Struggling

[shais_mom]

You haven't "disobeyed" us, we aren't your parents, but I am a mother and if I saw my daughter say the things you have I would be petrefied for her and would probably confront Butch. I really am concerned about the things I see you have written on MySpace etc., and you typed that you were like his daughter, girlfriend, and wife. It's hard not to take that in an odd way, and honestly I think you are confused and have a lot of emotional baggage to deal with because of things in your life. You don't owe me, or anyone else here, anything, but I am concerned that you may not be seeing things as clearly as you may think. I have never met a dad who talks to their daugher the way you say he talks to you so I would just caution you to be careful, and really seek some counseling. Just from your words it seems you are too dependent on Butch, more than is healthy in a father/daughter type relatinoship. It seems like it may be that but also more, and I sure would hate to see you in trouble or hurt. It honestly is exceptionally inappropriate for a married grown man to be discussing the things you say he discusses with you, with an 18-year-old girl who is having her own emotional troubles. I only say anything out of concern for your wellbeing, and I haven't said anything before, because your life is not my business, but I really do hope you are careful and get some counseling.

I really hope that it isn't my post that makes you feel like you "disobeyed" b/c I wasn't implying that. You are your own person. I just hope that we can give you some guidance. You don't "owe" us anything. I agree with Vela that the relationship while strictly platonic is inappropriate to say the least. I suppose things would be different if you were 28 and he 52 - b/c you are older then. But then there is the ick factor. I don't normally post to your threads b/c I feel you need more help then PT can give you - you seem to always be seeking and sometimes the answers can't be found on a website.
I totally agree with what Vela said - that's why I quoted her.
I know your relationship with your mom is less then ideal and I'm sorry you were dealt that hand in life. But calling her names, saying she is nuts, and generally bashing her isn't going to help.

I remember being 18 years old working in a factory listening to at the time what I thought were "old" people but hindsite is they were probably only 30-40 ish talking about their wives, girlfriends, sex, etc and I HATED it when they talked about that in front of me - who wants to hear that - and they weren't even talking TO ME. They were talking around me. Even if Butch's wife and stepdaughter ARE horrible - he needs to find friends closer his own age to discuss them with. Plain and Simple. I still don't like to hear "sex" conversations unless it is b/c me and close friends. But then again - I mentioned the prude factor earlier.....
Like I said - I wish you LUCK.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I'm feeling better about this (and I'm regaining my eyesight, which is always a plus, lol) and I feel a little more talking will get me back on track.

As far as talking to someone, I actually did talk to my school counselor a few days ago. I didn't plan on it happening, I just went in there for a quick credit check and it ended up where I told her a shortened version of my whole life story, and to be completely honest, I came out of her office smiling. I felt sooo refreshed to tell someone what I was feeling... I was very happt the rest of the day.

I'm going to do some online research and see what I can find for counselors in my area. After talking to my school counselor I realize that it's okay to talk about this stuff and it actually really helps, despite what I thought before.

I would like to sincerely thank those of you that have posted. Everytime I've posted some rant you all have pushed me to see someone to talk, and i sort of put it off because I felt like I didn't need it. But talking has helped... it's sometimes even better to tell it to someone who doesn't have a biased opinion or already know what's going on.

The thing with Butch and I... it's hard to explain. Like I said, he's like a dad to me and he's just around if I ever need someone to talk to. Like the party thing I mentioned earlier, he gave me some good advice that pushed me towards not going to the party. He's just watching out for me. I understand that he IS significantly older than me, but I've always been an "age is just a number" person. It wouldn't matter if he was 22 or 82-- if I am attracted to a person's personality, I'm not afraid to talk. I was a VERY shy kid and I still am pretty shy, and I have always found myself connecting with the people older than me (as on here, PT) because they just seem soo much more mature than a lot of kids in my generation. I prefer maturity over humility. I've just always been more drawn to adults than kids my age. *shrugs* Soo, Butch and I? Don't worry about it. We joke and have fun. I work for him so he can go out and do stuff on his own. 9 hours a day at a snowcone stand everyday of the week gets very old very fast.

I'm a big girl. I know what I'm getting myself into and what I need to stay out of. Its alll gooddd. Thank you very much for the concern, though. I appreciate it.

