Parents with ADD/ADHD Children?

[critter crazy]

I don't think you have messed up and there is still time. In this situation, the meds can help take the edge off so he can refocus. It sounds to me like his frustration at not finding a focus is coupling with a guilt over the fact that he can't figure out how to express this frustration in a "socially acceptable" way. one of the things those of us with add struggle with daily is a deep seated need to be accepted. We need that like air, because we feel we are different right from the get go. We feel like round pegs trying to fit into square holes, and it doesn't work for us, yet the expectation is that we must fit in, that there is something wrong with us if we don't. Problem is that we never will. Academic institutions for the most part cater to the lowest common denominator of intellect and creativity, as well as putting boundaries and limitations on all students to prepare them for their role in society. This is not a bad thing, but it is an impossible task for an add child to cope with. We don't perceive boundaries and limitations, any more than someone that is color blind can perceive the colors that their eyes are not capable of seeing. No amount of punishment or reward or cajoling or wishing will make it happen. We live in a completely other paradigm altogether.
Practical advice from an adult add? Get the meds so he can decompress a bit. Help him find a focus. For me it was music. Observe him closely, and when he shows an interest in something, encourage it. Help him understand that there is nothing wrong with him. He is not sick. Add is not an illness. It's not a chemical imbalance, although chemical imbalances can make it worse, as in my case. Add is a gift, and it should be communicated to him that as with all gifts, it's up to him to find out how to apply it. And above all, touch and love him, no matter what. We need touch. We need love. A gentle touch during a frustration period can calm and soothe him fast. When he's adjusted to who and what he is, let him decide to leave the meds behind or continue. The teen years are the worst, so he may need them til his 20's or beyond. Also, I recommend that you read everything you can get your hands on about the Indigo children. That will help you learn to help him.

Bright Blessings
Dr. Jasper Goodnow

Thank you so much! I love my son, and tell him this each and everyday. I dont let this issue come between us at all. He is a very sensitive boy, the simplest things make him break down and cry. He is very talented tho. he loves drawing and Music, these are the things he does, that makes him feel the best. and he is great at it! He loves to sing, and just play music. He is a fabulous artist! He makes me proud!

You guys are the best! It seems like everytime i mention putting my son on meds, I get nothing but crap, about how bad they are and how it is an easy way out! I am not looking for an easy way out, and if they dont help him, he will try something else. I am just loking to help my child!
I appreciate the fact that you all have been so great about this and have not jumped on my back about this. I am greatfull! gosh! LES again!

[carole]

Putting your son on meds, is by no means taking the easy way out, don't let people infer that and don't believe it, only you and you alone can make this decision, you are the only one who know's your child,do what you think is best for him, and rest easy knowing you have his best interest at heart.

I can only go by my nephew's experience, who has ADD, but only diagnosed at 14, he had meds for a few years, and they really did help him, especially with his concentration levels at school, as i said before he is an adult now, and has a degree, and is a really good guy,a valuable member of society.

Good luck.,and remember feel ok about your decision.