Stress in our lives - a time to share

[Pawsitive Thinking]

And I was feeling a bit sorry for myself Compared to what you are coping with I have no problems at all - excuse me while I nip off to count my blessings and to say a quick prayer for you

[lizbud]

(((HUGS))) 59 is much to early to give up on life's possibilities. Must
you be the one to care for your mom without any other help from family
members? It sure sounds like you are due for some positive changes in
your life & I hope they come soon.

[carole]

I am so sorry to read of all the stress you have been having in your life,i have had my share like everyone else, but they are pale in comparison, i think you have had enough, you poor thing, i can only imagine how hard it has all been, i am a highly stressed individual myself, it does not take much to make me feel that way, but gosh you have had so much, you must be stronger than you think my dear, to come through all that, i can only hope and wish for better times ahead for you and that you can retire as is your wish and soon, take care and giant gentle hugs to you.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I'm sorry to hear that so many of you are going through such hard times. I don't know what kind of words of comfort I can give, so I will just send some (((hugs))).

Angie, I'm sorry to hear about your marriage. I am responding to your post because I have a father who was extremely controlling and verbally abusive. My mom was married to him for nearly 30 years, and I had to live with him for almost 16 before my mom finally left (My brother was already 20 and he has a lot of issues from living with him).

She left because of me- I was completely miserable. But you know what, she never regretted leaving for a second and it's been nearly 9 years. I wish she could have left for herself, but I guess if she left for me that was good enough because I was just as happy to leave. If you cannot leave for yourself, then leave for Buddy and Sierra because they depend on you just like I depended on my mom.

Please, you can do this for yourself and your pets. (((Hugs))) to you.

[Edwina's Secretary]

SallyAnne...is self-employment an option for you? I left the corporate enviornment just over three years ago. My income is not back up to what it was when I worked in a corporation but it gets better each year. And it is a liveable income.

One of my sisters took an early retirement package at 59. She considered the self-employed route but decided to go to work for a non-profit. Again, the income is not what she was accustomed to earning, but she loves what she does and feels good about doing it.

My other sister retired from teaching at 58. She tutors and works in a program for seniors at the YMCA part-time.

Being self-employed doesn't mean you don't have to deal with difficult people...but you have more control over when and how much you deal with them. It requires discipline (more than I have sometimes... ) but can be very rewarding.

It can also leave you more time to take care of things...like your mother's needs -- and your own.

So there are options. Sometimes the options are not as obvious and it takes some digging to find out what those options are.

My thoughts are with you....

[K9soul]

Thank you for the thread and for your thoughts and empathy towards others going through hardship and stress despite going through a tremendous amount yourself. I admire that, as I know for myself I sometimes get so caught up in my own stresses I don't even feel I have the 'energy' mentally to think about the stresses others are going through.

I've just had the most difficult 2 years in my life. In this past year my husband decided he wanted a divorce, his family cut me off immediately and I did not see or hear from them again, I still had to spend a year in the same house with him as an upstairs/downstairs "roommate" situation because I had no where else to go and neither of us could afford the house alone at the time, I started working two jobs and 12+ hour days. I got a puppy (before I knew I'd be moving), my puppy got malignant cancer at the age of 6 months. I took on a mortgage on my own so I could keep my babies and move closer to my family, leaving everything I have known for the past 11 years and going to an area I have never been in with a higher cost of living (my mom and stepdad moved to this area originally after I moved to MN so this is not the area I grew up in).

There are a lot of good things too, but it's just been so much. Now I feel so tired. So incredibly tired right now it's hard to function, hard to think. I know it will smooth out though, and God has done a lot for me, and I have been blessed with friendships I treasure deeply.

[cassiesmom]

prayers for k9soul and sasvermont and (HUGS)

I don't know whether to call these stressors or prayer requests - I guess they're both:

-family business (which I don't work with) is slowly but very surely failing, huge debts exist.
-my current job (5 years Oct. 21), which I used to really enjoy - I don't anymore but I'm having a hard time figuring out what should come next. I've heard it said that if you do what you love, the money will follow eventually.

[Catty1]

Sas - does the state/your mom's insurance/your insurance not provide for even a part-time caretaker for your mom? Or a volunteer to just be with her for a few hours at a time?

JMO - you did the right thing with your sister. She KNOWS she has this problem. It is her job to come to terms with it and mend her fences. I hope she gets help.

I, too, have a history of insane bosses - I think I like working with people who have personality. UNFORTUNATELY, that often means....you know...

Look for a job with boring people. You might be surprised.

Prayers for you! and good wishes.

K9soul - it sounds like your mom and stepdad are still in touch? HUGS - the 'worst' is over, but now all the fallout...I have had that type of fatigue, and it is from all the adrenaline and mental "sticking-it-out" I did. Think of it as a HUGE long sigh of relief for your body, mind and soul. Do you have a puppy or some soft critter with you? I hope your sick puppy made it....HUGS!