[popcornbird]

I don't understand. I'm confused by your reaction to the posts of concerned PT'ers. I don't understand why you are apologizing to PT'ers. Did you take an oath, and break it? Are we supposed to control your life? Are we your parents? Why ever would you think you need to OBEY us. We don't have any authority over you. We're not your parents. We're not related to you. We haven't ever met you. We're just...people from different parts of the world, who's posts you see on the internet. Sure, people on PT have developed a bond with each other, but still...we're still just people on the internet, who have no authority over you, who don't know you in person. My point? I feel you need help and advice from someone who can always be there for you. Coming to people who happen to be thousands of miles away would not be that beneficial.

As to your relationship with Butch...personally, it freaks me out. It scares me to see an 18 year old girl openly stating she's 'in love' with a 45 year old MARRIED man...and that this man comes and tells you about his problems, as if you are his mama. I don't know who he is, and thus, won't say anything about him, but...in a father/daughter relationship...the father and daughter may love each other, but they are not IN love. There's a difference. It just frightens me. Why is he telling you about his marital problems? You're just a young girl compared to him. What is he trying to imply?

And...about the pictures...well...if you think its a generation or age thing, its not. I'm no more than 2 or 3 years older than you. Same generation...close in age...and I would never think of something like that as acceptable. Girl...do you realize how many sex crimes are happening to girls on MySpace? Its been on the news a LOT lately...and by posting such pictures, you are opening yourself up to predators. I don't wish to hurt your feelings or put you down in any way, but you need to realize how dangerous this is. I know you and your mom don't have a very good relationship, but where is your dad? If I were in your dad's shoes, I would NEVER, by any means, let my teenager daughter get SO close to an older man like that, in which she can't let go of the feelings that came with his hugs, etc. I only feel that way about my husband's hugs, and that's what scares me. Someone who is JUST a friend...his hugs shouldn't feel like that to you. Only the hugs of someone that a person's deeply in love can make a girl feel like that. It just scares me. I hope I'm wrong. Take care of yourself, and be aware of your surroundings...AND...remember...you are your own person. We don't need any apologies for what you do in YOUR life. We're not your parents, and have no authority over you. When we respond, it is just because we're worried and concerned about what such actions can lead to.

[trayi52]

Very well put, Poppy. Megan, this man has no business telling you about his sex life at all, or about his crummy marriage. Sounds like he is expecting more from you.

Please do be careful. You are so young, and he is so much older than you. Do watch they way you dress, I did not see the pictures, so I don't know.

I still respect you as much as ever, Megan, and care about you as much.

Willie

[ramanth]

Very well put, Staci, Vela, and Poppy.

When I was your age, I treated my boss like a trusted confidant (work, life in general, but never subjects as private as sex). However, we never hugged, and he never unloaded his problems onto me. It just wouldn't be right. He was a listening ear, nothing more. He'd give his advice and opinion to the best of his ability, and when it got to the point that he couldn't help, he recommended a councelor and I got the help I needed.

My situation was never like yours admittedly, but I believe everyone should have a confidant, professional or otherwise. But the role of a confidant is to just listen and give advice.

To me it's as if Butch is taking advantage of the situation. He's sharing stuff that he shouldn't. He should probably see a councelor himself. And like others have stated, it really gives the appearance that he expects something. I scratch your back, you scratch mine sort of mentality.

I always felt I could openly talk to my friends parents too, but if they started talking about sex and marital problems, I'd be little more than freaked out.

Just be safe....

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think a lot of you think he is talking to me about his sex life or sex in general. It's not like that, AT ALL.

I don't know. It's hard to explain to people what it's like. I swear to you all it is a friend, father-daughter relationship. Nothing more. He think I'm mature. I work for him. I'm his best friend's daughter. He talks to me about his problems because he knows I'll listen. That's all I'm here for, for him to vent. It's okay, I promise. Can we just not talk about this part anymore?

My mom actually spoke to me today. She acts like everything is fine, whatever. I'm going to sit down with her and have a talk. Soon.

Thanks for the good thoughts everyone. Please don't worry about the Butch situation anymore. I know what I'm doing. I would never let a married man get that close or let him do stuff like that. Trust me, okay?

[Sevaede]

I keep noticing references towards your life or "past"? I don't understand how that connects to this situation. Was there a similar situation?

Sorry, not trying to be mean. I am just a bit confuzzled.