Struggling

[shais_mom]

yes I am older then you but hardly think of myself as "older generation"
yes I have prudish tendencies - I know that and I'm sorry.
I know the girls now a days wear VASTLY different clothes then when I was there 12 or so years ago. But I also remember one other time you posted pics of yourself someone told you to be careful b/c your breasts were hanging out and I see you didn't learn anything. That said I also agree/and know that your myspace is just that - YOUR SPACE. YOUR right- YOUR own to do with whatever you want. But if I am correct in remembering - your myspace page didn't say "I love a 42 year old man like a father" it said "I'm IN love with a 42 year old man"
But also know that the poem in your signature is also just as blatant as your myspace was.
The part that worries me is where you say "we both know better". That means one or the other has thought ______. You are 18 - you are age-wise an adult. That means there aren't any rules or laws that would be broken if anything happened.
I, for your sake, you DO have your head on straight, but I still think you are playing with fire. I wish you luck.....

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

IIIiii wish this never would have happened.

I DO have my head on straight. I know what I'm doing and when I said "we both know better", that's not really what I meant. Neither of us has thought of the other in that way, it's just a friendship. He's pretty much my boss too, I work for him most of the summer. Strictly friends, nothing more, I promise. Nothing has ever happened, nothing will.

I feel like I've disobeyed you all, or disappointed everyone. I'm so sorry you guys.

[Vela]

You haven't "disobeyed" us, we aren't your parents, but I am a mother and if I saw my daughter say the things you have I would be petrefied for her and would probably confront Butch. I really am concerned about the things I see you have written on MySpace etc., and you typed that you were like his daughter, girlfriend, and wife. It's hard not to take that in an odd way, and honestly I think you are confused and have a lot of emotional baggage to deal with because of things in your life. You don't owe me, or anyone else here, anything, but I am concerned that you may not be seeing things as clearly as you may think. I have never met a dad who talks to their daugher the way you say he talks to you so I would just caution you to be careful, and really seek some counseling. Just from your words it seems you are too dependent on Butch, more than is healthy in a father/daughter type relatinoship. It seems like it may be that but also more, and I sure would hate to see you in trouble or hurt. It honestly is exceptionally inappropriate for a married grown man to be discussing the things you say he discusses with you, with an 18-year-old girl who is having her own emotional troubles. I only say anything out of concern for your wellbeing, and I haven't said anything before, because your life is not my business, but I really do hope you are careful and get some counseling.

[shais_mom]

You haven't "disobeyed" us, we aren't your parents, but I am a mother and if I saw my daughter say the things you have I would be petrefied for her and would probably confront Butch. I really am concerned about the things I see you have written on MySpace etc., and you typed that you were like his daughter, girlfriend, and wife. It's hard not to take that in an odd way, and honestly I think you are confused and have a lot of emotional baggage to deal with because of things in your life. You don't owe me, or anyone else here, anything, but I am concerned that you may not be seeing things as clearly as you may think. I have never met a dad who talks to their daugher the way you say he talks to you so I would just caution you to be careful, and really seek some counseling. Just from your words it seems you are too dependent on Butch, more than is healthy in a father/daughter type relatinoship. It seems like it may be that but also more, and I sure would hate to see you in trouble or hurt. It honestly is exceptionally inappropriate for a married grown man to be discussing the things you say he discusses with you, with an 18-year-old girl who is having her own emotional troubles. I only say anything out of concern for your wellbeing, and I haven't said anything before, because your life is not my business, but I really do hope you are careful and get some counseling.

I really hope that it isn't my post that makes you feel like you "disobeyed" b/c I wasn't implying that. You are your own person. I just hope that we can give you some guidance. You don't "owe" us anything. I agree with Vela that the relationship while strictly platonic is inappropriate to say the least. I suppose things would be different if you were 28 and he 52 - b/c you are older then. But then there is the ick factor. I don't normally post to your threads b/c I feel you need more help then PT can give you - you seem to always be seeking and sometimes the answers can't be found on a website.
I totally agree with what Vela said - that's why I quoted her.
I know your relationship with your mom is less then ideal and I'm sorry you were dealt that hand in life. But calling her names, saying she is nuts, and generally bashing her isn't going to help.

I remember being 18 years old working in a factory listening to at the time what I thought were "old" people but hindsite is they were probably only 30-40 ish talking about their wives, girlfriends, sex, etc and I HATED it when they talked about that in front of me - who wants to hear that - and they weren't even talking TO ME. They were talking around me. Even if Butch's wife and stepdaughter ARE horrible - he needs to find friends closer his own age to discuss them with. Plain and Simple. I still don't like to hear "sex" conversations unless it is b/c me and close friends. But then again - I mentioned the prude factor earlier.....
Like I said - I wish you LUCK.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I'm feeling better about this (and I'm regaining my eyesight, which is always a plus, lol) and I feel a little more talking will get me back on track.

