Burnout syndrome (Update: 30-04-2007)

[Daisy and Delilah]

Kirsten, the more I think about you and your situation, the more I worry about you. I can really relate to what you're going through.

Being honest, I feel that you're scared to rock the boat at work for fear that they might replace you. Sorry if I'm assuming incorrectly.

If you can take the medical/personal leave, maybe you can take the time to look at other job options. It seems scary to leave a job but it may be the best thing for you. It sounds like your job either doesn't have a clue what they're putting on you or......you're working yourself to death and giving the impression that it's easy. As long as you're doing the job of 3 people, they'll expect you to continue it. Not wanting to disappoint anyone, you'll keep doing it.

I am very much like this so I know how you feel. I always used to do alot more than my share until I reached a breaking point, as I said before. the old work saying.....the more you do, the more they expect you to do. So true.

Take some time for yourself before you end up in the hospital. As painful as it is to admit it, in most cases, as someone said, you can be replaced in a heartbeat. As much as we would like to think we serve as the perfect employees, I know if we were to leave tomorrow, they would forget us within 2 weeks or less. This is not always the case but I have found it to be true in several jobs I had over the years. Sad but true.

Take care of yourself-there's only one you and you only have one life. Remember that the people you work with/for are mainly acquaintances and not necessarily friends

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

I am sorry you are going through this difficult situation... . I think everybody here wrote great advize for you. Forget that job and concentrate on your health! I wish you lots of courage, dear Kristen!!

[Randi]

Kirsten, I agree with what Daisy and Delilah - and a few others said. You really have to think about YOU - NOW!!

Yes, if you go on sick leave you may lose your job, but think about it - it is worth ruining your health? Luna and Lily are also important to you, I know.

After a weeks time where you relax and think about it all, you may find that you can do some of the work from home, or come in to work half day, at least you could offer that, to let them know that you ARE trying your best. If it's not good enough for them, tell them to go and find another!!

Also, when you feel better, you could make an appointment with a Temp. Agency (I can recommend Randstad) they may be able to find you other jobs. But you need to feel on top before you do so!

I have been in a similar situation not so long ago, so I feel your pain and I really hope you'll find a solution, because you can't live like this for much longer.

You're welcome to PM me if you need to talk.

Big ((((hugs)))))


Go and stand in front of your mirror and say 10 times: Whatever happens, I WILL NOT RUIN MY HEALTH FOR THIS JOB!!! You'll either start laughing, crying or get so mad that'll you'll see what the right thing is to do.

[K9soul]

Your situation really touches my heart deeply, I can feel your pain and anxiety in your words. I used to have a job I worked at that I had loved, but for some reason I started to gradually struggle and go downhill emotionally until even just coming in the door at work in the morning made me want to close the door to my little office and cry. It got debilitating and I finally had to take short-term disability. I felt guilt about it, they were short-staffed and I felt I was putting a huge burden on my co-workers who would have to pick up my "slack."

I spoke to a psychiatrist and took about a month off to heal. I felt I was doing better, my anxiety and depression seemed to ease off more, I didn't feel so "trapped." That's the only word I can really think to describe it, I felt trapped, even though my job was not miserable, was not something I abhorred doing by any means.

I felt ready to return and did so, but that day it all came crashing back. My supervisor said maybe it was too soon yet, and I had to leave again and extend my time out.

Ultimately I ended up taking a new direction with my life, I made the decision what it was I wanted to do and pursued that. It took some time, and there was hardship on the way, and I felt for a long time I had failed my workplace that had been so good to me. But in the end I know I did the right thing. It was a very difficult time but I have never gotten to the point I was at then again.

This may not be what you need by any means, but perhaps some change, whether it be job-related or just in general life-related, is what you are craving and needing. I think counseling, or even just talking with close friends and family, to get to the root of things, think about what it is that deep down you may be craving to change in your life. Of course, treatment for depression may also really help in this too. I truly hope you are able to get out of this 'rut' you feel stuck in. At least, that is how I felt, and I empathize with you.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I am sending warm {{hugs}} across the miles to you.

[Kirsten]

Thank you very much for your replies and advice everyone - and for sharing your own experiences. You certainly made some good points here!

