Kids who don't have responsibilities...

[caseysmom]

I totally agree Kay. I tell my kids if they are in college, fine they don't have to work, but still have to help with the house. If they don't go to college they need to work, they can't do neither.

I feel that my girls MUST have careers. You can marry but you never know what will happen in your lifetime. What if your husband becomes ill? What if your marriage becomes unbearable and you are financially depenedent on him?

I think the child rearing is a joint responsibility and the work schedules can be adjusted for both parents to work, I think it is a good example to our daughters.

[Alysser]

I agree with you, even though I am a kid, I am so tired of seeing kids in school who do nothing and have coach purses, uggs, make-up, abercrombie, and whatever other crap they want. This girl who sits near me and langauge arts was complaining today about how her mom would not let go to the movies because she refused to clean her room! It takes less then TWO MINUTES!! Just clean it.

I have uggs, coach purses, and stuff but I don't laze around all day. I maybe 13 but I do have ALOT of responsiblities. My two most important tasks are Pets and school. Especially pets! My parents made it VERY clear to me that if I want to have pets I have to take care of them. I wouldn't ever be allowed to get another one if I didn't work for my pets. I walk Sassy almost everyday, feed her, let her go inside the laundry room to pee/poop, clean up her poop on walks, watch her, play with her, and train her constantly. With Star I clean her cage, feed her, give her more water, ect. Same with the fish. I don't do laundry but I do whatever else my mom tells me. I have school to. I need to study for tests/quizzes, do ALL my homework, and most importantly keep my grades up. I have a 99% in math right now!! I also do minor chores like make my bed, cover Stars cage at night, lock Sassy in her "house", ect. I do all my chores, then worry about fun. If I needed to clean my room to go to the movies I would. How hard is that?

I see where you are coming from Kay and I understand as I have to deal with it everyday. These girls who have no responsiblities make fun of others who have them.

[cali]

oh I know it always bothers me that my best friend complains about how awful her mom is, how she is constantly broke etc.. meanwhile she works(or worked, she back in school now) 4 good paying jobs, her parnets still buy everything for her, all she has to pay for is her cell phone and gas for her truck, or if she goes shopping without her parents.

ok, I come from an extremly low income family(on welfare) so guess what? that means I have to pay to live in my house, I have to buy grocerys for the family, I have to pay the costs of all my pets, plus the vet bills of my moms pets, I have to pay the gas of both my parents cars, plus my own cell and cable bills, an of coarse I have to pay for all my own clothes and othe such things, I work 1 minimum wage job, yet my being totally broke is a rare occurence. so do I have freedom like not telling my mom where I am, or staying out till 2am just because without telling anyone and without getting in trouble? yes, but I also have loads more responsibility then her.

[sammy101]

I totally agree with you Kay.
I'm of working age but i can't get a job, simply because i'm a canadian citizen living in the U.S. If i could get a job,i would love to work. Right now my job at home is the yard. I mow it weekly and my parents give my my allowance just to do it. I help clean the house, do dishes, take care of the dogs and Jerry, and i help out with everything that i can.

[Bengalz]

Kay,

This is a very relevant topic of discussion and I think you make your point - very well. I respect and admire you, who at your age, have matured and have solid values (a tribute to your parents and the way they brought you up ).

I grew up in a modest home and both my parents worked hard to make it a good home for my brother and I. We had what we needed and earned what we wanted. The difference is to understand and respect that no one owes you anything.

I have held a job since I was old enough to work - 16. I worked my way through university and bought my own car, financed my own trip to Europe at the age of 18, etc. My husband and I reside in an affluent neighbourhood and have a beautiful home today. We have worked together for many years to acquire this. My point: we both grew up with the right values and sense of responsibility that was endowed upon us by our parents. That is the greatest gift one can give a child - a sense of self worth and capability. I think Glacier has described this extremely well in her post - thank you Tamara.

Your frustration with your peers is understandable but shouldn't cloud your own judgement in any way. If there is anything that you can do to influence them into helping themselves by setting an example, all credit to you. Just always remember you are not responsible for another's shortcomings and don't let their problems get you down. You've got the formula girl and you are doing so well. You will always be successful because you know the difference.

