To sum up what my gma made me feel like:

Doesn't she know I already have in the back of my mind CONSTANTLY (every second of every minute of my LIFE!) the fear and worry that I may become very ill again and loose my job? I don't need to be reminded when my job is to DEAL with it IF it arises, not live in terror each second.

I'm trying to explain this, but don't know if I'm doing well.

I NEED to plan for IF that happens (which I have in the form of this insurance check and the savings I'll start with it) and then REMOVE the worry because that alone WILL make me sick. When she already knows my fears combined with the heart wrenching possibility that I may never speak to my parents again...it just hit me right where I worry. It added to an already overflowing sense of dread, terror. This is my LIFE. I AM terrified my life will repeat itself, but I cannot dwell on that.

I can only react and plan and pray.