serious concerns about my daughter....

[dukedogsmom]

Unfortunately, it's very common amongst teens and I just don't understand why. I'm sorry you had to find out but glad also. You can help her now where before, you had no clue. She probably will hate you but later on, she'll thank you.

[GreyhoundGirl]

Oh, I am so sorry. ((( HUGS ))) I agree with counceling. I was just wondering.... Is she overwieght? ( No offence ) I don't really have much experience with this kind of thing. If she isn't overwieght ( as many people who are belive they are ) you could try showing her this: http://www.wral.com/health/4575356/detail.html click calculate your childs BMI.

Good thoughts your way.

[Reachoutrescue]

I know I do not know you, but I am sorry to hear about what you found out. That is so sad. The poor girl...and poor you. I don't know what to say except get her the help she needs now before it gets worse. Do you think her friends are influencing any of this? When I was younger, "cutting" was the "in" thing. I was dumb for going along. That is why I felt I should comment to your thread. I went through it when I was 16, drove my folks crazy! They talked to my school and put me in group counsling there and then in counsling out of school too. I was angry, but I soon realized that I was hurting myself and the ones that loved me. After about two years of theorpy, I got better. She will too. Just be there for her....support her...listen to her. Let her know that is is okay to hurt, but not to hurt herself. Let her know she is your everything and you want her to be "okay". Maybe not now, but oneday she will say "Thanks Mom".

Good luck. You will be in my thoughts.

[Jadapit]

Gosh, that must have been such a shock for you to read. I'm so sorry. Your and your daughter will be in my thought and prayers. (((Hugs)))

[carole]

thanks again everyone, i have read all your replies and taken each and everyone in, i have contacted the school counsellor, and am taking it from there, she thought it was not necessary for me to tell her i had seen the folder,merely the fact i saw cuts on her upper arm last night, i was able to approach the subject ,it did of course not go down too well, she had an excuse for everything,I do think her friends have an influence on her and this emo that was mentioned just got mentioned to me by a friend, i believe this could have a bearing on it as well, she does like gothic stuff, i think one of her friends is a cutter myself, just how much is influence or a trend that i am not so sure of.

I am trying my best, to talk to her about it, but it is not achieving much, i suggested a counsellor, well she was not having a bar of that, nothing wrong with her in her opinion, she said a friend had done the stuff on her arm and it was fun, all of them did stuff like that for fun, yeah right.

I know we have a long hard road ahead of us, and i am still very concerned, even though the counsellor re-assured me, she said she was not trivilising it, but that it is very common amongst teenage girls today ,and that she would keep and eye on it, but not panic,easier said than done .

I think boys are playing a big part in her self loathe feelings too, she is getting too keen on one in particular and is feeling rejected by him i think,just reading between the lines.

Thanks for all the good luck wishes, i sure am going to need each one of them.

[Catty1]

I hope your husband joins you for a sit-down with her. Could you two meet with the counsellor at the school, and have your daughter called to the office?

As someone posted here, the reason doesn't matter - the action is serious.

hugs! You may have to drag her kicking and screaming, but she will be grateful for it.

Prayers going out to you.

[kuhio98]

You may have to drag her kicking and screaming, but she will be grateful for it.

I agree. You may have to drag her kicking and screaming. She doesn't have to like it. She doesn't have to like you. But, someday (oh, when she's about 30 or so ), she'll thank you. She'll realize that you stopped her from heading down a very unhappy road.

[luvofallhorses]

I am so, so sorry, Carole. (((hugs))) you and your daughter will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[GreyhoundGirl]

I just found out: %72 of females ( all ages ) are the RIGHT weight, 59 % of them considered themselves "fat".

It is so sad the # of teens that consider and even attempt suicide. ( so sad I won't even post it. )

Once again, I am so sorry this is happening to you.

[kuhio98]

carole ~ I'm so sorry. I've never had children either, but I think counseling is necessary. This is bigger than the both of you and needs a 3rd party with knowledge and experience about the subject. Please don't take it personally that she didn't confide in you. This is about her. Her needing to hide how she really feels about herself. She probably didn't want to worry you so she kept it to herself. That's what kids do. And I don't know if "confront" is the right word. Just show your love and concern for her and tell (not ask) her that you guys are going for counseling. The therapist might want to see you both sometimes and then individually. If she feels confortable with the therapist, she will tell them everything that she's been holding in. You might call the counselors at her school (you don't have to give your name if you are worried they will "label" your daughter) and tell them why you are looking for a therapist and see if they have any recommendations. You may find that this is much wider spread than you realized and they may have dealt with it before.

Fingers and paws crossed that with help, she will slowly and surely come to love herself. Thank goodness you found out before it got worse.

[CathyBogart]

My best friend in high school was a cutter, and I think she would have been better off if she had had a mom like you, Carole. Her mom was so freaked out by it that she had my friend institutionalized for months! When she came out of that she was so much worse off. Knowing her as well as I did, I think that if her mom had sat down and talked to her about it and then sent her to rpivate counseling, and possibly counseling for both of them, things could have improved instead of going downhill.

Good thoughts for the times to come, I'm sure you'll do the right thing, whatever that is, but it won't be easy.

[catnapper]

Oh Carol, what a truly surprising thing to find. I don't know what to suggest since I've never had those feelings myself nor did my girls (that I know of). I do hope you are able to talk to her and get her to open up. Know we're here if you need ot talk!

[caseysmom]

I am so sorry Carole, unfortunately it is almost "cool" for the kids to cut themselves it seems so it is hard to tell who is saying that to be cool and who is in serious danger. Being a teen is a hard confusing time, your daughter has always reminded my of my youngest who is the easy one for me so I am pretty surprised.

I would set up an appt for some family counseling, it will surely help all of you to at least open the lines of communication.

[Laura's Babies]

You need to get her help ASAP! The key is in getting them help as soon as you find out. Waiting could cost you her life.

You should, without alarm, let her know that you know and do not approve and would like her to stop because YOU LOVE HER and that she needs help and you will get her that help... She does NOT need to know HOW you found out, you may need that source again so keep that to yourself.

[cali]

ok my friend is around your daughters age, she said that she used to do the same thing, she suggested taking your daughter out shopping, she said to set a certain amount of money aside for her and tell her she can pick out whatever she likes, and no matter what tell her she looks good, take an interest in her music and her styles etc.. build up her confidence and make her feel good, my friend said that was you build up her confidance and make her feel good about herself, if she asks a question dont lie be as open as possable, she said that when your daughters conifidence in you is built up and she has a really good relationship with you she will open up to you sooner or later, the key is to make her feel wanted, and dont be pushy, let her come to you, dont push her or she will clam up. my friend said that when her dad started taking a close interest in her life and made her confortable around him, she opened up to him and she no longer cuts herself.