Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!
-- Steve Bluestone

My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say, "Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."
- Morey Amsterdam

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
--Lewis Grizzard

There are three faithful friends--an old wife, an old dog and ready money.
--Ben Franklin.

The other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One of them says to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets!"
--Dave Starr

I went to an exclusive kennel club. It was very exclusive. There was a sign out front: "No Dogs Allowed."
--Phil Foster

He that lieth down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.
--Ben Franklin

I have a great dog. She's half Lab, half pit bull. A good combination. Sure, she might bite off my leg, but she'll bring it back to me.
--Jimi Celeste

When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
--Erma Bombeck

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls ...
--Phillis Diller

I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
--Wendy Liebman

My advice to any diplomat who wants to have good press is to have two or three kids and a dog.
--Carl Rowan

I bought my grandmother a Seeing Eye dog. But he's a little sadistic. He does impressions of cars screeching to a halt.
--Larry Amoros

I like driving around with my two dogs, especially on the freeways. I make them wear little hats so I can use the car-pool lanes.
--Monica Piper

It was a small town: Ferguson, Ohio. When you entered there was a big sign and it said, "Welcome to Ferguson. Beware of the Dog." The all-night drugstore closed at noon.
--Jackie Vernon

A man bitten by a dog, whether the animal is mad or not, is apt to get mad himself.
--George D. Prentice 1802-1870 American Journalist & Humorist.