Dear Candace,
I too can relate so well to what you are saying. That's me too, sigh.. "I just don't know where I am supposed to go, what I am supposed to do. Not fit, no niche. What kind of job.." ..63 years old, and I'm still figuring out what I want to do when I grow up! (At least I've learned I want to do whatever I can to help cats.).. etc., etc., ..
Thank you for sharing as much of your story as you did. I also realize how very little I actually know about you (though I have picked up a hint here and there of a varied and fascinating history). Just from what I do know from PT, I like and respect and admire you immensely. I know you are both very bright and very kind, rare enough qualities to find singly let alone together in people by and large.
You are the one who constantly comes up with perceptive comments and valuable suggestions and kind/wise/tactful words when others are confused or hurting or angry. As far as I'm concerned, you are welcome to vent all you want, what with all you give of yourself to animals and to everyone else facing hard or sad times.
I hope I can encourage you a little. All I can suggest at the moment is take it easy as much as you can. Answers to all the big questions are not required immediately, are they? You're not being graded on your choices? Do what you need to do when you need to do it, and otherwise be as gentle and kind to yourself as you can.
Sit tight for now and enjoy your kitties and having your mom nearby. Write in your journal, and .. you started the Flylady course? Hey, just LAST WEEK someone tipped me off about Flylady.com, I took a look, and she sounds like JUST what I need!.. if I can find the time.. Sigh, one of these days I must get organized.. etc., etc., .. Please tell me how you are finding that.
Don't be hard on yourself. You have already recognized one thing you really want to do, "To make things better for pets in the area, and am working on that." You really are doing wonderful things for pets in your area and in many other areas too. For instance, your work on behalf of developing more pet-friendly rental housing and getting such tenants and landlords together is an impressive and badly-needed effort of which you should be very proud.
And if you want another change after Texas, you (and Oscar and Cole too) are also welcome to come visit me and my four kitties in our 2-room apartment in Ann Arbor.. For that matter, bring Helene and the Furr Purr Clan along too! (Elmer is already so excited and can't wait for Taccoa to arrive!)
May I echo Helene's words: Many Thanks For Being Just You.. We would not want you to be any other way.
Love and {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} and ~~~~~~PURRS~~~~~~ to you.
Pat, Peony, Sydney, Poppy, Elmer, and Priscilla Angel and the other angels
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