I need help....

[catnapper]

kim, i am praying for you and cameron. please consider packing an escape bag for him, and keeping it in your car. make sure you always know where your keys and shoes are. make sure you have money. make sure at all times you can scoop him and run if he's there. i know what i'm talking about here. if the adult female is this volatile and dangerous, the TWO of you need an planned escape pack and route. also, make sure cams' pediatrician knows whats' up and can document any thing. protect him and yourself. kindest regards

One big step ahead of you. We also already have (and have used) a safe house for him.

[Grace]

What about a safe place for the cats?

[caseysmom]

Correct. The youngest is 18. All are adults in this house. I won't say if the girl in question is the 18 year old or 20 year old.

You don't have to say....its so sad that one child did seem to turn around for a while...could it be depression from all the new responsibility?

[joycenalex]

grace, you're right, what about the cats? abusers can and do go after the animals.

[Catty1]

Kim, some encouragement for you from Dog House: "The Meanest Mom on the Planet"

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,321239,00.html

'Mean Mom' Sells Son's Car After Misdeed

1 day ago

DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Jane Hambleton has dubbed herself the "meanest mom on the planet." After finding alcohol in her son's car, she decided to sell the car and share her 19-year-old's misdeed with everyone — by placing an ad in the local newspaper.

The ad reads: "OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet."

Hambleton has heard from people besides interested buyers since recently placing the ad in The Des Moines Register.

The 48-year-old from Fort Dodge says she has fielded more than 70 telephone calls from emergency room technicians, nurses, school counselors and even a Georgia man who wanted to congratulate her.

"The ad cost a fortune, but you know what? I'm telling people what happened here," Hambleton says. "I'm not just gonna put the car for resale when there's nothing wrong with it, except the driver made a dumb decision.

"It's overwhelming the number of calls I've gotten from people saying 'Thank you, it's nice to see a responsible parent.' So far there are no calls from anyone saying, 'You're really strict. You're real overboard, lady.'"

The only critic is her son, who Hambleton says is "very, very unhappy" with the ad and claims the alcohol was left by a passenger.

Hambleton believes her son but has decided mercy isn't the best policy in this case. She says she set two rules when she bought the car at Thanksgiving: No booze, and always keep it locked.

The car has been sold, but Hambleton says she will continue the ad for another week — just for the feedback.

[moosmom]

Kim,

You know I love you and you're one of my best cyberfriends, so when I say this, I mean it wholeheartedly and with good intentions...

Y'ALL NEED TO GO TO A SHRINK!!!

(((((HUGS)))))) to you honey. Call me anytime.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Correct. The youngest is 18. All are adults in this house. I won't say if the girl in question is the 18 year old or 20 year old.

whoever it is, clearly needs psychiatric help

[catnapper]

Kim,

You know I love you and you're one of my best cyberfriends, so when I say this, I mean it wholeheartedly and with good intentions...

Y'ALL NEED TO GO TO A SHRINK!!!

(((((HUGS)))))) to you honey. Call me anytime.

Awww sweetie, you made me smile. She does have an appointment at the end of the month. Her insurance stinks (doesn't all of ours?) and thats the earliest appt she could get. Personally I think she needed to tell them she's SEVERELY depressed and acting out... she'd have gotten one a week ago if she did. I know all of her behavior is based on depression. I've been there and understand what she's feeling. I know the feeling of "no matter what I do I'm wrong" and "everyone is out to get me" and "Nobody understands me!" etc. I KNOW what she's feeling. What I don't know is HOW nobody else but me saw it all along and nobody else but me said she needed help (I've said it since she was 12)

Now, it is exciting that she has an appointment in 2 weeks. I'm hoping they give her medicine AND weekly sessions. I'm hoping they point out I'm the one who has stood by her more than anyone else. I'm the one who offered a parental role to her when she needed it most. She might not like everything I had/have to say but its all with the intentions of keeping her safe from doing stupid things that would hurt herself.

