Meeting with someone you hate?

[catnapper]

Oh goodness, a list! I already have a partial list from when I was supposed to send it to the higher ups (I chickened out)

[jazzcat]

Hey I didn't know you worked with my sister in law. Wonder when she became a dog trainer.

Seriously you are describing my relationship with my SIL to a T. Imagine having to spend Christmas with your dog trainer, that is what I have to do each year. Last Christmas Day things between us go so bad that she ran to the back of the house to call a family member to bad mouth me, my brother (her husband) went outside and sat in his car and I went out to my Dad's woodworking shop to hide and almost cry. Merry Christmas! Since my Mom died two years ago my SIL (also known as the witch) has directed all her evil rays on me. She started at the funeral and hasn't stopped since.

I have absolutely no advice but I'm listening.

[K9karen]

D**n! I hate confrontation too! I'm so so bad at it and become an emotional wreck. Most of the time it's not even MY fault. I think the suggestions about writing things down is super advise. My bet, is that she'll be defensive, but sweet and come out smelling like a rose instead of a cesspool.

Kim, be firm but gentle. Let her show her true stripes. Be the dignified lady you are! I know you can do it! You've been through a lot lately and don't need this witch to upset you more.

[jenluckenbach]

All I can say is Best of luck.

[Catty1]

Describe and list ACTIONS - not the PERSON.

What she DID and DOES, not who she IS.

Takes the personal stuff out, and is still accurate.

As for the "behind the scenes" stuff - hard to prove - just preface that list with "It has come to our attention" or "It has been reported that".

Think of this as doing her a big favour. She may honestly not be aware. This is HELPING her to maybe change - which will help everyone else.

You're being part of the solution by doing this. Everyone is.

HUGS

[kuhio98]

What makes you think that she is purposely doing things when you're not at the store to drive you crazy? Maybe she's just a clueless person who thinks she's the center of the universe. What I'm saying, is that instead of interpreting her actions as an personal attack on you, could it be that she just doesn't know that you guys are supposed to work as a team? Are you supposed to work as a team?

So, I would give her specific examples. The time you decided to do (whatever), really caused me some problems. Here's why......
In the future, I would appreciate it if you would let me have input into this sort of thing. You you can always call me on my cell phone.


So, maybe I'm not getting it. Does she have some sort of seniority over you to change things? If so, then she's sort of your boss.

If she doesn't have seniority, then she's either clueless (I always assume that everyone in innocent until proven guilty) or she is a insecure, power-hungry person who needs to be counseled by her supervisor. That's not your job. Like I said, maybe I'm not getting it.

You have to be specific. If you are emotional (because you perceive her actions as a personal attack on you), you will lose the battle. This is not about emotions at all. It is to come up with a plan to work together and do the best job possible for your customers.

[catnapper]

Thanks guys. I have senority over her. We are supposed to work as a team but she's done everything in her power to make everything about her. I went to my manager with concerns about her as soon as I saw a problem arising - he should have nipped it in the bud at the time, but he let it go because he didn't have the managerial skills to do so. She has repeatedly done things she should NOT have done and my manager just says "make sure it doesn't happen again" and lets her actions escallate.... remember, this is the same trainer that did not show up for her first class in the store. He continually let her run the store. Its his issue due to his lack of managing her from the start and he should be reining her in, not me.