Struggling

[Cataholic]

I am deleting my original post for my own reasons.

[shais_mom]

And I also think that if that other kid beat you out of first chair - then maybe you should talk to your teacher and ask what it is that you have done. With all that is going on in your life maybe your performance has decreased. THAT SAID- I AM NOT CONDONING THAT KID'S BEHAIVOR ONE BIT. That isn't a friend. I don't think the teacher would give him first chair just b/c.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

i''ve dug myself a hole here, i see? (pardon my typing, i just got back from the eye doctor and my eyes are dilated and I can't see ANYTHING! i was sitting very close to the screen to be able to read these posts.)

Okay... where do I start?

with an apology, first off. The pictures I supposed I can't apologize for, but loving that guy... it's more of a father-daughter relationship than anything. Please guys, belieive me when I say I have a head on my shoulders and I know what and what not to get into. We are strictly friends, both of us know better. I swear. I wouldn't lie to you guys about anything. Pet TAlk is my second home, and often my frist when I've got no mother around. I've waited a long time to get the respect i had and now I feel like I've completely blown it.

(really really cant see, lol(

You guys, I'm sorry. I hope I can sort of regain your trust in me again... The pictures, that's just what gets worn these days and I know it's not an excuse. To be honest, I'm not on myspace all that frequently and don't change my pictures often. The pictures are a mistake, I know. I screwed up, that's for sure. BUt you ahve to sort of see it my way, it doesn't seem as bad to me adn my friends my age, because that's just.. what it is. The older generation doesn't see it as we do but I'm still profusely sorry.

bottom line, I know better. the pictures were a huge mistake.


im sorry?

[shais_mom]

yes I am older then you but hardly think of myself as "older generation"
yes I have prudish tendencies - I know that and I'm sorry.
I know the girls now a days wear VASTLY different clothes then when I was there 12 or so years ago. But I also remember one other time you posted pics of yourself someone told you to be careful b/c your breasts were hanging out and I see you didn't learn anything. That said I also agree/and know that your myspace is just that - YOUR SPACE. YOUR right- YOUR own to do with whatever you want. But if I am correct in remembering - your myspace page didn't say "I love a 42 year old man like a father" it said "I'm IN love with a 42 year old man"
But also know that the poem in your signature is also just as blatant as your myspace was.
The part that worries me is where you say "we both know better". That means one or the other has thought ______. You are 18 - you are age-wise an adult. That means there aren't any rules or laws that would be broken if anything happened.
I, for your sake, you DO have your head on straight, but I still think you are playing with fire. I wish you luck.....

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

IIIiii wish this never would have happened.

I DO have my head on straight. I know what I'm doing and when I said "we both know better", that's not really what I meant. Neither of us has thought of the other in that way, it's just a friendship. He's pretty much my boss too, I work for him most of the summer. Strictly friends, nothing more, I promise. Nothing has ever happened, nothing will.

I feel like I've disobeyed you all, or disappointed everyone. I'm so sorry you guys.

[Vela]

You haven't "disobeyed" us, we aren't your parents, but I am a mother and if I saw my daughter say the things you have I would be petrefied for her and would probably confront Butch. I really am concerned about the things I see you have written on MySpace etc., and you typed that you were like his daughter, girlfriend, and wife. It's hard not to take that in an odd way, and honestly I think you are confused and have a lot of emotional baggage to deal with because of things in your life. You don't owe me, or anyone else here, anything, but I am concerned that you may not be seeing things as clearly as you may think. I have never met a dad who talks to their daugher the way you say he talks to you so I would just caution you to be careful, and really seek some counseling. Just from your words it seems you are too dependent on Butch, more than is healthy in a father/daughter type relatinoship. It seems like it may be that but also more, and I sure would hate to see you in trouble or hurt. It honestly is exceptionally inappropriate for a married grown man to be discussing the things you say he discusses with you, with an 18-year-old girl who is having her own emotional troubles. I only say anything out of concern for your wellbeing, and I haven't said anything before, because your life is not my business, but I really do hope you are careful and get some counseling.

