Brand new JOKES Thread!

[GreyhoundGirl]

Why is it that humans feel sorry of orphaned children, but rarely, if ever, feel sorry for their parents?

You can pick your noes, and you can pick your friends but you can't pick your friends noes!

You know you're in trouble when your feet smell and your noes runs. (love that one)

[GreyhoundGirl]

This one is better.

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of course," replies the second man.

I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."

[GreyhoundGirl]

I love this one. Maybe because I'm naturally blonde.

Q: Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand?
A: So brunettes can understand them.

hehehe

[GreyhoundGirl]

Y2K

Dear Boss,

I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.

At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.

In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.

Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K? I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?

[GreyhoundGirl]

Last one: I like this one. LOL

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. -- S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.

[theterrierman]

There's these two guys standing by a huge hole in the ground having a beer. It's too dark to tell how deep it is, so one guy throws a rock in the hole, and waits for the sound of it hitting the bottom. Nothing. So, the second guy throws a full can of beer down the hole, and waits for the sound of it hitting. Still nothing. So the first guy grabs a railroad tie, and pushes it down the hole. Nothing happens still. About 10 seconds later, this tiny Yorkshire Terrier comes running faster than a car, and jumps into the hole. Well, the guys are stunned. About a minute later, this old scottish guy comes over, and in a thick accent, he asks "have ya seen ma weeeeeee yorkshire terrier?" To which one of the guys replies "ya, he just ran like hades past us and jumped down the hole over there." The scotsman replies "nah, that wasn't him, he's 15 years old and can barely walk, and anyway, I tied him to a big friggin railroad tie"

[gini]

I asked the Lord to tell me

Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I'd been 'computering',
And I had to answer "yes."

He told me to get off my fanny
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.

I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick...
I was just admiring my work...
I didn't mean to 'click.'

But click, I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into...
I was into it all night.<>

Nothing's changed except my mouse
It's very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess...
While I sit here on my hiney.