Anti-smacking law in NZ...

[moosmom]

I never smacked my kid. Why? I don't believe that children should fear their parents like I feared mine (actually I feared my father, who thought physical violence was the way to teach a child discipline and respect).

Whenever my daughter acted out, she got time. It worked everytime and believe me, to this day, she remembers (she's now 30).

I think there's also an anti-smacking law that just got passed in California .

[Sirrahsim]

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that Donna. There are definately extremes In my case my parents were very loving and respectful, even when I did something awful that deserved a spanking. Rather than making me afraid of them, they made sure to show me that they loved me SO much that they were willing to do what it took to get through to me in order to protect me from whatever I was doing. Does that make sense? They didn't spank me when they and I were angry at each other. They spanked me later when I was cool headed enough to understand that they were doing it because they loved me.

[caseysmom]

Donna, that didn't pass here in California as far as I know.

[Puckstop31]

Sigh.... Will we ever learn.... The more power people give government over us, the more enslaved we become. How is it the governments place to tell people how they should raise their children?

Of course, parents should never abuse their child, but I was raised by parents who belived in "spare the rod, spoil the child." I was physically disciplined when I made mistakes and I rarely made the same one twice. I never really feared my parents because of it and today I am VERY grateful to them for raising me that way. It taught me to be responsible for my own actions and if I messed up, there was a price to pay... Just like the real world.

There are no "time outs" in the real world.

Action=Consequence.... For good or bad.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

My mum perfected "the look" which was far more effective than any physical discipline!

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I think a law like that is a good thing, and to me it seems like such legislation is very late in coming. I also feel that schools should be more regulated- I don't know about in New Zealand, but here, in 27 states, teachers may use corporal punishment to discipline children. While it doesn't happen most of the time, there have been instances that seem severe but the teacher got away with only a slap on the wrist.

Adults are much, much larger than children- why should we ever be allowed to use force on them? Anything could happen. Not to mention, violence as a punishment is not as effective as many other methods. Plus, even if you have a well-behaved child, you will probably have an anxious one if you hit your kids. To me "spanking" and "slapping" are the same thing- you are striking a child. It boggles my mind that parents would actually see striking their children as a legitimate way to "punish" their children.

[critter crazy]

I grew up in a very "Physical" Household, due to my Step-Father. Therefore, I am completely against smaking my kids. I have in the 7yrs my son has been around, spanked my son once, for a very good reason,a nd I felt just horrible about it, and promissed to never do it again! If a law like this helps, then by all means. There are way too many people out there who just go above and beyond, while punishing children. And unfortunately Social Services can only do so much

[Catlady711]

Sigh.... Will we ever learn.... The more power people give government over us, the more enslaved we become. How is it the governments place to tell people how they should raise their children?

Of course, parents should never abuse their child, but I was raised by parents who belived in "spare the rod, spoil the child." I was physically disciplined when I made mistakes and I rarely made the same one twice. I never really feared my parents because of it and today I am VERY grateful to them for raising me that way. It taught me to be responsible for my own actions and if I messed up, there was a price to pay... Just like the real world.

There are no "time outs" in the real world.

Action=Consequence.... For good or bad.

I agree. My mom raised me with spankings, sometimes including occasional spanking with paint stirrers and wooden spoons, on the hiney only, and the occasional washing my mouth out with soap for mouthing off (btw coast tasts awful!). I never had any marks on me, the soap never made me sick, the pain was temporary but the lessons were permenant, when mom says no, mom MEANS no!

I do not call that child abuse, and I was the one being spanked at the time, but I learned that when someone in authority says something you'd darn well better listen! Mom always let me know she loved me and that she spanked me because I needed to learn what she was trying to teach me for my own good and safety. And many of our relatives and mom's friends commented on how well behaved I was and how well I listened to her in comparison to their own children who they didn't spank.

I wouldn't trade how I was raised for a million years for 'time-outs'. I often now thank my mom for raising me the way she did! And we have been really close even when I was little.

And Puckstop- your comment about the government reminds me of something I once heard....."a government big & powerful enough to give you everything you want, is big & powerful enough to take away everything you have".

[carole]

Catlady i was basically raised similar to you, although i never experienced the soap in the mouth treatment or anything other than a hand,there is a fine line between what we call discipline and child abuse I believe, i still think we can raise our children to be adults without the use of physical punishment, there are other means and ways that are just as effective ,but IMO more dignified, this comes from a parent who has indeed used both methods, i can tell you from experience i much prefer using time out, loss of priviliges etc to spanking any day, IMO spanking never really achieved much except making me feel bad about myself,i think my son learn't far better when i started using alternative methods,now that is just from my own personal experience and valuation.

I am uncertain as to whether teaching a child it is ok for us to hit them when they do wrong, is indeed healthy.

The only thing i remember about being spanked was the humiliation i felt,and of course it did hurt a little, but not near as much as my feelings did, I cannot see that does anyone good really,and people spank for different reasons,some people think it is fine to give a quick sharp smack if your child is in danger, like going to put their hands on the oven ring for example, but would not a sharp NO and taking their hand away learn them just as well, if not more,communication surely is a better, and more effective measure,if the child is too young too understand NO, will it understand your meaning behind your smacking either,anyhow just my thoughts on the subject today.

[columbine]

some people think it is fine to give a quick sharp smack if your child is in danger, like going to put their hands on the oven ring for example, but would not a sharp NO and taking their hand away learn them just as well, if not more,communication surely is a better, and more effective measure,if the child is too young too understand NO, will it understand your meaning behind your smacking either,anyhow just my thoughts on the subject today.

If it's a household where yelling isn't commonplace, a child's first reaction to any sudden shout is to FREEZE (and possibly give a wail of their own!) But if there's shouting going on all the time, one more shout isn't going to get their attention at all. And shouting isn't just caused by anger - it's caused by people trying to shout from room to room instead of rounding the corner to ask a question or sending someone downstairs to announce wash-your-hands-for-dinner, yelling over a too-loud TV or stereo, or shouting so a hard-of-hearing family member can hear. But if it's possible to minimize houshold shouting outside of circumstances of danger, "NO!" "STOP!" and "DROP IT!" are amazingly effective!

And this, explained to a spouse as a practical strategy, can help reduce noise-related headaches all around too.

Love, Columbine (when all else fails, make sure to take your B vitamins!)