[shais_mom]

You haven't "disobeyed" us, we aren't your parents, but I am a mother and if I saw my daughter say the things you have I would be petrefied for her and would probably confront Butch. I really am concerned about the things I see you have written on MySpace etc., and you typed that you were like his daughter, girlfriend, and wife. It's hard not to take that in an odd way, and honestly I think you are confused and have a lot of emotional baggage to deal with because of things in your life. You don't owe me, or anyone else here, anything, but I am concerned that you may not be seeing things as clearly as you may think. I have never met a dad who talks to their daugher the way you say he talks to you so I would just caution you to be careful, and really seek some counseling. Just from your words it seems you are too dependent on Butch, more than is healthy in a father/daughter type relatinoship. It seems like it may be that but also more, and I sure would hate to see you in trouble or hurt. It honestly is exceptionally inappropriate for a married grown man to be discussing the things you say he discusses with you, with an 18-year-old girl who is having her own emotional troubles. I only say anything out of concern for your wellbeing, and I haven't said anything before, because your life is not my business, but I really do hope you are careful and get some counseling.

I really hope that it isn't my post that makes you feel like you "disobeyed" b/c I wasn't implying that. You are your own person. I just hope that we can give you some guidance. You don't "owe" us anything. I agree with Vela that the relationship while strictly platonic is inappropriate to say the least. I suppose things would be different if you were 28 and he 52 - b/c you are older then. But then there is the ick factor. I don't normally post to your threads b/c I feel you need more help then PT can give you - you seem to always be seeking and sometimes the answers can't be found on a website.
I totally agree with what Vela said - that's why I quoted her.
I know your relationship with your mom is less then ideal and I'm sorry you were dealt that hand in life. But calling her names, saying she is nuts, and generally bashing her isn't going to help.

I remember being 18 years old working in a factory listening to at the time what I thought were "old" people but hindsite is they were probably only 30-40 ish talking about their wives, girlfriends, sex, etc and I HATED it when they talked about that in front of me - who wants to hear that - and they weren't even talking TO ME. They were talking around me. Even if Butch's wife and stepdaughter ARE horrible - he needs to find friends closer his own age to discuss them with. Plain and Simple. I still don't like to hear "sex" conversations unless it is b/c me and close friends. But then again - I mentioned the prude factor earlier.....
Like I said - I wish you LUCK.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I'm feeling better about this (and I'm regaining my eyesight, which is always a plus, lol) and I feel a little more talking will get me back on track.

As far as talking to someone, I actually did talk to my school counselor a few days ago. I didn't plan on it happening, I just went in there for a quick credit check and it ended up where I told her a shortened version of my whole life story, and to be completely honest, I came out of her office smiling. I felt sooo refreshed to tell someone what I was feeling... I was very happt the rest of the day.

I'm going to do some online research and see what I can find for counselors in my area. After talking to my school counselor I realize that it's okay to talk about this stuff and it actually really helps, despite what I thought before.

I would like to sincerely thank those of you that have posted. Everytime I've posted some rant you all have pushed me to see someone to talk, and i sort of put it off because I felt like I didn't need it. But talking has helped... it's sometimes even better to tell it to someone who doesn't have a biased opinion or already know what's going on.

The thing with Butch and I... it's hard to explain. Like I said, he's like a dad to me and he's just around if I ever need someone to talk to. Like the party thing I mentioned earlier, he gave me some good advice that pushed me towards not going to the party. He's just watching out for me. I understand that he IS significantly older than me, but I've always been an "age is just a number" person. It wouldn't matter if he was 22 or 82-- if I am attracted to a person's personality, I'm not afraid to talk. I was a VERY shy kid and I still am pretty shy, and I have always found myself connecting with the people older than me (as on here, PT) because they just seem soo much more mature than a lot of kids in my generation. I prefer maturity over humility. I've just always been more drawn to adults than kids my age. *shrugs* Soo, Butch and I? Don't worry about it. We joke and have fun. I work for him so he can go out and do stuff on his own. 9 hours a day at a snowcone stand everyday of the week gets very old very fast.

I'm a big girl. I know what I'm getting myself into and what I need to stay out of. Its alll gooddd. Thank you very much for the concern, though. I appreciate it.