This is a really sensitive subject for me....

America is obsessed with being thin...it drives me insane(literally). I am 5'3 and I used to weigh 180 pounds, which kind of put me in the size 15/16 scale at the time. I was always heavy...I take after my dad...I am short and squat with a huge bone structure....In my Dad's words, built like a brick s*** house. I was a biig baby, and I never was very thin even when I was young. I was very strong, and I was very healthy...I went to exercise classes two days a week (starting in elementary school with a marine sharpshooter as the fitness instructor). I tried countless times too loose weight and it never worked...

Let me tell you what it was like to be obese as a kid. In elementary school my best friend got in front of the whole class and had them bowing down to me as fat queen. I was bullied and beat up....In middle school I didnt have a whole lot of friends, and I was ridiculed for being the fat kid.

but over all I was happy with myself....I didnt like what people were like around me, but I was me and I didnt care....and what does it really matter as long as you're healthy. I was very solitary...but I had my parents, my cats and my books to keep me happy...I didnt care what other people thought.

In high school I started rowing - rowing is one of the most strenous sports...back legs, abs arms and shoulders...it works pretty much everything. A rower can create enough lactic acid in 8 minutes to keep a proffessional football player puking for two days. We practiced 5 days a week, for two hours each day after classes. My first three years of crew I didnt loose any weight...pretty much maintained...I grew stronger...I was in great shape...but I was definetley a rolly poly. The summer before my senior year I realized that though I was strong enough I wasnt light enough to row in the top boat....so I lost 30 pounds by increasing my running and decreasing my meals....it finally worked, though by standards I was still very large. I remained that way until after my freshman year of college..when the ROTC told me if I didnt loose weight I would be out of the program...so I lost another 20 pounds...I am still not skinny...but I have curves now.

I watched my thinner 'friends' (I realized after I joined the army that I had really just been a tag along and a pain for them for the most part) obsess over being thin, becoming bolemic, anorexic, and sick...I didnt understand that...

So let me tell you what being thinner did to me....people started treating me better, being nicer to me...I could wear everything I wanted to, which was nice...

But my self esteem hit rock bottom...I wasnt comfortable with myself anymore...I have joined the countless women who are asking themselves if they look good...I dont know anymore if people treat me well because they actually like me or if they think I just look good...I find that many people will be nice to me upfront, but when they get to know me (I have a quarky personality) they dislike me....that hurts....when I was overweight, those few people who were real friends didnt care what I looked like, they cared about who I was...and they *knew* me. I like that I lost weight, but at the same time, I am so regretful of loosing that comfort I had.

I dont understand why everyone has such a problem with being large. I know those kids in elementary school beat me up and ridiculed me because their parents taught them it was wrong. And its amazing how something that happened so long ago to a young girl can impact a person 10 or 20 years later.

So before you become disgusted with someone for being large, here's a thought....ask yourself if they are happy with themselves....ask yourself if they are good people on the inside...because its not what's on the outside that matters...its whats within.

whew...sorry for the length...but sometimes you got to understand the other point of view....I'm sort of passionate on this subject because it affected me for a long time...and still does in some ways.