*Basically, I got 4 missed calls from him during the day. I got 3 voicemails (that I just later deleted without listening to) from him. I get in the car after the spa sessions (soooooo wonderful, btw, JUST what the Doc ordered! ) and call Kevin. I can tell from how he says, "hello" (that, and his multiple calls) that he's back in his "camping mood" - just what I DONT need.

Long story short (I promise this time), he tells me that he thinks I should TELL my mom that I'm leaving. When I ask 'why??' in my "are you CRAZY??' voice, he says, "Because, they gave you a place to live!" as if I'm some ungrateful child!

I'm sorry, but WHO THE HELL is HE to say that to me??? A flood, no, a million TIDAL WAVES came rushing through my brain of feelings and memories as if they'd been waiting for the action or words from Kevin that would just be IT. Done. Here they come and there's no backing up those waves! At once, I remembered everything I went through because of the *hit KEVIN pulled growing up - not normal brother stuff - we're talking I had ZERO social life because Kevin was the bad boy who needed constant supervision and thus had to have someone at home for him in case of ANYTHING, so guess who HAD to be stuck at HOME every summer from 5th grade to 12th grade? I lost so many friends - what teenage wants to stay at someone's house all the time??? All the stuff he pulled, landed BOTH of us on our "dad hates us" list. I've covered for him for years and years. When he'd get in trouble while I was home and he was out doing whatever he wanted, I'd get in trouble as I was supposed to "guess" when he was being bad....ect.etc.etc. That is just ONE example of all the crap they pulled on me! I've "gotten over it" in that I accept it as poor education on my mom's part and that one day, Kevin will thank me for all I've done for him. Guess I hafta figure out how to get over it again, huh??

I guess I've resented them both for ruining my childhood, but Kevin was a mixed up kid. Now that he's older, he just, well is becoming a loser. I was shocked that he didn't see my side - I've always been there for HIM and took his side because he was my brother. Now, when I'm FINALLY able to get out on my own - a feat that has been impossible with my body causing my life to crash down around my ears - he acts as though our wonderful, perfect mother is the victim in all this! That I, the only one that's had his back since Day 1, am the ungrateful one.

Why? Is it because I'm finally, for the first time, thinking of myself for a change? If thats ungrateful....that good, I'll be it. If it means being free and clear of the not only TOXIC, but truly mean people, then you can call me whatever you want!

I'm sad that I have to loose him too. He's said he'll help me with whatever I need help with...and promises not to tell my mom. But, we'll see.

I'm just so ready for it to be 2/2. I'll be HOME, finally and with my kitties - all four - and with a new roomie! Then on 2/3, we'll wake up together - one meowmie, one ball of kitty in OUR bed, finally.

And I'll have gotten through it...because my PT Family is fabulous and wonderful and the family God found for me.


Thank you all so very much!!!


Love you ALL,
Kelly, Noah, Basie, Phoebe & My Micah

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO