Brand new JOKES Thread!

[cassiesmom]

Q: What do you give a 900-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!

[cassiesmom]

I heard this story on the radio today - made me laugh aloud...

A man was outside mowing his lawn when the mower stopped working. He borrowed his neighbor's mower to finish the lawn. In spite of his wife's repeated requests, he never quite got around to taking the mower to the repair shop.

His wife, frustrated with the shaggy lawn, decided to try to prove her point. She took her small sewing scissors, went outside and started clipping, blade by blade. When the man arrived, he said, "Honey, what are you doing?"

"Cutting the grass," she answered. He turned, went in the house and returned in a few minutes with an old toothbrush.

"While you're out here," he asked, handing her the toothbrush, "do you think you could sweep the driveway?"

His doctors advise that he will be able to walk again, but always with a limp.

[cassiesmom]

A piece of string goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer, thanks."

The bartender replies, "Sorry, sir, but we don't serve string here."

So the string goes outside. The string stops a passerby and asks, "Here, help me get these ends crossed over themselves, and rub me against that brick wall over there." The passerby complies and goes on his way.

The piece of string heads back into the bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer, thanks." Puzzled, the bartender says, "Wait a minute - Aren't you that piece of string that was just in here?" The string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

[Catty1]

This baby seal walks into a club.....

[cassiesmom]

A friend's son (age 7) told me this joke at church yesterday.

q: How do you make a hot dog stand?
a: Take away his chair.