[moosmom]

Sas,

The first thing I want to do is give you a big

(((((HUG))))))

You are my all-time favorite PTer. I've admired your strength for a long time. I am so, SO sorry for all you've had to deal with. Dealing with an alcoholic is very difficult when the alcoholic doesn't realize they have a problem. They also don't like to be confronted about it. Imagine having to be a caretaker of that elderly alcoholic. THAT'S what I went through. I fought with him, threatened him, you name it. Nothing worked. So I threw up my hands and gave in. He died doing what he loved, DRINKING. I beat myself up for a long time. I was his enabler. Took 10 years for the guilt to disappear. Like he said, "I'm just waiting to cruise on outta here." That's exactly what he did.

Depression goes along with being a parent's caretaker. It sucks all the energy out of you. Been there, done that.

Life is WAY too short to not talk to anyone. I hope your sister realizes it before it's too late. Sas, until she hits rock bottom and seeks the help she desperately needs, there's not much you can do except be there when she does (hit rock bottom).

I've PM'd you with my phone number. Please feel free to call me anytime. I'm there for you.

Donna

[pitc9]

Thank you for starting this thread, we may not be able to help each other with what we are going through, but it's nice to know that there are other people out there whose lives are not all peaches and cream

I've wanted out of my marriage for the past 2 1/2 - 3 years and Rick (my hubby) knows it, but he won't let me leave. He's controlling and verbally abusive.

The reason for all of Buddy’s fears is because of my Rick. Buddy knows I don't like him and Buddy is my soul mate, so he feels the same towards my hubby. (Nancy the psychic told me this and much more that was horribly sad)
Buddy has been around when I'm being verably attacked, that's why he is the way he is towards my hubby.

I drink too much and I hide it from everyone, along with smoking.

I'm depressed and suicidal, I feel like I just can't take another day of this hell I'm living in.... I just want it all to end. But what's stopping me is not knowing what would happen to Buddy if I died. (would my hubby have him PTS? Dump him in a shelter??) I've even thought of taking him with me.....

My husband thinks I'll "get better" and we'll live happily ever after, he's pushing me to sell our house and buy another one (bigger) so we can start having kids. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE KIDS!!!!

I love Buddy and Sierra much MUCH more than I love him.

I was the happiest when my hubby was working out of town and lived in another state for months at a time.

The things I just typed... I've never told anyone. No family members or friends of mine know how bad it's gottten.

Thank you for starting this thread so I could put it all out there.

[Catty1]

pitc9 - he won't "let" you?

Sweetie...I have 'escaped' from a bad relationship (thank God it wasn't marriage, though it wouldn't have mattered). I had to plan, and even wrote down how he would react (I had it down to a T, including the suicide threats), and what I would say.

It might me one of those "Don't think about it, just do it." IMO, your hubby is very sick, and that makes you sicker. Don't try to take your life and let his sickness win!

Just suggestions:

1. Find a safe place to board Buddy and Sierra. (vet, or is there a PTr near you?)

2. Find a safe place for you - drop Buddy and Sierra off and get yourself to a women's shelter. Don't worry about hubby - the shelters have dealt with all kinds, and they are not allowed to tell anyone who is staying there. Try to call first, if you can.

For me, it was like planning an escape...and it IS.

Get out, please! ETA: Sent you a PM.

Major PT prayers going your way.

[moosmom]

Pitc9,

Catty1 gave you excellent advice. Take Buddy and find a place to go. No one, and I mean NO ONE deserves to be treated that way. You are such a wonderful person, someone who deserves to be happy. Unless you get out now, nothing will change.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, sweetheart. I've also pm'd you with my number. Call me anytime. I mean that.

I have MANY problems, including depression, ADD, PTSD and a hearing impairment in my right ear. My history of problems goes from losing my Mom, 44, from lung and brain cancer. I was 19. Grandfather was killed in a house fire 3 months later, one week before Christmas. My father and I were homeless for 6 months, till we found a place. It was not fun. I found my father's body after being his caretaker for 3 years. Put me over the edge. I'm the only person in my family who HAS to worry about money. *sigh*

I could write a book. I thank GOD everyday for the way my life is going and wouldn't change a thing. Life is not a dress rehearsal. You only have once to get it right.

[sasvermont]

and we (the unhappy/sad) could go to live. A place where one could trust, believe, and enjoy life while we are here on earth. Life seems to take some nasty turns from time to time.

Yes, I have started going to church, which I thought was not part of me for the longest time.....and therapy....and medication...... I think by sharing this information (somewhat) I have opened another bridge to getting on with life.....some of your suggestions have been excellent and your own stories make me see that I am not the only person here at risk, if you will.

Thank you all for your kindness and understanding. I know that there are other folks here struggling with life and its challenges and it isn't easy, that's for sure.

I will be looking in to parent care soon, and promise to let you know what I come up with. I am having a hard time admitting that I cannot do it all and survive.

Thanks again,
L,
Sas and her campers

[Catty1]

Hi, Sas...taking off the superwoman cape will be a relief. NO ONE can do all that you do!

HUGS!