Kids who don't have responsibilities...

[Cataholic]

I have to laugh at what I call, "reverse bragging". It isn't bragging about what you have, but, what you don't have, and how hard it is for you.

I grew up in a household where education was drummed into our head. Not IF we go to college, but WHERE we go to college. All 8 of us 'kids' are college educated. Doesn't mean we are **great** or anything, but, the value and import in our household was on education. So, if we were in school, and participating in ONE extra curricular event, no work for us. I didn't have much of any job until I graduated from college at 21 or 22 (how old was I? ).

I had most of my education paid for, had spending money, worked in the summers for 'fun' money, etc. I also didn't own a vehicle until I graduated. I paid for it (needed my mom to co-sign), and my expenses, except 'rent' and food, from there on.

I turned out 'responsible'. To me, it is about personal accounting. I shudder to think of being kicked out at 18, locks changed, or working two jobs, as a youthful adult. I couldn't imagine kicking Jonah out at 18, 21, or, even 25! I am his mother. It is my 'job' to raise him, to educate him, to teach him about life. I just don't find the chapter in my mommy handbook that says, "if he doesn't have it rough, he won't succeed". Thankfully, my parents didn't find it in their handbook, either.

If you are under 21, your 'job' is to educate yourself, come heck or highwater, or, spend a large part of your adulthood lamenting the fact you didn't. (not that I am saying if you are older than 21 you shouldn't educate yourself! It is just harder to go back. I should know, I was 29 when I went to lawschool- living 'rent free' with my mom, who paid for my car insurance, food, clothes, etc.)

Maybe that is what my problem is! I am a freeloader! LOL. If you can't live off of your family, who CAN you live off of?

I figure it all comes full circle....and, I won't be changing any locks to deny my mother free access to my home.

[moosmom]

I figure it all comes full circle....and, I won't be changing any locks to deny my mother free access to my home

Want to adopt me Jo?? My daughter has already told me I couldn't stay with her. Oh well. Like you said, things do come around full circle.

[Cataholic]

Want to adopt me Jo?? My daughter has already told me I couldn't stay with her. Oh well. Like you said, things do come around full circle.

Sure, we need more cats at my house! Seriously, full circle doesn't necessarily mean full circle with the same people.....maybe in your situation, it means with someone else that had given/taken before. Full circle with a detour!

[Blue_Frog]

GreyhoundGirl wrote:
Yikes, I take it you were OK? The 401 scares me, in the last 2 or 3 months many people I know have been hurt there, and some perished . Four people, I think, that I know personally, in 3 months !

I'm sorry to hear about your friends being hurt/killed on the 401 too -- its a terrible highway in places

Yeah, I was mostly Ok -- a few weeks off work, chrio and misc. but thankfully no major injuries! I was actually impressed how well my car stood up (good quality north american steel i guess ) ... had quite a lot of problems getting back on the highway afterwards (i drive from the miss/oakville boarder to markham every day) so i ended up getting an Escape instead. Theres just too many agressive/overtired truckdrivers out there I think, and the fact that the one that hit me first 'didn't see me there' made me more worried.

[popcornbird]

Maybe that is what my problem is! I am a freeloader! LOL. If you can't live off of your family, who CAN you live off of?

I completely agree with that statement. Completely! And...I honestly feel that parents who kick their kids out at 18, just because they turned 18, are nothing but cruel and heartless towards their children. That doesn't teach responsibility. At least not in my view. That teaches miserliness, and selfishness. "I earn for myself. What I earn is mine. My hard work pays for me." THAT is the kind of attitude I hate. When kids come to their parents' home after adulthood, they're not welcome like they were when they were young. When parents need to stay with their kids, "You can't live with me." Throwing your kids out at 18 teaches them to be selfish...nothing else. Responsibility is taught with love and affection, and being there for each other.

I am married now, but still not 'kicked out' of my parents' home. What I mean by that is...I still have my set of keys to the house, and can go there whenever I want...even if my parents are not at home. My house is their house and their house is my house. When I am in need of my parents, I *know* I can count on them. When they are in need of me, they know they can count on me. For me, family is family, and the people who are supposed to be there for you when you are in need, at all times, no matter what your age. That doesn't only go for parents and kids. It goes for siblings too.

Like Johanna said, if you can't live off of your family, who can you live off of? If you can't count on your family, who can you count on?

[caseysmom]

My kids can stay and live in my house as long as they want. My youngest wants to stay at home all during her 8 years of college, she is welcome with open arms. My comment about the locks comes from a whole lot of attitude coming from my teen and causing a lot of hardship on the household. I have tried everything all the love, intervening and just about everything you can imagine. Once she turns 18 I won't take the abuse anymore. You don't know what I am going through so don't judge me.

