and get out of that toxic water!