I need help....

[catnapper]

I honestly do feel its bi-polar. She has always been great for 6 months or so, then sunk low to bad behavior for 6 months, then back up. Textbook bi-polar. We are apparently in a low point. I was SO PROUD of her last year, up til June. Then in July, it all turned around really bad.

The funny thing is I HAVE been acting like she doesn't exist. Been doing that for the past 9-10 months. I gave up on that one Christmas Day after the fight because it was not working at all. She LIKED that I acted like she didn't exist because she did whatever she wanted without anyone telling her that she was making a mistake. She COULD stay out til 4:00 in the morning without someone coming down on her asking her what she was doing til 4:00 and telling her 4:00 is waaaayyyy too late to be rolling home. She came home at 4:00 last night. Hubby called her and asked her what she was doing out and to get her butt home. It took another 45 minutes before she got home.

He'll mention her late nights again this afternoon and she'll ignore him like she always does. Then she'll pop some caffeine to work a double today at work because she's running on 3 hours sleep. Then she'll go out after work with friends and roll home around 4:00 again tonight. Up again after 3 hours sleep tomorrow. More caffeine to get through work. And the cycle continues until she ends up in the hospital again. She learned nothing from her scary hospital stay a few months ago.

[moosmom]

Kim,

I do hope she gets the helps she needs to get through this. This family needs a little peace and harmony. I just hope she follows through with the appointments and meds and tells the doctor EVERYTHING, or it'll all be for naught. He can't help her if she isn't totally honest with her doctor.

You're in my prayers everynight girl. (((((HUGS))))))

Donna

[Emeraldgreen]

Hi Catnapper. I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. It sounds like you are a very strong person though so somehow, someway, you're going to make it through this.
I read all of your posts and it sounds so frustrating that your husband isn't helping to correct this situation. I thought I'd recommend a book that my brother read (he's 44) and he said this book has changed his life. It's called WILD AT HEART and is written by John Eldredge. I have not read it yet but I intend to read it in a few weeks. But it's basically about showing men how to be good fathers, sons, friends etc.. and how to be strong and firm but loving. I signed a copy of this book out from the library for my husband and he is reading it right now. Every time he puts the book down he says to me "ya, this book is pretty incredible". He and my brother say that the book helps men realize why they do the things they do because of how they were raised etc.. and how it goes back to how their father were raised and so on. It helps them see how the pattern has developed over time so they can stop it and become the best man possible here and now.
Anyway, it just occured to me that if your hubby was up for reading it, he might get something from it and make the decision himself to change rather than changing because others are telling him to. I know my hubby HATES being told what he should be doing, even if what I'm saying makes all the sense in the world!!! But if I can somehow get him to come up with the idea himself, or at least let him think he is...LOL then he is so much more willing to change or do whatever needs doing.
Below is a link to an Amazon site that has a link with over 300 reviews by people (mostly men) who have read the book.
Take care. I'm praying for you and your family that peace will be yours in the very near future.

link about Wild at Heart book

[ramanth]

*hugs* Kim. You've been given some good advice.

There is no violence in my situation, however it is a situation I can't control which causes me to have nervous breakdowns.

My therapist recommended Co-Dependents Anonymous. http://www.coda.org/

I'm pretty much at the point where I have to make a choice too. Leave or stick with it.

Good luck hon. I hope it all works out for you. *hugs*

[Rachel]

Seems like some of the problem is that there are no *rules of the house* nor consequences for the unacceptable actions. Yes, these are all adults living here, but who is paying the bills? If you and hubby are helping to support these adult children and they are living in your house, you two have the right to set certain expectations of behavior while they live under your roof...and that includes a curfew. If they don't like the rules, they need to choose to live elsewhere. It seems as if there is a bit of enabling going on, albeit unintentional. The tactics employed by hubby and you have not been successful. Time to seek some help from a professional to try a new plan of action. It is not good for the little child in this household to live in such a volitale situation.