[signorelli21]

hrm, its definately the parents that determine how their children will turn out.

i got a job at 16 bought a car, dropped out of school, moved out at 17, joined the army at 19, put myself through college a few years later, and now am 25 with a very bright career as a computer technician.

does that make me better than someone who was given everything? i think not. what i failed to mention is that my parents offered no guidance and did not care what i did, i learned the very hard way by breaking all the rules and getting into alot of trouble, living on the street and doing other unspeakable things to survive.

anyway, it doesn't matter because everyone has a tough life in some way or anouther, and its not up to us to judge how other people raise their children.
if jimmy wants to drop out of school and live with mommy until he is 30 , thats fine, he will have a very sheltered life and i pity him, but i do not envy him.

there will always be people more fortunate than you in life, this is something you either accept or spend all of your time ranting about online, i neither hate rich people nor feel sorry for poor people.
(steps down from soapbox)

well, i'm off work now, time to go home and play with my puppy
have a good day!!!

[husky_lover]

I have to agree with most everyone here. I'm 22 and I dropped out of high school my senior year but I've had a job since I turned 16. My mother never "gave" me anything for "free". She even kicked me out when I dropped out of school. I had to work for anything that I wanted or needed and I've thanked her for that now. I wouldn't be as responsible as I am now if she would have given me everything I wanted. I now have five kids and I've been married for 3 years in December. I love my mother for what she made me do. Some of these kids now have no Idea how easy they have it.

[Logan]

Kay, your point is well taken and I see it a lot, having a teenage daughter of my own. As long as she stays in school, keeps her grades up, plays her sports and helps out at home, I have no problem. She is a 15 year old girl who has not disappointed us at this time, and she is striving to get into college at a school with high academic standards. That is the most important thing for her to concentrate on at this time. BUT, I do hold her responsible for some of her outside expenses, even though she doesn't hold a job at this point. I just don't want to see that hand held out, all the time, for this or that, especially eating out and movies, when a meal is being provided at home. That is the kind of thing that she has to make choices about and use her own money to pay. She makes some money by babysitting, and yes, I pay her a measly allowance, every month. But, I buy her clothes, pay for sports expenses, buy her gasoline (as long as she is being responsible in where she is driving), and obviously pay all her other living expenses. I am proud of the choices my daughter has made and I have tried to raise her the way my parents raised me, to be responsible, with my education as the most important thing.

I worked in the summers from the time I was 14 years old. I rode my bicycle to work most days, when I wasn't a legal driver, and later either got a ride from one of my parents, or drove one of their cars, when it suited them. My parents paid for me to go to college, and I worked in the summers to raise my spending money. I did that all the way through college, and although my dad bought my first car, the summer after my Junior year in college, I also had to sign a note to pay him back for it, as soon as I graduated.

My daughter is more spoiled than I was, but she has earned that right, and I think that every child needs to learn responsibility and not just feel entitled to free room and board, without something in return.

[dogzr#1]

I can't really speak out of experience because I am only 13, but I can speak on behalf of my brothers. I can say that I might be called 'spoiled' because I don't do much around the house, yet get lots of stuff. I'm not totally spoiled; like I don't whine about how I have to get the newest clothes or whatever. I'm happy if I get my clothes at Wal-Mart! Sorry to get slightly off topic. But, that is what irks me. When girls have like a billion outfits and they don't pay for any of them. I had to use my own money for school clothes, given I didn't earn that money, but I still had a limit.

Ok, now for my brothers' stories. When my brother turned 18, he didn't get a job right away or have to pay for anything in the house. He was still going to college so he could get a good job. Yes, my parents paid for all his stuff but they said that it was at a good price. He was getting an education for a better job. As soon as he finished getting his...is it bachelors? Well he went to college for four years. Anyway, when he finished that, he went out and got a job. He is now a teacher, but still lives with us. He got himself a new truck and will move out as soon as he gets a couple more paychecks.

My other brother whom is 20, also still lives with us. He doesn't pay for many things, if any but he is also going to college. So I guess my parents' 'policy' is that you don't have to earn your own stuff until you finish college. And if they do finish college but can't find a job, they won't kick them out of the house. That's cruel IMO. They might start stealing or selling drugs to actually get enough money to rent an apartment or a place to live. I don't think my brothers are spoiled, but I think they do have enough responsibilities.

Woah, didn't want this thing to be so long!