Keep on keeping on and go hug your Mom and Dad for helping you to be the wonderful person you are

Betty

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I personally don't know anyone who doesn't have to do anything and then complains...maybe it's a Florida thing. In Iowa, where I spent most of my life, hard work is definately valued and I've never been rich enough to KNOW anyone like that.

I think most people are saying there should be a happy medium, and I agree. My father was extremely strict and my brother and I grew up pretty unhappy living with him. I think parents need expectations for their children, but not perfection. Until my parents divorced, I grew up the OPPOSITE way and I have to say it was just as bad.

[Giselle]

Oh I know nobody said those words explicitly but many posters coupled "complain" and "kids without resonsibilities" together so I just took it from there I do get your point, though, Kay, and my second cousin is actually one of these moochers. Personally, I think it all lies with the parent. Teach them morals and thou shalt not mooch (haha). And thanks, caseysmom

Children need guidance, even when they're 18 years old and legal. They need to learn that we don't live in a give-nothing-receive-everything society. They need guidance to show them that in order to receive, you must give. And oftentimes, you'll need to give a whole lot before you receive something back. I see a lot of young toddlers who don't understand this and they grow into young adults who still can't comprehend this simple "rule".

NILIF, anybody?

[Muddy4paws]

I work full time tuesday to saturday 9 til 5 and sometimes over.

I have worked full time in 2 jobs since school, The first job I left because I basically scammed out by the boss apart from that I work for things I buy.

Im 18 live with my parents and they still do need to buy me some things occasionally, Im training to be a groomer and the wages really are no good at all so I dont pay rent or put towards my dogs medical care or food because I really cant afford to. I buy my own clothes and other things that I need but even them I need to save up weeks before to do so. I know its not expected of me but Im always here to babysit whenever all I ask is for a bit or warning as of when and even then they offer to pay me money?!

I wouldnt take money from them for doing something like that, eventhough my boyfriend thinks Im dumb not to .

[Miss Z]

It is becoming a worry that kids are becoming lazier, more arrogant, less educated and more overweight, and it is a serious issue. At 14 and not yet old enough to be on minimum wage, of course my parents still provide for me. Heck, they spend over £7000 a year on my education, never mind everything else I must sap from them. I am truly grateful for what I get from my parents.

Yes, they do buy me expensive gifts too, such as designer wear and accessories, I'll admit, and whilst I do like having these things I don't EXPECT my parents to buy that kind of stuff for me when I snap my fingers. At my school, there are some VERY rich kids who do practically nothing at home nor make a great deal of effort in lessons, but have the latest phones and iPods and everything else. All I can say is they'll have a nasty shock when they learn that money is not everlasting.

[Catlady711]

I think it all boils down to: Entitlement and Accountability.

It doesn't matter if someone's parents buy a young child a bicycle for say $50 or an older teen a car for say $12,000. Either way if the child is not taught to appreciate the gift, realize it's a gift and not ENTITLEMENT, and does not accept that they are ACCOUNTABLE for their actions of responsibility for and care of the item, whether it's a car or a bike, it's still a lack of the parents doing their jobs. Let alone the fact there is a huge difference between WANT and NEED that is frequently not recognized today. You may NEED warm clothing for winter, but having the latest fashion is a WANT.

Seems with what I see day in and day out around here, that more and more often parents are not 'raising' their children, but:

1) buying themselves some down time (ie. here go play with this and leave me alone)

2) trying way too hard to be their childs' friend (ie. I got this for you to prove how much I love you)

3) thinking they can protect their children from every bad thing/feeling in the world (ie. here's the latest play station 14 and 100 games, I don't ever want you to feel like you're not part of the 'in' crowd')


I think too many children, and their parents too, have a sense of ENTITLEMENT about everything. Think about it, that is why there's so many lawsuits over dumb stuff? People not only don't think they need to be responsible for anything, but also that somehow the world OWES them something.

It's an age old problem that just gets worse every year. And it's certainly not helping when our politicians and governments allow laws and regulations that help people not be accountable and allow them to sue for things that at one time would have been thrown out before it ever hit the courtrooms....

caution coffee may be hot
do not use hairdryer while sleeping or bathing
if someone breaks into your house and gets injured, you are liable
caution drinking alcoholic beverages can impair your ability to drive
if starbucks won't take your coupon you can sue for millions
you are not liable for your own actions
etc, etc.

