Did you have a career or children first?

**My Peanuts** · 12-07-2006, 10:25 AM

I have no kids so take what I say with a grain of salt. My opinion on the whole thing is that you, me, everyone, will never feel ready. I'm not saying do it now, but my cousin said she wants kids when she has a career and has something like $20,000 in the bank just sitting there. I think that's crazy. I believe in preparing, but honestly I don't think I will ever feel fully ready. Partly it's something you just have to jump into with both feet.

**Pembroke_Corgi** · 12-07-2006, 12:09 PM

Originally Posted by My Peanuts

I believe in preparing, but honestly I don't think I will ever feel fully ready. Partly it's something you just have to jump into with both feet.

I feel the same way...it's hard to feel prepared for something so important. At least, if you have those feelings you are probably going to try your hardest to be ready before committing to having children.

My closest friend is entering medical school next fall. She and her husband want to have kids while she is in med school.

It doesn't seem like the best idea to me, but she said, "There IS no convenient time," which is kind of true. In her case, she will be preparing to become a doctor for the next 7 years. By the time she is done, she will want to secure a job, and she will be 32 years old. She wants to have 3 or 4 kids so that would become less and less likely the older she got (and, I believe, less and less likely after having the first one

).

**Logan** · 12-07-2006, 03:21 PM

It is different for everyone. I married at 22, six months after I graduated from college. I married my "high school sweetheart". He was in NO rush to have kids. I was. Guess who won? Not me! I had my daughter, Helen, when I was 28 years old. I had a decent job and there was no question about whether I was going to have to continue working. It broke my heart to go back to work when that baby was 5 weeks old. Her dad stayed with her for a week and she went to daycare at 6 weeks old. She has been just fine, though. I was lucky enough to be able to take her out of after school care when she was in the 3rd grade, as I started working from home.

Gosh, time passes so quickly and now I have an independent, well adjusted young lady for a daughter. She drives herself to high school every day and pretty much takes care of herself. She is almost 16 years old.

Our marriage did not last and when she was two, we seperated and divorced. It wasn't easy, but we did just fine, and he has been a major influence in her life. Yes, I wish I had given birth to her when I was a bit younger. I was ready and could have managed it just fine, and I hoped for more children, too, but with him, it never would have happened.

I think you have to do what works for both of you. There is a "happy medium" there, somewhere, I promise. But, like Johanna said, I would choose to make more of the time I had prior to my daughter's birth. But then, I also would not have gotten married at 22 if I could do it all over again. LOL!!!

Logan

**JenBKR** · 12-07-2006, 03:55 PM

Well, I'm 27 with no kids and a job, so I guess I'd say career. I don't think I exactly planned, I just went to college, started working, got married.....not that we don't want kids, because we do. It just hasn't happened yet.

**CountryWolf07** · 12-07-2006, 04:08 PM

I'm 22 years old, not married, but I am in college. I think the way life is going for me - it'll put me in the career path instead of marriage/children.

**wolflady** · 12-07-2006, 04:19 PM

For me, it's career all the way. I'm not ready to be a parent, and I'm starting to feel nervous about that because I'm already 30 and still not sure if/when I want to have kids.
There is so much pressure about having kids, but I just don't know if it's for me. I still don't feel like I've "lived" and experienced all the things I want to before I'm tied down with kids. I like my independence and being able to do whatever I want whenever I want.
I also believe that people should be financially stable before bringing kids into the world, and I just don't feel like I'm in a place to provide for kids right now. I don't believe in day care or strangers raising my childen (what's the point of having kids if you never see them or raise them yourself), so one of us would have to give up our career...which is impossible to do out in California. We'd have to move to another state in order to be able to live on only one salary, and I'm just not ready to do that right now either.

Of course...the biological clock IS ticking...*sigh*