serious concerns about my daughter....

[Iilo]

Hi Carole,

As a recovering cutter, I'm sorry to hear that you found this out about your daughter. Depending on how long she's been doing it and how addicted she is (this has a lot to do with how predisposed to addiction she is), you both may have a long hard road ahead of you.

I considered being a cutter, but never did it, because I didn't want to get addicted to self-inflicting pain on myself.

I'm glad you didn't start cutting, Bri... But I'm disturbed by your sentiments about it. Cutting isn't something you "consider" -- or rather, it shouldn't be. With the help of the internet and the new trend of "emo," self-harm has almost become a hobby rather than an affliction.

I am so sorry Carole, unfortunately it is almost "cool" for the kids to cut themselves it seems so it is hard to tell who is saying that to be cool and who is in serious danger.

It's true that in some circles, cutting is a trend. However, *anyone* who does it, and a lot of people who simply think about doing it IMHO, should get counseling, no matter WHAT their reasons. Children who are willing to inflict pain on themselves because it is cool definitely have some issues that need to be sorted out through therapy.

Telling her

you know and do not approve

Might not be the best idea. I would definitely approach her and talk to her about it -- but "do not approve" is not a sentiment I would express to someone in that fragile state. Support, support, support.

http://www.psyke.org/ is one of my favorite sites for coping. I'd give her that link as soon as you open up lines of conversation. Until she has decided that she wants to quit (which may take a while, I still question myself if it was the right decision or not), you cannot FORCE her to. Taking away sharp objects just made ME want to cut more -- if she's seriously addicted, she will find some way. Again, SUPPORT is key rather than trying to prevent and physically hoard away from her anything you think she could harm herself with (ANYTHING can be a self-harming tool).

http://www.selfinjury.org/indexnet.html this is a very good link that will provide you with lots of information and will dispell many myths about SI.

I can't stress enough how important it is for her to see a therapist. Try very hard to bring her into the selection of one -- if you don't have to drag her kicking and screaming to one, that is. The most important therapist choice issue, IMO, is gender -- would she prefer to talk to a man or a woman. Try and find someone with a background in SI or Borderline Personality Disorder (a disorder commonly associated with SI).

Good luck, Carole. She's lucky to have a mom like you. You'll both get through this fine.

[trayi52]

Carole, I don't know what to say except that I am sorry to hear this. I am a parent, and never had this problem, thank god. You and your precious daughter will be in my prayers along with sending you lots of good thoughts.

Willie

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Wow. I have no idea where to even start.

I'm a cutter, I'll just come out and admit that. I posted about it in the "Tell us something about you" thread also. No, I don't do it for attention. No, I'm not POSTING this for attention, I'm merely trying to help, from Melissa's point-of-view, in a sense.

I agree with Iilo. Cutting HAS become a trend, and you don't really "condsider" becoming one. There's no way to explain why... why a person cuts. It feels right at the time, and I wish I had never listened to my head the first time I did it, because it has become an addiction for me.

Carole, Melissa will be angry when she finds out that you found her folder, as anyone would be. I think everyone is right. Counseling is probably your best option. I have no idea how to go about bringing the topic up to her though. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Please IM me on Yahoo, okay?

Lots of hugs and love.