Desperate Help Needed - Noah

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Phred, Brody's mom made a very generous donation that will go towards it. I'll be paying that Friday along with what I can pay. Should make it go down a little.

Thanks for sorting that out for me Val

[NoahsMommy]

My heart seems to be on a constant emotional rollercoaster. I get upset/scared/sad at home or in dealing with some other issues...then I come here and my heart SOARS with happiness, gratitude, gratefullness (is that a word?), and above all, LOVE.

I've said it so often, but each time, it comes from my heart. You are all sooooo very wonderful to me...I'm the luckiest person, ever! You have all blessed me more than I can imagine, more than I can say.

Thank you so very, very, very much.

Love, Kelly

P.S. I'll update on the apt in a bit. I have to finish a project first.

XOXOXXOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

[carole]

Kelly how anyone could not love you is beyond me anyhow, you are the sweetest, loveliest person i have had the privilige and pleasure to meet online, and i know you are like that in real life too, one can only wish everything of the best for you, cannot wait to hear about your appointment, hurry finish your project lol.

[NoahsMommy]

(((((Carole)))))
Thank you for your kind words, you're so sweet!

Well, so far everything is going well with the apartment. Kristin is VERY, VERY cool and we're working out my credit issues and even the cat deposit between us. I'm meeting her tomorrow to give her a check for the first months rent and half of the deposit she paid. I'm getting an insurance check in a week or so from the car accident/s I was in, so I have that money to help me move in and also have a buffer in the form of a savings account in case I get sick and need extra money to keep me independent.

The check I'm giving her tomorrow after work came from my grandma who is #1 keeping my 'escape plans' secret and #2 has been very supportive of me when I need to talk, vent, cry or just need prayers. When I get the insurance check, I'll pay back my grandma for the money I need to get to Kristin.

So....its all going as planned. My only obsticals now are:
*Waiting until 2/2 to move (because its a Saturday)
*Figuring out how to move things from my parents house
*How/what to tell them after I'm out of there

Any advise, ideas are much appreciated.

Hugs,
Kelly

P.S. I'm planning on asking my brother to help me move 2/2. I have my futon (now my bed), my desk and a bunch of boxes in a storage unit we share. I just have to be CERTAIN he keeps my move secret. I'm 99.99999% certain he wouldn't tell my parents, but I'm being EXTRA cautious.

[sasvermont]

K, I know this move will be good for everyone, including your folks. I hope your brother respects your decision and knows how to stay loyal to you. It sounds as though he too is subject to your Mom's rath. I trust you have enough love left that you will be civil and kind when you tell her. I wouldn't think anything else of you, but boy, can times like this (coming up) can be ugly. Take the high road honey, and keep saying things "positive", even if things turn dark on the moving day. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I bet your folks will be surprised and feel as though you did things behind their back. They seemed to give you no choice!

I wish you luck, and a smooth transition to your own place. I bet once you get there, you will be thrilled.

I wish you were closer. I have a fully furnished apartment that my Mom is leaving (probably this weekend).....and it is just right for the person needing a quick place - and in a nice environment.

Anyone else need a place to live.....furnished......???

Keep us posted dear Kel.

[zippy-kat]

Best of luck to you, Kelly!!

[Karen]

I have an idea! How about your brother arranges to take your parents out for the afternoon on that Saturday ... takes them to dinner or something. That would give you time to move out safely, and you can signal him on his cell when it's all clear, without them knowing he was involved.

[gini]

Dear Kelly, I wish you the best of luck and happiness with your move.

You are getting some good advice here - I would add that maybe you tell your parents how grateful you are for all that they have done for you. It sounds phony - but truly they have given you a place to live - well, maybe not "live" but at least reside. I am just following up on the "positive" suggestions that Sasvermont has given you.

I would at all costs try to avoid any confrontation with your parents. You don't need the stress - it isn't good for your health. Keep your mind on how happy you are going to be in your new home and WITH YOUR CATS!

Also - will you be able to immediately transfer your mail to the new address?
I wouldn't want to see that insurance check go astray!!! You are counting on it.

When you get settled in - take a deep breath - and know that life will now be much better and happier for you.

I will put a check in the mail this week for Balcom for Noah's care. How I remember that little boy when he was at my home. He thought he was in charge until I had a little talk with him - and he looked at me like WHOA
and then backed off. He's orange - and comes with attitude

[Laura's Babies]

Gee Girl, the fewer people that know, the better it is and less likely someone lets something slip. Once out, will you then have controll of your money again? I certianlly hope so, otherwise this can get really ugly!

I have to ask, is your mother bipolar? Maybe even undiagnosed bipolar? I hate to think someone would treat their child like that well into adulthood and could help it. You don't have to answer me, it is just something for you to think about.

I will be back to work on 2/2 so I am going to have to wait until the end of Feb to find out how it went and how you are doing. Let me wish you well now and there be nothing but sunny days and peace in your life for you and your babies. May it be a wonderfully happy reunion for you and the babies.

[NoahsMommy]

OK, first, I need to vent and request a pep-talk of what I already know. You know how it is, right?? Then I'll answer all questions. Actually, I'll do the opposite, answers first.

