carole ~ I'm so sorry. I've never had children either, but I think counseling is necessary. This is bigger than the both of you and needs a 3rd party with knowledge and experience about the subject. Please don't take it personally that she didn't confide in you. This is about her. Her needing to hide how she really feels about herself. She probably didn't want to worry you so she kept it to herself. That's what kids do. And I don't know if "confront" is the right word. Just show your love and concern for her and tell (not ask) her that you guys are going for counseling. The therapist might want to see you both sometimes and then individually. If she feels confortable with the therapist, she will tell them everything that she's been holding in. You might call the counselors at her school (you don't have to give your name if you are worried they will "label" your daughter) and tell them why you are looking for a therapist and see if they have any recommendations. You may find that this is much wider spread than you realized and they may have dealt with it before.

Fingers and paws crossed that with help, she will slowly and surely come to love herself. Thank goodness you found out before it got worse.