Anna, reading your words made me sad. My whole personality changed in the last two years, losing Murphy, Zipper, Mimi and Lilly so close together. I adore Honey, but she is Helen's dog. I love my Baby Mack, who was given to me to try and heal my broken heart after we lost Zipper, and he has been a fun, wonderful boy and I love him with all my heart. But there was something about Zipper and something about Lilly that I just kept on missing and grieving over. And I loved the way my Golden Retrievers were together, such good friends. I promised Scott and Helen that I would wait at least six months after losing Lilly before I asked for another dog. That was as much to help me settle down, love the ones I have and just grieve over what we had lost. I still find myself going back to pictures and things I wrote about them all and remembering how much I loved/love them. In June, I realized I probably couldn't make it six months without another perfect companion (like I had in Lilly). That's when I started looking for a rescue female Golden Retriever. Well, as we all know, I didn't end up with a girl, but I got the BEST boy, Ben, and I think God helped that to happen. The timing was good for Ben and it was good for me. And Scott and Helen were very, very supportive of the decision.

Everyone is different, you know. But you do what is right for your family and for you. Emerson will still be your special angel. I just have to believe that or I don't think I could have survived the last year and a half.

A very wise man sent me a beautiful message after Zipper died. He is a fellow rescuer and when he heard Zipper had passed away, he said he felt the need to share with me. I'm going to post his email here for you to read.

"It is so amazing - I have the hardest time remembering peoples' names, but the Goldens........
I vividly remember the day I picked him up and brought him down to Greenville. He wasn't about to accept being relegated to the back seat of my car. That was the day I learned how to left-hand shift my 5-speed transmission while attempting to restrain Zipper from joinging me in front by using my right hand.
He's in good company, and I envy him in many ways.
Upon losing my first Golden almost 5 years ago and sharing my profound grief with friends back in Colorado, one dear friend replied with such special thoughts that I never had to write them down - they're carried in my heart (almost vebatim) to this day (and to the end of days). She Said,
"You couldn't feel such grief and devastation unless there had first been a tremendous love betwen you;
And you'll never, ever find any other dog that will fill "that aching hole in your heart," but you will find another who will make a very special place of his very own in your heart;
And you shouldn't just wait for all that you're feeling to slowly fade away, but honor the memory of you departed best friend by going right out and bringing another dog into your home and heart. And the first night you have your new dog home you'll be down on the floor, kneeling with your new guy, hugging him with great heaving sobs and tears streaming down your cheeks as you remember the dog you've lost. And your new guy won't understand the tears - but he'll happily lick them away."
God Bless."
Curt Haag

Anna, he was right. Best wishes, my friend. I wish I could help your sad heart. I haven't yet figured out how to heal mine either, though.

Love,
Logan