OK. My parents, I owe them money for when I got my divorce, got fired 4 times due to my Crohn's Disease and needed medication, to pay my bills, etc, etc, etc. I've been paying them something (even when on unemployment and it BARELY covered my bills) each month and in the past few months that I've been more stable, they've been getting a significant payment monthly. ($500/monthly) Because I owe them money for a debt that began in 2005 (I was in the hospital for MOST of the year, jobless twice, had my surgery and left David to move on my own - then lost the apt.) they've demanded that I give them my paychecks and spousal support checks. I didn't know this when I moved home...it was "explained" one payday when my mom asked how I was going to pay for medication or a co-pay and my response was, "I'll go cash my paycheck and pay that way." (I didn't have my own checking account because I was going through a divorce - they tend to freeze your accounts during the time when it becomes final.) She said, "Oh no you wont! With all the money you owe us, you need to give that money to us. WE will work on a budget and give you what you need. That is more appropriate, don't you think??" (Do I need to say this wasn't a suggestion, or tell you what tone it was said in???? )

And thus, the money control began. I stressed that I needed a savings account and we put that in my mom's name. Luckily, I've had to USE that money for Christmas/Birthday presents, medication when my COBRA wasn't active and one month ALL my expenses because I had to pay for some deductables, two new tires, etc. etc. etc. I say luckily, because I wont need to "battle" with my mom to get that money as there isn't much in there!! ha ha

I physically HAND over my endorsed checks (paychecks and alimony) to my parents. This is something I will not have to do in the VERY near future (YAY!!!) and once again be in charge of my money. MY MONEY.

The timing is perfect because in February, 3 large bills will have been paid off, freeing up almost an entire paycheck. That alone can cover most of my rent and I'll still have another paycheck and my spousal support. The insurance check I'm going to be getting (as well as my spousal support) will be sent to my friend CiCi's house.

This insurance check will also be my savings - a substantial buffer for me just in case something happens work or health-wise. BUT, on those fronts, I'm doing VERY well!!!!!

RE: my grandma
Staci is correct, this is my paternal grandmother. While my parents include her occasionally, it would be VERY fishy for my grandma to ask THEM to do something. She's a quiet, simple person and have ZERO in common with my parents. Also, my grandmother is a HORRIBLE actress and wouldn't be able to do it. She gets upset/stress VERY easily and well, this would add to that. GREAT idea though...really, thank you so much for your brain storming...it really is helping me!

RE: Kevin, my brother
I think that I can trust Kevin to help me move and to keep things quiet. My parents only see him about once a month and he is secretive by nature anyway. He was raised in the same house and has been treated the same way...he left our family for 4 years and only recently came back. Any guesses WHY he left? My mom treats him like the prodigal son...he can do no wrong and even when he does, she wouldn't DREAM of treating him like she does me, otherwise, he'd go away again.

I'm grateful that Kevin DID go away for all those years, because I know that maybe one day my mom will give me that same respect he gets now. Maybe I'll have my day as the prodigal - even though I've ALWAYS been the good one. (I don't mean I'm happy Kevin ever left, I missed him daily and would break into tears just thinking about him with worry. The day he called me is easily one of the BEST days in all of my life. And, he called ME....then her. He saw ME...then her. Does that tell you anything?)

Having Kevin & Krista (his gf) take my parents out for a day may prove to be an EXCELLENT idea. I could at least get some thing out of the house. I have a bunch of boxes in their storage shelving in their garage. Unfortunately, its above where you park your car, so I'll need help. That's my problem. I'll have to see if CiCi and her hubby could maybe help me.

Then Kevin could help me get my stuff out of our shared storage unit. My bed is in there - the futon that was in my Calabasas apartment. My parents pursuaded me to sell/give away most of my furnature to help me save on storage costs. It was a good idea as it saved me money and I haven't been stable health/job wise until now. But, now it leaves me without a lot of furnature. That isn't a big deal to me or Kristin and we'll get our furnature together, eventually.

I'm taking my computer...so they'll have to figure things out for themselves that way. They've only recently been using one anyway, so it wont be a huge shock for them.

The best part? I'll get to pickup ALL my kitties and take them HOME!!!!!! I'm soooooo excited!!! WOOHOO!!! This is going to be so wonderful.

VENT: Gosh, its such a long story with tons of background info. Basically my grandma called me this morning all upset and worried I was making the wrong decision. First, my grandma would rather live with abuse than rock the boat ANY DAY. I'll just leave it at that...it is how she views life and responds to it. I hope that gives enough information so that all you/I have to do now is consider the source and keep my faith in myself and in what I know in every cell of my body to be the right thing.

My gma knows that if I leave my mom's home, I can never return A: if she's that upset and B: she's TOLD me I only get to come home one time. Well, I'm GLADLY leaving and WOULD rather live in my car than come back to her. Gma said, "with all the times you've gotten sick and lost jobs, are you sure you want to do this??"

I UNDERSTAND her concern. But I've been working this all out for at least a year. Financially its the perfect time, job-wise it it as well. Even my health has been the best its ever been in the last 10 years! I'm even LOOKING better physically!! As soon as I made this decision, it was like the heavens opened and angels sang! I know it my heart this is right and every professional involved in my care is telling me to GET THE HECK OUTTA THERE!

Anyway, hearing her this morning made me feel...well like she didn't have faith in my health, my job, my decision, my future. I KNOW my decision is 150% correct and I need SUPPORT, not what she did.

I was very, very kind with her, of course. I thanked her profusely for her love and concern. She only wants the best for me - but we're very, very different people in very, very different situations. I asked her to continue praying for me and that I understood her concern.

Wow, did all that gma stuff make sense? Have you all fallen asleep with this WAY TOO LONG post???

RE: Letter to parents
This is most likely what I will do. But I wont be calling THEM afterwards, at least not right away. I'll need to guage the situation. I 100% expect this action on my part to "make" them sever the relationship. I don't expect them to understand ANYTHING I say to them. But, I will do it with love, kindness and respect...despite the lack that I get in return.

I AM VERY GRATEFUL to have a place to live...I'm grateful for a lot and will be very positive and repeatedly grateful in this letter.

OK, I think I addressed everything. If not, I will later.

Thank you all, for so much....

Love, Kelly & Kitties!!! (YAY!!!!!!!!!)