Need some "legal" advice.....

[Marigold2]

Seems like I am under attack here for my opinion.

First off I never said anyone needed a luxury car, I said a SAFE car. Every child deserves a safe car to ride in.
Every child deserves a clean and safe home without gun fire, drug dealers and crime outside their front door.
Every child deserves to be able to go outside and play without mom worried about them being shot, raped or beaten.
Every child deserves good meals.
Every child deserves good medical care. Braces are not a luxury they are a necessity often for the good health and growth of the mouth, teeth and gums.
It goes without saying that every child deserves love, understanding, compassion and laughter. That's why I didn't mention it. I didn't think I needed to state the incredibly obvious, just the merely obvious.

The reason I brought up adoption is because I think it is a wonderful, unselfish, and very brave thing to do. The baby is in a good home, the adoptive couple gets to love a child they want ever so much and might not ever be able to have, and a young woman can go on with her life.
Adoption is not an ugly word.

Not every 15 year old has a supportive family that will help her to raise her child. Many a 15 year got this way because they were neglected, abused, or just in the way, many a 15 year old is being brought up by a drug addicted parent. I have heard these girls say when asked, "why do you want a baby at 13,14 15 and their reply was " I want someone to love me". They just want someone to love them and no one does. They are crying out for love themselves and for them to try and be a parent is horrible for all involved. They have no decent role models, no support, no help, no education or money and sadly most have no hope. Adoption is a blessing in these cases.

No you don't need money to be happy. But it helps. No parent wants to lay awake at night and worry how they are going to pay for food, water, rent and shoes. No decent parent wants to raise their child in provety. Love only goes so far when you are standing out in the street corner in the freezing rain with no where to go and a two year old on your arm.

How many grown woman would say "Yes I am glad I got knocked up at 15"
No one would say that, no one. Adoption is a lovely chance for all.

Yes many of you might have been raised by single moms in loving homes, but if you ask your mom if she would do things differently I am sure she would say "yes" No one wants to be poor and having a child at a young age without an education almost makes that a promise.

And no I am not angry or bitter. I am just surprised that more of you would rather see a child starve in the projects then be adopted.

[sparks19]

Marigold..... why is it you think the poster is living in poverty and is just some 15 year old looking for someone to love them?

if you don't.... then I fail to see how your point is relevant. I just think it is silly that you mention adoption just because she is having issues with the father. Sure my mom may have chosen a different path for herself.... but I think if she went back and the same thing happened.... I doubt she would give me or my brother up just because it was hard for a while. And NO braces are not a nessecity. I had braces.... were my teeth healthy other than being crooked? yes they were.... was I able to eat, talk and function? yes I was.

If you could go back in time would you give your children up for adoption instead of having the wonderful children you have today?

[Twisterdog]

How many grown woman would say "Yes I am glad I got knocked up at 15"
No one would say that, no one. Adoption is a lovely chance for all.

Yes many of you might have been raised by single moms in loving homes, but if you ask your mom if she would do things differently I am sure she would say "yes" No one wants to be poor and having a child at a young age without an education almost makes that a promise.

And no I am not angry or bitter. I am just surprised that more of you would rather see a child starve in the projects then be adopted.

You cannot be serious. I know MANY women ... my friends, relatives, customers ... who are most definately not only glad, but blessed, elated and overjoyed every day of their lives that they got "knocked up" at fifteen, sixteen, twenty, whatever. Because that is their CHILD. I am absolutely 100% glad to have been "knocked up" at twenty-two, as a single parent. My son is without a doubt the most wonderful thing to ever happen in my life. My best friend, who was "knocked up" at sixteen would tell you her beautiful daughter was the best thing that ever happened to her.

And as a single mom for fifteen years I can tell you without a single doubt that NO, I would NOT do anything differently. You are so "sure" of what every single mother would say, are you? You are very, very wrong. How do you presume to speak for an entire segment of the population?

I'm quite sure, of the millions of babies born to single parents, that actually a very tiny percentage of them are actually "starving in the ghetto." That's a bit dramatic, eh? I highly doubt racing_gurl07's baby is going to be starving in a ghetto.

[catnapper]

Oh my Marigold, you say you're not bitter but you sure sound it!

My mom will sing to the heavens that she was thrilled to be knocked up at 19. Her children are what makes her life worthwhile and complete. Are you going to say my mom is missing out on something greater because of that? Are you suggesting I am a lacking person because we didn't always have 3-course meals growing up? Or that we had a true clunker of a car? Or that we were just seconds from the city with its gangs and drugs? I played outside. I thought it was SO COOL to get free food with our food stamps... I had no idea it was something to be ashamed of. I remember my childhood as being perfect. It was far from perfect but mom and grandmom made me feel so safe and loved that I never noticed the imperfections outside my front door.

