Struggling

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

(Sorry about the language Karen! I was upset and I was typing it all really fast cuz I was at school. I didn't have time to go back and fix it once I reread it. )

That's just the thing. I don't want to drink, I just want to go to this party and meet people and have fun. I was really shy my whole life up until a few years ago and I kinda just want to let go and have fun and finally be able to talk to people.

Mom still hasn't spoken to me. She'll be real happy to find out that I'm staying at dad's tonight cuz he's making my favorite, grilled cheese.

Also found out that Nate, the kid who beat me for first chair, was doing quite a bit of boasting after I left. I've beaten him two years in a row and never ONCE made a rude comment or a snappy remark about it. NEVER. Why does that make it okay for him to be a jerk to me?

I don't know what to do anymore. I hope Butch at least calls tonight so I can get his opinion on the Max thing and the party deal... THEN I'm getting my fleece blanket, my book and some water. (No pop for me! I'm dieting. )

Speaking of dieting, I think I'm doing well! I don't have a scale around because the one at my mom's is broke and well, my dad... finds no need in a scale. But I was at my grandma's the other day and my grandma asked if I had lost weight and then my grandpa said, "I was going to say the same thing, a lonngg time ago, but I never did." So yay! I really want to weigh myself, lol.

Ooh, and my book. It's called Running With Scissors by... Augusten Barrough or something? It's quite good so far, it's an autobiography. It's very funny and a little strange, but it's coming out in theaters soon so I wanted to read it before I see the movie.

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I still don't know what I'm going to do about the party...

[Sevaede]

Just don't go. If they can't respect your decisions, wants, and needs, then do you really want those types of people around you?

[Vela]

I was just wondering if you are seeing a counselor?? If you aren't I think it would be good for you. After reading some of this, I am very concerned for you.

[Cataholic]

Also found out that Nate, the kid who beat me for first chair, was doing quite a bit of boasting after I left. I've beaten him two years in a row and never ONCE made a rude comment or a snappy remark about it. NEVER. Why does that make it okay for him to be a jerk to me?

Oh, that one is SO easy to answer. You are twice the person this Nate character is: you have class, composure and maturity.

[sasvermont]

Gosh, life can be difficult, at best. Hang in there.

My advice to young and old alike (and to myself mostly) is to always try to take the high road when making decisions. In other words, the road that is most sensible, courageous, important, intelligent, mature and in the end, the most rewarding. To go to a party and not drink is commendable. I do drink, but often turn down drinks when I think I have had enough or if I think the evening will turn out to be a mess.... i.e. drinking too much, etc.

When it comes to making snide remarks, the high road works again. I confess to missing the exit sign for the high road, from time to time.

There are so many decision made in life, that if one just sat back and thought about the consequences, different decision may have been made.

Keep you chin up, your nose high in the air, you grades up in school, sit in whatever chair was assigned to you and do it with pride. Now you know how the folks in the back feel! Being second chair to them would be wonderful.

Life is short my dear, play hard and play fair. You will win in the end, for sure! I promise.

P. S. Peer pressure is incredible at this point in your life. It takes an immense amount of energy on your behalf and trust in yourself, to say no to things you know will not be good for you. Please, please don't give in to the peer pressure. Be cool, be different than the others, dare to be different and ABOVE all the so called cool stuff. Start a new trend of not drinking. Actually, I think you need to seek out friends who don't give in to peer pressure in the negative sense. Be selective. Enjoy the things life has to offer and be above all the crappy things. You have plenty of time in your life, to have a few beers etc. You are way, way to young my dear. Way too young. Wait until you are a young adult. Really.

You want to come live with me? I will be you mom. Hehehehehehhehehe.