Well, her condition has worsened a little since the last update, but in all honesty, that had to be expected.

She seems a little paralysed in her front paws now, although not yet drastically so. She really has to flip those back paws in order to go forward, but still, she is making the attempt to move around. I cling onto this as a sign that she still wants to live.

She still eats and drinks, although now it's a little more complicated. I'm not sure whether she's getting some paralysis in her jaw, as she seems to have a little difficulty biting a piece off crunchy foods. I've checked her incisors and they seem to be in pretty good nick, considering that Tia has never been a chewer and has never had her teeth clipped in her life. I can't really get a good look into the back of her mouth, but as it's an actual biting issue, and not a chewing one, I don't suppose that's where the pain, if any, is coming from. Please correct me if I'm wrong, though, and I will have another look.

So, beause of this, I crush half of her food into smaller pieces for her, which she finds so much easier to eat. All the fresh food she receives now is soft, such as banana, pear, cheese, overripe strawberries, and she still enjoys her leftovers as she wolfed down some lasagna last night. She's lost her belly, but I don't think she's morbidly thin. As far as drinking goes, she seems to have on and off days. Three days ago, I didn't see her drink once. When I offered her some water cupped in my hand, she turned her nose up. The next day was the same, and I was getting rather desparate, increasing the water I give her by syringe to 4 ml 3 times a day. However, yesterday and today her drinking habits are back to normal, as I type she is drinking now.

The tumour is bigger. I don't think the antibiotics are helping much. It's now about the size of a rather squished ping pong ball.

The biggest dilemna I face is that I am going on holiday in exactly one week and will not be around to care for her. Tia, and the gerbils, are booked to stay with a woman who specialises in caring for small animals whilst their owners are away. Tia stayed with her last year, and the woman spoilt her rotten and said she was one of the best guests she'd ever had. I think this woman is somehow linked with an animal care association, but I can't remember exactly.

The thing is, Tia needs so much attention right now that I only feel that it's being done right if I do it myself. Just to name a few, she needs her meds once a day, water given to her by syringe if she appears not to drink, her food crushing, help with grooming, her muscles in her back legs flexing by hand to stop them seizing up, her back end cleaning as she often urinates on herself and cannot clean it all, her eyes sometimes need wiping too as she gets dust around them and cannot balance enough on her hind legs to clean them with her fores; all that on top of everything that needs to be done for a healthy rat. I know this woman wil care for her well, but can we honestly expect her to give up so much time to look after her?

And of course, the fear of her not being there when I return is eating me up. Tia pines fo me strongly when I go away, even when other members of my family are around. I'll be gone for two weeks with the rest of my family, and whilst she's sustained this before, she's ill this time. The thought that perhaps she's staying strong because I'm around her for at least 75% of the day is whirring constantly around my head. What if, when I've gone, she becomes depressed and loses the will to carry on? I also cannot bear the thought of her in the vet surgery, about to be PTS, wondering where I am...

I just have to hope that she can somehow, miraculously, keep going.