serious concerns about my daughter....

[GreyhoundGirl]

I just found out: %72 of females ( all ages ) are the RIGHT weight, 59 % of them considered themselves "fat".

It is so sad the # of teens that consider and even attempt suicide. ( so sad I won't even post it. )

Once again, I am so sorry this is happening to you.

[kuhio98]

carole ~ I'm so sorry. I've never had children either, but I think counseling is necessary. This is bigger than the both of you and needs a 3rd party with knowledge and experience about the subject. Please don't take it personally that she didn't confide in you. This is about her. Her needing to hide how she really feels about herself. She probably didn't want to worry you so she kept it to herself. That's what kids do. And I don't know if "confront" is the right word. Just show your love and concern for her and tell (not ask) her that you guys are going for counseling. The therapist might want to see you both sometimes and then individually. If she feels confortable with the therapist, she will tell them everything that she's been holding in. You might call the counselors at her school (you don't have to give your name if you are worried they will "label" your daughter) and tell them why you are looking for a therapist and see if they have any recommendations. You may find that this is much wider spread than you realized and they may have dealt with it before.

Fingers and paws crossed that with help, she will slowly and surely come to love herself. Thank goodness you found out before it got worse.

[CathyBogart]

My best friend in high school was a cutter, and I think she would have been better off if she had had a mom like you, Carole. Her mom was so freaked out by it that she had my friend institutionalized for months! When she came out of that she was so much worse off. Knowing her as well as I did, I think that if her mom had sat down and talked to her about it and then sent her to rpivate counseling, and possibly counseling for both of them, things could have improved instead of going downhill.

Good thoughts for the times to come, I'm sure you'll do the right thing, whatever that is, but it won't be easy.

[catnapper]

Oh Carol, what a truly surprising thing to find. I don't know what to suggest since I've never had those feelings myself nor did my girls (that I know of). I do hope you are able to talk to her and get her to open up. Know we're here if you need ot talk!

[caseysmom]

I am so sorry Carole, unfortunately it is almost "cool" for the kids to cut themselves it seems so it is hard to tell who is saying that to be cool and who is in serious danger. Being a teen is a hard confusing time, your daughter has always reminded my of my youngest who is the easy one for me so I am pretty surprised.

I would set up an appt for some family counseling, it will surely help all of you to at least open the lines of communication.

[Soapets]

I am so sorry to read this news. Start praying immediately that God will keep a protective shield around her, and that He will put the right people in her path, every step of the way, to guide her in the direction He wants her life to go.

Next, I think it is very important that you let her know that you are concerned about her, and that you love her. Let her know you want to be there for her and won't be judgemental. Tell her that you want to help her find someone neutral she can talk to, i.e. a counselor. Also tell her that these kinds of thoughts and feelings are oftentimes associated with a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be helped with medication. Let her know there is help for her, and that if she's afraid, deep down inside, that it is natural to be afraid when these kinds of thoughts and feelings come and seemingly can't be controlled (even if she doesn't want to admit it).

Make an appointment with her doctor and ask her doctor for a referral to a counselor. She may also benefit greatly from antidepressant medication. I should have been on antidepressant medication starting when I was about 10 years old, looking back, but didn't get on them until I was 29. The difference they made was amazing. But counseling is very important, also.

I would also like to suggest the book "The Power of a Praying Parent" by Stormie Omartian. There is a workbook to go along with it. It will help YOU, because it will guide you in helping your daughter, through prayer, whether or not she is aware of it and/or wants it.

I hope this helps some. In the meantime, I will keep both you and your daughter in my prayers.

Deb

[Laura's Babies]

You need to get her help ASAP! The key is in getting them help as soon as you find out. Waiting could cost you her life.

You should, without alarm, let her know that you know and do not approve and would like her to stop because YOU LOVE HER and that she needs help and you will get her that help... She does NOT need to know HOW you found out, you may need that source again so keep that to yourself.

[cali]

ok my friend is around your daughters age, she said that she used to do the same thing, she suggested taking your daughter out shopping, she said to set a certain amount of money aside for her and tell her she can pick out whatever she likes, and no matter what tell her she looks good, take an interest in her music and her styles etc.. build up her confidence and make her feel good, my friend said that was you build up her confidance and make her feel good about herself, if she asks a question dont lie be as open as possable, she said that when your daughters conifidence in you is built up and she has a really good relationship with you she will open up to you sooner or later, the key is to make her feel wanted, and dont be pushy, let her come to you, dont push her or she will clam up. my friend said that when her dad started taking a close interest in her life and made her confortable around him, she opened up to him and she no longer cuts herself.

[carole]

Thanks Cali i have taken all those points into consideration, i do take an interest in Melissa's life, but you know sometimes we all slip a little, maybe i need to make a more conscious effort to do just that, thanks for the tips, I am more than happy to go shopping with her, but she does not really want to go anymore with mum, mainly her friends, something that i really miss too, she has some birthday money to spend, so that would be a good opportunity for us to go out together and do some retail therapy.

I really do hope it is just a phase as simple as that, but i do realise it is not something i can accept as just that, and need to take action regardless of the reason behind it all.

She does have an unhealthy obession with the darker side of things, IMO, i have always worried about that, and it only surfaced in the last year or so, before that she was more interested in volunteering with cats etc, i think i also need to get her more involved in recreation, like sports and the like again, we had decided to have a year off, but i know think this may have been a serious mistake.