Sweetie i really feel for you, depression is the pits, I know you say it is not that alone,but sometimes it can indeed just be as simple as that,do feel free to reach out to any of us here, many of us sadly have experienced just how bad this can be, just know you are not alone,if you don't feel like doing the xmas thing, i say to heck with it,where is the written rule that one has to celebrate xmas anyway, only participate if it helps you, you have to put yourself first sometimes and do what is best for you.

I can only hope whatever it is in your life that is making you feel this way and that you have no control over,subsides and you can indeed start to feel your happy self again, take care and never be afraid to ask for help. HUGS