As far as talking to someone, I actually did talk to my school counselor a few days ago. I didn't plan on it happening, I just went in there for a quick credit check and it ended up where I told her a shortened version of my whole life story, and to be completely honest, I came out of her office smiling. I felt sooo refreshed to tell someone what I was feeling... I was very happt the rest of the day.

I'm going to do some online research and see what I can find for counselors in my area. After talking to my school counselor I realize that it's okay to talk about this stuff and it actually really helps, despite what I thought before.

I would like to sincerely thank those of you that have posted. Everytime I've posted some rant you all have pushed me to see someone to talk, and i sort of put it off because I felt like I didn't need it. But talking has helped... it's sometimes even better to tell it to someone who doesn't have a biased opinion or already know what's going on.

The thing with Butch and I... it's hard to explain. Like I said, he's like a dad to me and he's just around if I ever need someone to talk to. Like the party thing I mentioned earlier, he gave me some good advice that pushed me towards not going to the party. He's just watching out for me. I understand that he IS significantly older than me, but I've always been an "age is just a number" person. It wouldn't matter if he was 22 or 82-- if I am attracted to a person's personality, I'm not afraid to talk. I was a VERY shy kid and I still am pretty shy, and I have always found myself connecting with the people older than me (as on here, PT) because they just seem soo much more mature than a lot of kids in my generation. I prefer maturity over humility. I've just always been more drawn to adults than kids my age. *shrugs* Soo, Butch and I? Don't worry about it. We joke and have fun. I work for him so he can go out and do stuff on his own. 9 hours a day at a snowcone stand everyday of the week gets very old very fast.

I'm a big girl. I know what I'm getting myself into and what I need to stay out of. Its alll gooddd. Thank you very much for the concern, though. I appreciate it.

[popcornbird]

I don't understand. I'm confused by your reaction to the posts of concerned PT'ers. I don't understand why you are apologizing to PT'ers. Did you take an oath, and break it? Are we supposed to control your life? Are we your parents? Why ever would you think you need to OBEY us. We don't have any authority over you. We're not your parents. We're not related to you. We haven't ever met you. We're just...people from different parts of the world, who's posts you see on the internet. Sure, people on PT have developed a bond with each other, but still...we're still just people on the internet, who have no authority over you, who don't know you in person. My point? I feel you need help and advice from someone who can always be there for you. Coming to people who happen to be thousands of miles away would not be that beneficial.

As to your relationship with Butch...personally, it freaks me out. It scares me to see an 18 year old girl openly stating she's 'in love' with a 45 year old MARRIED man...and that this man comes and tells you about his problems, as if you are his mama. I don't know who he is, and thus, won't say anything about him, but...in a father/daughter relationship...the father and daughter may love each other, but they are not IN love. There's a difference. It just frightens me. Why is he telling you about his marital problems? You're just a young girl compared to him. What is he trying to imply?

And...about the pictures...well...if you think its a generation or age thing, its not. I'm no more than 2 or 3 years older than you. Same generation...close in age...and I would never think of something like that as acceptable. Girl...do you realize how many sex crimes are happening to girls on MySpace? Its been on the news a LOT lately...and by posting such pictures, you are opening yourself up to predators. I don't wish to hurt your feelings or put you down in any way, but you need to realize how dangerous this is. I know you and your mom don't have a very good relationship, but where is your dad? If I were in your dad's shoes, I would NEVER, by any means, let my teenager daughter get SO close to an older man like that, in which she can't let go of the feelings that came with his hugs, etc. I only feel that way about my husband's hugs, and that's what scares me. Someone who is JUST a friend...his hugs shouldn't feel like that to you. Only the hugs of someone that a person's deeply in love can make a girl feel like that. It just scares me. I hope I'm wrong. Take care of yourself, and be aware of your surroundings...AND...remember...you are your own person. We don't need any apologies for what you do in YOUR life. We're not your parents, and have no authority over you. When we respond, it is just because we're worried and concerned about what such actions can lead to.

[trayi52]

Very well put, Poppy. Megan, this man has no business telling you about his sex life at all, or about his crummy marriage. Sounds like he is expecting more from you.

Please do be careful. You are so young, and he is so much older than you. Do watch they way you dress, I did not see the pictures, so I don't know.

I still respect you as much as ever, Megan, and care about you as much.

