The relationship between Luna and Lily is getting somewhat problematic (pix added #9)

[Kirsten]

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences with me! It's definitely good to hear that my household is not the only one with problems like this (but I'm sorry for all of you who experience the same!)

The last two days were okay and they didn't fight. I was at home most of the time, and I was very tired the entire weekend so I spend a lot of time just lying on my bed, reading or just relaxing - and both of them were with me on the bed, without growling and hissing. Especially Luna never left my side.

It hit me today that their latest behavior may have something to do with the fact that they were not allowed to enter my bedroom at nights. We had several heatwaves, last week the worst of all, and when it's too hot, I need to open the windows in my bedroom, and that means the door is closed for Luna and Lily. Usually they sleep in my bed at night, both of them. So I think this situation stresses them and this results in their behavior (which is not completely new, but definitely worse than usual).

BTW, I don't know about any holistic vets here, but I know the one Peggy has knows a lot about these things. Maybe he can prescribe some Bachflower remedies, it may be worth a try. They helped Peggy, too.

I doubt that either of them are truly unhappy. They sound very much like human siblings. Their sister is wonderful company when mom is not home, but they want to do everything in their power to show mom just how HARD their sister makes their life. You know how it is....."MOM, she's touching me!!!" "MOM, she's looking at me!" MOM, I wanted that toy!" etc.

Jen, I hope you're right!!


Kirsten

[Medusa]

Two of my males, Specs and Boo, have the same problem. Specs does exactly the same things as Lily does and Boo becomes so impatient! And if Boo sits next to me on the sofa, Specs has to jump up on the other side of me and actually put his arm around me like a man would! I had thought on more than one occasion of rehoming Specs because he was a newbie and I've had Boo since he was approx. 4 months old; he's now 15. But then, I'll come home from work and find the two of them sleeping side by side like buddies. So I've just learned that when Boo has had enough of Specs' theatrics, he lets him know or I do and then all is well. I do have both of them on Clomicalm, though.

[Kirsten]

Medusa, that's interesting!! This really sounds a lot like Luna and Lily, and it's most likely an attention thing, with a lot of jealousy included! Silly kitties!

Boris is another sensitive girl. She spends most of her time alone in the dining room or in the kitchen on top of the fridge. She and Sophie used to be the best of buddies and were together all the time, but since I moved into my house, they act like they hate each other, which I totally don't understand.

Jenn, that is really strange. Maybe after the move, when they all had to claim their new territories, they couldn't agree about that? That is the only thing that makes some sense to me here...

Kirsten

[Cataholic]

My problem has never been the girls. It has always been the boys. Tex could be aggressive, and Monte is totally aggressive.

Kirsten, I wonder what goes on during the day. Could you use a tape recorder and see if there is anything? If it is true that it is only when you are home, then, I am thinking of something Cesar Milan says/does with dogs.

When Lilly stalks, and you intervene, you are "rewarding" her with attention- your attention. How do you break things up? Clap? Use some other sound device? Do you go to Luna, and comfort her?

[Kirsten]

Kirsten, I wonder what goes on during the day. Could you use a tape recorder and see if there is anything?

I was often wondering about this myself! I could try to set up my old webcam, it would be interesting to see what they are doing when I'm not at home!

When Lilly stalks, and you intervene, you are "rewarding" her with attention- your attention. How do you break things up? Clap? Use some other sound device? Do you go to Luna, and comfort her?

Well, so far, I avoided to interfere, I don't want any of them to feel I'm taking sides. I always thought they should work out their problems on their own. But during the last couple of days, when I felt too sorry for Luna, I caught myself that I comforted her, and tried to encourage her. But I always ignored Lily when she acted like that, I didn't want to give her any attention for this behavior...

Kirsten

[rosethecopycat]

is it just me, or does it seem that female cats seem to have harder times getting along with other female cats? they seem more apt to be jealous too.

Known as Female Feline Rivalry.
My friend is going through this now too. Two female cats, close in age (within 5 years) tend to have problems, even if they get along initially, or even for years, these things crop up with the girls.

I would try vanilla on the base of their tails. Both cats.
The brushing is another good idea.

I don't think your situation is really desperate, at this point. They just need to relearn some behavior, and change some habits and work it out.

[Kirsten]

Vanilla on the base of their tails? Never heard about that, but it could be worth a try...

I don't think your situation is really desperate, at this point

No, I don't think so either, but I'm sure it lessens at least Luna's life quality to a certain degree.

Kirsten

[barncat]

If Lily is about 3 or 4 now, in a feral cat community (if she survived) she would be establishing her own space, probably still connected to her mom, but already an experienced "queen" of her own brood... She is pushing to establish herself as a dominant personality. It doesn't matter all that much that she is fixed and has no kittensm she's still in the I'm as grown as you mom... so I get to be boss sometimes mode. Usually mother/daughters will work it out without too much drama. (My girls will bat each other and swear and then cuddle down...Except Amelia but that's another story.) Give them both plentyof love but I would advise petting Luna first and giving her attention that shows you (as the queen mother) support her postion.

[Kirsten]

barncat, that is making a lot of sense! Even though Luna is not Lily's biological mother, she had the mother role right from the start. There were several moments the past months when I got the impression Lily would claim the alpha status from Luna. Also, she may feel that Luna is not doing well with all her bladder problems.

Kirsten