PS: As for her hurting the cats. Thats not going to happen. She actually likes the cats and she knows hubby's reaction will be worse than mine. She knows those cats are his best friends and she knows by doing anything to harm even a whisker would be sheer suicide on her part.

[jennielynn1970]

PS: As for her hurting the cats. Thats not going to happen. She actually likes the cats and she knows hubby's reaction will be worse than mine. She knows those cats are his best friends and she knows by doing anything to harm even a whisker would be sheer suicide on her part.

Wait... so Grant will go to bat and protect the cats, but won't back you up??? That's messed up, lol.

[caseysmom]

Kim, Do you think it could be post partum depression? That can be very serious, and mom's have done horrible things that suffer from it.

[catnapper]

Wait... so Grant will go to bat and protect the cats, but won't back you up??? That's messed up, lol.

Sad but true. He honestly thinks he IS protecting all of us. He is so lost... he basically walks around in a funk wondering where he went wrong raising his kids. I swear he needs the meds too, but he refuses. He says "get over it"

[catnapper]

Kim, Do you think it could be post partum depression? That can be very serious, and mom's have done horrible things that suffer from it.

I think she had depression thats been untreated for years, but I think post partum is making it worse.

You have no idea how long I've said she needs help. I could tell immediately that she needed help but nobody else thought so.... well except his sister who suffers from bi-polar disorder. She has been the only one who agreed with me about everything from the beginning.

I really do feel for the girl. But I also want to strangle her at the same time. I'm hoping meds and therapy will turn her around. I've said since we were first married that she'd be the weak point in our relationship. My exact words were "she'll be the death of me"

[caseysmom]

I hope they help I have taken my daughter to two counselers and she acts all normal when we go so nothing is ever done.

[NoahsMommy]

Kim,

First, this is your home, your life...so I'll support you in whatever you feel is right.

Second, I don't know if you know who Dr. Laura is...but she sounds a lot like the "Meanest Mom in the World" ad. She is very, very, very ethical and is a no nonsence type of woman. She has a radio show and is a pyschologist. One day a man called in to say that his step-son had gotten voilent with his wife, the boys mother. This boy was around 15 or 16 and seemed to have no other father figure until this step dad came along...so he obviously had some issues. Anyway, Dr. Laura had some EXCELLENT advice in my opinion.

She said to go on living as though this kid DOES NOT EXIST. The entire parental unit MUST do this. You do not make food, do laundry, look at, touch, smell, go near...even WALK OVER this kid...or address this kid AT ALL. 100% of the time as far as you and hubby are concerned, she does NOT EXIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This will show your horribly misbehaved, ungrateful 'child' that unless she treats everyone in the family with the respect and care they deserve, she is DEAD to you all. I know it sounds harsh, but if you think about it, its a WONDERFUL idea. You'll have to let her cry, kick, scream, complain, yell, etc. The ONLY time you'll entervene is if she's voilent and she tries to hurt others. Then you would make sure that victim is safe and call 911. Be factual, honest and don't get emotional. Don't give ANY attention to this "child" whatsoever, for ANY reason. She can figure out how to feed and cloth herself. If you all as a family go ANYWHERE, she doesn't get included, she is INVISIBLE....she does NOT EXIST.

I trust Dr. Laura 150%....more than that even when it comes to advice on how to raise children because she ALWAYS has their interests at the very top of her heart.

The only problem I see you facing is having hubby comply. But...if he's good at ignoring the bad, he can ignore ALL of his child. Tell him it'll help her...maybe that'll work??? I don't know the entire situation, we all don't, so I can only hope and pray this would work. Its kind of what you do now as far as talking to her...just kick it up to the extreme.

Hugs, Love and Support,
Kelly

[NoahsMommy]

Re: the tactic I wrote about in my above post....

I've also seen this done on 'Super Nanny' and 'Nanny 911' and it WORKS beautifully!!! If she's going to act like a 2-year old behaviorlly, treat her like one - like she doesn't exist.

Acknowledging her behavior is buying into it.