If my mom stayed with my father, we would have had a "wealthy" life. Instead she packed her bags and returned home with my grandmom and all 4 of us lived together helping each other out, much like I'm not doing for my own daughter. Is it hard? you bet! Is it worth it? A million times over. That little boy is such a pleasure and joy I can't describe it. and I am determined to show him the same level of love and acceptance I had. He doesn't need to know we have gangs a block away. We'll hide all the unpleasantries from him and make sure he only knows what love is and how safe he feels inside our family.

My husband teaches in an inner city school. Most of them are 10 times poorer than we are, yet they all are beautifully cared for. They all get better food than my kids do because of free lunches and food stamps. They all get better healthcare (including those precious braces!) because they are all on state health insurance. Finances don't determine whether you're fit to be a parent.... if family can't step up to help raise a child, then the state will. There's no sin in accepting help.

I feel sorry for the women who think its some perverse form of pride to refuse help. Thats what its there for! Whether the help comes from a family member, friend, the father, or state aid, its help and a child needs it. The only sin of accepting help is to become complacent and not move forward to better your situation for yourself and your child. Its not impossible to go to school, work, and raise a child all at the same time. Its HARD and stressful, but the payoff in a few years will blow your mind.

[lizbud]

Not every 15 year old has a supportive family that will help her to raise her child. Many a 15 year got this way because they were neglected, abused, or just in the way, many a 15 year old is being brought up by a drug addicted parent. I have heard these girls say when asked, "why do you want a baby at 13,14 15 and their reply was " I want someone to love me". They just want someone to love them and no one does. They are crying out for love themselves and for them to try and be a parent is horrible for all involved. They have no decent role models, no support, no help, no education or money and sadly most have no hope. Adoption is a blessing in these cases.

No you don't need money to be happy. But it helps. No parent wants to lay awake at night and worry how they are going to pay for food, water, rent and shoes. No decent parent wants to raise their child in provety. Love only goes so far when you are standing out in the street corner in the freezing rain with no where to go and a two year old on your arm.

How many grown woman would say "Yes I am glad I got knocked up at 15"
No one would say that, no one. Adoption is a lovely chance for all.

Yes many of you might have been raised by single moms in loving homes, but if you ask your mom if she would do things differently I am sure she would say "yes" No one wants to be poor and having a child at a young age without an education almost makes that a promise.

Although I've never faced trying to raise a child alone, I do see the
sense in what you are saying. For what it's worth, I agree with you.

[Cataholic]

Let me ask myself your question- Self, would you do anything differently?

Self answers, nope. He is my pride and joy, and I can say my only regret is not doing it sooner. I would have known the happiness alot earlier that way.

You cannot know every single woman's heart.

[moosmom]

ANYONE can be a father. It takes a very special man to be a "Dad".

[Pembroke_Corgi]

First off I never said anyone needed a luxury car, I said a SAFE car. Every child deserves a safe car to ride in.
Every child deserves a clean and safe home without gun fire, drug dealers and crime outside their front door.
Every child deserves to be able to go outside and play without mom worried about them being shot, raped or beaten.
Every child deserves good meals.
Every child deserves good medical care. Braces are not a luxury they are a necessity often for the good health and growth of the mouth, teeth and gums.
It goes without saying that every child deserves love, understanding, compassion and laughter. That's why I didn't mention it. I didn't think I needed to state the incredibly obvious, just the merely obvious.

The reason I brought up adoption is because I think it is a wonderful, unselfish, and very brave thing to do. The baby is in a good home, the adoptive couple gets to love a child they want ever so much and might not ever be able to have, and a young woman can go on with her life.
Adoption is not an ugly word.

Yes, children should have these things. But, assuming that someone (who you have never met) will be unable to provide these things is incredibly arrogant. I find it amazing that you are so willing to hand out judgment and suggest a life-altering course to someone you will most likely never meet.

[Hellow]

I need to vent, sorry in advance.

But I AM being raised about 5min away from a city, I eat chicken and potatoes for dinner, I need braces, i am trying to work to make mony to pay off a two month old vet bill, my dad has to pay for $100 for meds for my mom's seizures. I live in a small trashy house. My dad makes $10 an hour working at a car lot. My family rides in a old trashy Aerostar that could fail at any time. My computer is trash, i am on my bosses computer. I may not have the best stuff, but at least its stuff. And is my family giving up? HELL NO! As long as im livin and my family is livin, nothings wrong.

Sorry everyone, but i had to vent before i shouted it out loud.

[sasvermont]

This topic is a hot one for sure.

I can only say that I wish more people would have protected sex and not create as many problems for themselves.

What were they thinking when they were locking lips with some creep and now they are "with child"? What's wrong with this picture?