K9soul, what you described sounds so familiar to me. "Trapped", is exactly the right word for it. Not only regarding to my job, but also when I'm thinking about my perspectives in case I'm losing this one. Jobs have become so rare here (at least jobs that are paid well enough to make a living of it), and I'm 41. And the unemployment agencies put so much pressure on you these days. I'm very worried that I won't be able to work until I'm 67!

And actually, I like my job (the actual work), but there are so many things going on there that just take a lot of energy from you (cannot go into detail here), and I feel it's not healthy for me.

Working from home may be possible in a couple of years, but not now. And working only part time is impossible because I depend on my full income (please don't think that I'm greedy for money, but I need to be able to pay my rent and bills). Life in Germany has become expensive during the last couple of years.

lizbud, I already talked to my doctor about ruling out a medical condition. I will see her again on Tuesday, and will also have some blood tests done. It could be that my Hashimoto's is acting up again (an auto-immune disease that destroys your thyroid gland). I'm on thyroid hormones for years, but as I was so busy all the time, I didn't have it checked as regulary as I should have. Maybe they have to chance my meds. This extreme fatigue could very well be thyroid related, been there before when I was hypo-thyroid. Also, I often have a lack of Vit. B12, Vit. C, and Ferritin (sorry, I cannot find the correct translation for this). All this could be very well responsible for how I'm feeling.

Regarding a long holiday: I would desperately need one, I guess, but it's just not possible. I'm not in the financial position to go on holiday, and I'm not allowed to go on holiday during the summer. I have asked for two weeks in November, and one week at the beginning of May (which will most likely be cancelled because I'm on sick leave now).

But I'm really a nervous wreck by now. Even little things that do not work make me want to cry and run away, and I can hardly concentrate on things, not even reading, something I usually enjoy a lot. And I don't sleep very well. Doctor gave me an anti-depressant which is supposed to help me sleeping, but it did not help yet.

Well, maybe I just cannot expect too much in two days...

Thanks for listening,
Kirsten

[Catty1]

Kirsten - is there such a thing as government-paid medical leave in Germany? Do you have some financial options???

HUGS

[Kirsten]

Usually your company will have to pay your full salary for 6 weeks, and after that, you'll get a sick-pay from your health insurance, which is 80% of your income.

Kirsten

[lizbud]

Kristin, good for you for not giving up on finding a medical cause for the
tiredness, etc. I do hope the Dr. can find the cause & proper treatment to
help you. I understand about needing to hang onto a steady income & am
glad your company understands you are working to help yourself. Hang in
there.Good luck with your next appointment.

[DJFyrewolf36]

Working with computers myself, I understand the "trapped" feeling as it seems that NO ONE can fix a darn thing! At some jobs, I felt like I had to baby people around the computer, which is NO fun lol! A lot of times it seems that people expect too much because to them, working on a computer is so hard yet you make it look easy.

Take the time to relax, and figure out what is best for YOU! Some purr therapy couldn't hurt either

[cassiesmom]

Kirsten, I am just wondering how you are - I enjoyed your Lily and Luna photos and your zoo photos so very much! Hope your burn-out is not as bad as it was. Thinking and praying for you, with a hug... elyse

[Kirsten]

Well, I saw my doctor again on Friday, and she told me to stay at home for another week. She said she would like to send me on sick leave for at least 4 weeks, but I cannot do that. I have to back next week, I cannot risk to lose my job!

I spent some time taking photographs and hoped that it would help me to relax, but it did not work. The fear of losing my job (or of other changes that may come, like working in shifts, etc.) is a heavy burden, and I cannot relax.

Today, I updated my parents' homepage (of their restaurant), and you know, usually I love this kind of work. But today, I had problems to concentrate on the html codes, and I messed them up; and I hated that work so much that I wanted to scream... What the hell is wrong with me??? I always loved working with computers, but these days, I cannot type three words in a row without tons of typos! How can I do my job next week in a state like this?!?

BTW, my blood test results were back on Friday and the TSH was too high (which means I need a higher dosage of my thyroid hormones), and my Vitamine D-level is still way too low, which means I have to take supplements for a very long time.

Kirsten

[Daisy and Delilah]

I really hope you're feeling better soon. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}