As long as society, and our courts, are allowing things like this to happen, it just lends to their sense of ENTITLEMENT and those adults in turn train their children that 'this is how life works'. And with the media making such a big fuss with publicity over these things, people think that not only are they not responsible for their own actions, but if they do something stupid they can get millions and be on the front page of every newspaper in the country!

I agree that parents need to 'raise' their children, but at the same time, if adults are allowed to not be accountable then why would they train their children to do so?

[Argranade]

Remember its usualy not the childs fault if there getting what ever they want..

I belive its the parents as they have the right to stop buying them things, and to tell them to have some responsibility in the house or get a job they have a mouth its time they start using it I hate it when the kid gets blamed for things there just getting spoiled for ,also most kids take after there parents.

So if you see a kid who complains about the wrong car colour blame the parents for buying it and not giving them enough discipline or jobs (I would never complain over a new cars colour lol).

[Karen]

I do belive that, while you are still in school, that is a huge responsibility, your primary responsibility. Kay's original post was about kids she knows who have dropped out of school.

Personal responisbility is a big issue, and some people never do "get it," no matter how old they get.

[Suki Wingy]

All I can say is that where I live, you're a sad person if you do not go to college, you're incredibly unlucky if you don't get a car when you turn 16, and jobs are for buying your $15 lunches. I'm 16. I do my laundry, I take care of my own pets, I work, I pay for my hobby (riding) except weekly lessons, I'll pay gas when I get my license, and I'll most likley pay insurance if I buy my own car. I get mostly Bs and a few Cs at a nationally recognised school. I feel proud to "support" myself as best I can at my age. I'm thinking about going into Southern Illinois University at Carbondale. (Saliukis!)

[moosmom]

Blame the parents. I started working at the age of 15 as a nurse's aide at a major hospital. My parents told me that as long as I stayed in school, I didn't have to pay rent, but I was responsible for everything else (luxuries like movies when they were ALOT cheaper than they are now, clothes, entertainment, etc.). Once I graduated, I paid rent, even if it WAS only $150/month. It taught me how to survive and for that I am truly greatful. I admire my parents for bringing me up right. I have passed on their values to my daughter and am very proud of the way she turned out. I just wish today's parents would do the same instead of spoiling them rotten, giving them whatever they want just to shut them up and get their kids outta their faces.

I watch "Nanny 911" and it makes my blood boil the way kids are today. No respect for anything. My parents also taught me to respect my elders. I would never THINK of raising my voice to someone older than myself. I always called elders Mr. or Ms. and said please and thank you. Somehow, with today's kids (not call so don't go bashing me for labeling anyone) there is no such thing as respect. It's very sad.

[Cataholic]

I have to laugh at what I call, "reverse bragging". It isn't bragging about what you have, but, what you don't have, and how hard it is for you.

I grew up in a household where education was drummed into our head. Not IF we go to college, but WHERE we go to college. All 8 of us 'kids' are college educated. Doesn't mean we are **great** or anything, but, the value and import in our household was on education. So, if we were in school, and participating in ONE extra curricular event, no work for us. I didn't have much of any job until I graduated from college at 21 or 22 (how old was I? ).

I had most of my education paid for, had spending money, worked in the summers for 'fun' money, etc. I also didn't own a vehicle until I graduated. I paid for it (needed my mom to co-sign), and my expenses, except 'rent' and food, from there on.

I turned out 'responsible'. To me, it is about personal accounting. I shudder to think of being kicked out at 18, locks changed, or working two jobs, as a youthful adult. I couldn't imagine kicking Jonah out at 18, 21, or, even 25! I am his mother. It is my 'job' to raise him, to educate him, to teach him about life. I just don't find the chapter in my mommy handbook that says, "if he doesn't have it rough, he won't succeed". Thankfully, my parents didn't find it in their handbook, either.

If you are under 21, your 'job' is to educate yourself, come heck or highwater, or, spend a large part of your adulthood lamenting the fact you didn't. (not that I am saying if you are older than 21 you shouldn't educate yourself! It is just harder to go back. I should know, I was 29 when I went to lawschool- living 'rent free' with my mom, who paid for my car insurance, food, clothes, etc.)

Maybe that is what my problem is! I am a freeloader! LOL. If you can't live off of your family, who CAN you live off of?

I figure it all comes full circle....and, I won't be changing any locks to deny my mother free access to my home.