Willie

[ramanth]

Very well put, Staci, Vela, and Poppy.

When I was your age, I treated my boss like a trusted confidant (work, life in general, but never subjects as private as sex). However, we never hugged, and he never unloaded his problems onto me. It just wouldn't be right. He was a listening ear, nothing more. He'd give his advice and opinion to the best of his ability, and when it got to the point that he couldn't help, he recommended a councelor and I got the help I needed.

My situation was never like yours admittedly, but I believe everyone should have a confidant, professional or otherwise. But the role of a confidant is to just listen and give advice.

To me it's as if Butch is taking advantage of the situation. He's sharing stuff that he shouldn't. He should probably see a councelor himself. And like others have stated, it really gives the appearance that he expects something. I scratch your back, you scratch mine sort of mentality.

I always felt I could openly talk to my friends parents too, but if they started talking about sex and marital problems, I'd be little more than freaked out.

Just be safe....

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think a lot of you think he is talking to me about his sex life or sex in general. It's not like that, AT ALL.

I don't know. It's hard to explain to people what it's like. I swear to you all it is a friend, father-daughter relationship. Nothing more. He think I'm mature. I work for him. I'm his best friend's daughter. He talks to me about his problems because he knows I'll listen. That's all I'm here for, for him to vent. It's okay, I promise. Can we just not talk about this part anymore?

My mom actually spoke to me today. She acts like everything is fine, whatever. I'm going to sit down with her and have a talk. Soon.

Thanks for the good thoughts everyone. Please don't worry about the Butch situation anymore. I know what I'm doing. I would never let a married man get that close or let him do stuff like that. Trust me, okay?

[Sevaede]

I keep noticing references towards your life or "past"? I don't understand how that connects to this situation. Was there a similar situation?

Sorry, not trying to be mean. I am just a bit confuzzled.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I'm unsure as to what you mean... references about my past?

[Vela]

I guess I missed something? I am not understanding where the anger is coming from towards Megan? What did she do any of you to make anyone angry? She obviously has issues that need to be dealt with by a professional, to help in coping with an emotionally difficult family life, etc., but I am not seeing how she "duped" anyone, or "tricked' anyone, or got anyone to do things for her that put them out in any way. How did she make fools out of people? I'm confused...I don't think bashing her and making her feel worse is going to help at all. No matter what, she obviously needs some support, even if you don't agree with her choices.

[K9soul]

Why are you so angry with Megan? Yes I see a danger in some of the choices she is making and it worries and concerns me. I don't want to see her hurt or taken advantage of. Getting angry isn't going to do anything but make her feel more alienated than she already does by adults in her life. I most certainly agree with advice and insight given here but getting angry and hurtful will not help anything and can make things worse. Further driving someone down who is already down on themselves only causes more problems and ultimately can lead to more destructive thinking and decisions.

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

Megan has a LOT to deal with, and IMHO the last thing she needs is to feel that she has lost our support.

It's just like with your OWN kids - you may not like everything they do, you may not agree with everything they do, you may not agree with the people they hang out with, but the bottom line is that they need UNCONDITIONAL love and support........

Meg, over the past few years you have grown up in our PT family, and we all know what difficult circumstances you have had to deal with at home.

I am not speaking on behalf of anyone else, but from me - Meg, please know that I worry about you, and I hope that things start to go a little bit more smoothly in your life. You have just turned 18 - it's an exciting time, but it's also a bit overwhelming. You have a lot to deal with, and I think that you have already handled MORE problems than anyone should be expected to.

I'm only a PM away if you want to talk!


(((HUGS)))

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Boy have I learned a huge lesson from this crock of ****. Let it be said, I am NOT stereotyping any of the younger generation here. There are a lot of younger PT members that I highly respect and admire. But YOU ILoveMyAbbyGirl, are a piece of work. You have made fools out of many members of this board and should be ashamed of yourself. After reading this entire thread, I will NEVER believe or trust anything you say or do again. Am I angry? **** right. Fool me one, you should be ashamed, fool me twice I should be ashamed. My advice to you is to get some serious help, as you definitely need it.

Staci,

Thanks for setting the record straight.

I honestly have no idea why you are so angry with me, but to be honest, it hurt my feelings and almost made me cry. You were one of those people that I looked up to and all of a sudden I'm a piece of work and I can't be trusted? What on EARTH did I do wrong to deserve no respect from you??


Thanks to the rest of you for your support. I am trying to seek help, and with a full schedule at work and school, it's not coming along quickly. Please let it be known that I am going to get help as soon as I can. Thanks for the thoughts.