I have friends (single parents) and they are for the most part, doing just fine, but they have good jobs and supportive families and have thought through the rearing aspect of having a child or three.

It makes my head hurt to hear the struggles left with the men and women after having created a love child, if you will, for the sake of using birth control.

These situations usually take on a life of their own and all works out. Unfortunately, the children are the ones taking the brunt of it all, if it all falls apart.

Let me to take some more Tylenol for my head.

I love kids too much to create them and not have the means to support them etc. and to create them without fore thought.

(((((((((((((((((kids)))))))))))))))))))

[sandragonfly]

vela, I can feel you, parental damage - it took me a while to deal with this trauma. it's normal to feel that way afterall I didn't had parents, but it's better than living with a drunk father every night. safer and stronger. like I am today. that all will be up to the child later as well too.

I didn't had a mother.. I didn't had a father.. 16 years out of 20 and I don't care for them anymore now. why? if you ask because they never were my 'parents' like they were suppose to be. plus, because of the 'mother' and 'father' who I had taught me love. it's all about love and respect, not biography, violence or money. racing girl, it could be this, your new boyfriend who wants to be a father - not having the same DNA does not necessarily means the child is or will be disorder in any way, emotional, finanically or mental.

the day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes
an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.

that being said, and if the child in a later age doesn't understand that it was best s/he grows/grew up without a biography father, and with racing girl's love shown here, s/he will have the help s/he needs. on other hand, it also really depends on adoptive parents as well. and by the way, I don't think racing girl is shutting him out completely, just holding the door for now for how he's around his six year old daughter still.

marigold, I can agree with you on some of parts but I am not sure why you think those mothers are like her..

racing girl, I applaud you on this decision, and safety of the newborn baby - I would do the same, definitely. I am sorry he acts like this at stake and hopefully he will be father enough soon so the child even can have a better life. and a lot stress off you too. stay on strong and safe.. wishing all best for you and the baby. how is that exciting?? do you know the gender or desire name yet?

obviously, I'm not the mother yet so I don't know what month they can tell you the sex.

[Marigold2]

I totally agree. I also loved my children too much to have raised them in poverty. Kids deserve better.

This topic is a hot one for sure.

I can only say that I wish more people would have protected sex and not create as many problems for themselves.

What were they thinking when they were locking lips with some creep and now they are "with child"? What's wrong with this picture?

I have friends (single parents) and they are for the most part, doing just fine, but they have good jobs and supportive families and have thought through the rearing aspect of having a child or three.

It makes my head hurt to hear the struggles left with the men and women after having created a love child, if you will, for the sake of using birth control.

These situations usually take on a life of their own and all works out. Unfortunately, the children are the ones taking the brunt of it all, if it all falls apart.

Let me to take some more Tylenol for my head.

I love kids too much to create them and not have the means to support them etc. and to create them without fore thought.

(((((((((((((((((kids)))))))))))))))))))

[sparks19]

I totally agree. I also loved my children too much to have raised them in poverty. Kids deserve better.

But why OH Why do you think this child is going to be raised in poverty.... Of course no child should be raised on the street or in a shack.... but I am not sure WHERE you get the idea that this child is going to be raised in poverty and not be provided the nessecities of life.

I don't think anyone is disputing the fact that a child should not be raised in a home that cannot feed it or cloth it or keep a roof over the childs head.... but WHERE do you get that THIS is the case in this situation? You see the reason people are questioning your viewpoint is because your accusations that this child will not be cared for are totally baseless. There has been nothing to indicate this child will not have the care and love it needs to thrive and be happy.... In FACT I think this thread shows this child is indeed in loving caring hands that would not put the child in that position.

[Catty1]

I think the point raised - which slightly distracted the thread - is that there are thoughtless men and women who don't take measures to prevent pregnancy (I still recall the letter to Dear Abby YEARS ago where this woman was going to have sex with her boyfriend, but didn't want to ask him to share the cost of birth control because she thought she didn't know him well enough ). Even so, birth control can fail.

In a perfect world, every couple - married or not, old or young - would talk out and plan what to do in the event of a pregnancy. Most don't. And this has been a fact of human life for centuries.

As John Lennon said: "All of us were born out of a bottle of whiskey on Saturday night." (Okay, he was a tad cynical )

Now, back to the original poster here. She has support, financial and otherwise. I agree she needs to focus on her health and life with the baby on the way, and not worry too much about her present relationship with this wonderful guy. Friends are great to have right now, but she will have another major full-time relationship in a few months!

JMO. Let's give her some support here, ok?

[Marigold2]

I long ago stopped talking about any one member here. I was speaking in general about 15 year olds, which does not even apply to this PT member. As far as I know this young woman has family and friends to help. She is older and in school.

Again Sparks the merely obvious was what I stated but for you the incredibly obvious is needed.