serious concerns about my daughter....

[Reachoutrescue]

I know I do not know you, but I am sorry to hear about what you found out. That is so sad. The poor girl...and poor you. I don't know what to say except get her the help she needs now before it gets worse. Do you think her friends are influencing any of this? When I was younger, "cutting" was the "in" thing. I was dumb for going along. That is why I felt I should comment to your thread. I went through it when I was 16, drove my folks crazy! They talked to my school and put me in group counsling there and then in counsling out of school too. I was angry, but I soon realized that I was hurting myself and the ones that loved me. After about two years of theorpy, I got better. She will too. Just be there for her....support her...listen to her. Let her know that is is okay to hurt, but not to hurt herself. Let her know she is your everything and you want her to be "okay". Maybe not now, but oneday she will say "Thanks Mom".

Good luck. You will be in my thoughts.

[Jadapit]

Gosh, that must have been such a shock for you to read. I'm so sorry. Your and your daughter will be in my thought and prayers. (((Hugs)))

[carole]

thanks again everyone, i have read all your replies and taken each and everyone in, i have contacted the school counsellor, and am taking it from there, she thought it was not necessary for me to tell her i had seen the folder,merely the fact i saw cuts on her upper arm last night, i was able to approach the subject ,it did of course not go down too well, she had an excuse for everything,I do think her friends have an influence on her and this emo that was mentioned just got mentioned to me by a friend, i believe this could have a bearing on it as well, she does like gothic stuff, i think one of her friends is a cutter myself, just how much is influence or a trend that i am not so sure of.

I am trying my best, to talk to her about it, but it is not achieving much, i suggested a counsellor, well she was not having a bar of that, nothing wrong with her in her opinion, she said a friend had done the stuff on her arm and it was fun, all of them did stuff like that for fun, yeah right.

I know we have a long hard road ahead of us, and i am still very concerned, even though the counsellor re-assured me, she said she was not trivilising it, but that it is very common amongst teenage girls today ,and that she would keep and eye on it, but not panic,easier said than done .

I think boys are playing a big part in her self loathe feelings too, she is getting too keen on one in particular and is feeling rejected by him i think,just reading between the lines.

Thanks for all the good luck wishes, i sure am going to need each one of them.

[Catty1]

I hope your husband joins you for a sit-down with her. Could you two meet with the counsellor at the school, and have your daughter called to the office?

As someone posted here, the reason doesn't matter - the action is serious.

hugs! You may have to drag her kicking and screaming, but she will be grateful for it.

Prayers going out to you.

[kuhio98]

You may have to drag her kicking and screaming, but she will be grateful for it.

I agree. You may have to drag her kicking and screaming. She doesn't have to like it. She doesn't have to like you. But, someday (oh, when she's about 30 or so ), she'll thank you. She'll realize that you stopped her from heading down a very unhappy road.

[MajesticCollies]

Its your right to snoop and since you did go get help for her immediately. As a parent you don't want to think this will fix itself. We will pray for you here at Majestic Collies.

[Corinna]

As a parent of adult kids I can only imagine the shock you had. My kids never did that so i can offer nothing but prayers for you and your family.

[cali]

ok my friend is around your daughters age, she said that she used to do the same thing, she suggested taking your daughter out shopping, she said to set a certain amount of money aside for her and tell her she can pick out whatever she likes, and no matter what tell her she looks good, take an interest in her music and her styles etc.. build up her confidence and make her feel good, my friend said that was you build up her confidance and make her feel good about herself, if she asks a question dont lie be as open as possable, she said that when your daughters conifidence in you is built up and she has a really good relationship with you she will open up to you sooner or later, the key is to make her feel wanted, and dont be pushy, let her come to you, dont push her or she will clam up. my friend said that when her dad started taking a close interest in her life and made her confortable around him, she opened up to him and she no longer cuts herself.

[carole]

Thanks Cali i have taken all those points into consideration, i do take an interest in Melissa's life, but you know sometimes we all slip a little, maybe i need to make a more conscious effort to do just that, thanks for the tips, I am more than happy to go shopping with her, but she does not really want to go anymore with mum, mainly her friends, something that i really miss too, she has some birthday money to spend, so that would be a good opportunity for us to go out together and do some retail therapy.

I really do hope it is just a phase as simple as that, but i do realise it is not something i can accept as just that, and need to take action regardless of the reason behind it all.

She does have an unhealthy obession with the darker side of things, IMO, i have always worried about that, and it only surfaced in the last year or so, before that she was more interested in volunteering with cats etc, i think i also need to get her more involved in recreation, like sports and the like again, we had decided to have a year off, but i know think this may have been a serious mistake.