serious concerns about my daughter....

**Catty1** · 08-20-2006, 06:49 PM

OMG. Well, you and your husband would have to go to counselling along with her...some maybe there might be some simple ways to get the communication happening better.

And "privacy" is a bit different when it's a 14 year old and her parents...if she was 30, then that's perhaps another thing.

You may want to set up an appt with your family Dr for all three of you, and do sort of an 'intervention'.

Hopefully that site will have some good info on it!

HUGS and PRAYERS

**sirrahved** · 08-20-2006, 06:56 PM

I was a cutter. I've posted about it before on PT. Back then, regardless of what I said, I would have loved to been in counseling.

I actually progressed to attempting suicide. Seriously... I'd say put her into counseling. Don't give her a choice, because she'll probably say no, and I hate you, and I can't believe you looked at MY PRIVATE PROPERTY... you'll still probably get all of this by ordering her into counseling (fair warning) but she will be getting HELP.

I'll be praying for you and your family!

**dukedogsmom** · 08-20-2006, 07:12 PM

Unfortunately, it's very common amongst teens and I just don't understand why. I'm sorry you had to find out but glad also. You can help her now where before, you had no clue. She probably will hate you but later on, she'll thank you.

**GreyhoundGirl** · 08-20-2006, 07:27 PM

Oh, I am so sorry.

((( HUGS ))) I agree with counceling. I was just wondering.... Is she overwieght? ( No offence ) I don't really have much experience with this kind of thing. If she isn't overwieght ( as many people who are belive they are ) you could try showing her this: http://www.wral.com/health/4575356/detail.html click calculate your childs BMI.

Good thoughts your way.

**Reachoutrescue** · 08-21-2006, 03:09 AM

I know I do not know you, but I am sorry to hear about what you found out. That is so sad. The poor girl...and poor you. I don't know what to say except get her the help she needs now before it gets worse. Do you think her friends are influencing any of this? When I was younger, "cutting" was the "in" thing. I was dumb for going along. That is why I felt I should comment to your thread. I went through it when I was 16, drove my folks crazy! They talked to my school and put me in group counsling there and then in counsling out of school too. I was angry, but I soon realized that I was hurting myself and the ones that loved me. After about two years of theorpy, I got better. She will too. Just be there for her....support her...listen to her. Let her know that is is okay to hurt, but not to hurt herself. Let her know she is your everything and you want her to be "okay". Maybe not now, but oneday she will say "Thanks Mom".

Good luck. You will be in my thoughts.

**Jadapit** · 08-21-2006, 11:24 AM

Gosh, that must have been such a shock for you to read.

I'm so sorry. Your and your daughter will be in my thought and prayers. (((Hugs)))

**carole** · 08-21-2006, 06:52 PM

thanks again everyone, i have read all your replies and taken each and everyone in, i have contacted the school counsellor, and am taking it from there, she thought it was not necessary for me to tell her i had seen the folder,merely the fact i saw cuts on her upper arm last night, i was able to approach the subject ,it did of course not go down too well, she had an excuse for everything,I do think her friends have an influence on her and this emo that was mentioned just got mentioned to me by a friend, i believe this could have a bearing on it as well, she does like gothic stuff, i think one of her friends is a cutter myself, just how much is influence or a trend that i am not so sure of.

I am trying my best, to talk to her about it, but it is not achieving much, i suggested a counsellor, well she was not having a bar of that, nothing wrong with her in her opinion, she said a friend had done the stuff on her arm and it was fun, all of them did stuff like that for fun, yeah right.

I know we have a long hard road ahead of us, and i am still very concerned, even though the counsellor re-assured me, she said she was not trivilising it, but that it is very common amongst teenage girls today ,and that she would keep and eye on it, but not panic,easier said than done .

I think boys are playing a big part in her self loathe feelings too, she is getting too keen on one in particular and is feeling rejected by him i think,just reading between the lines.

Thanks for all the good luck wishes, i sure am going to need each one of them.

**luvofallhorses** · 08-20-2006, 07:28 PM

I am so, so sorry, Carole.

(((hugs))) you and your daughter will be in my thoughts and prayers.

**GreyhoundGirl** · 08-20-2006, 07:36 PM

I just found out: %72 of females ( all ages ) are the RIGHT weight, 59 % of them considered themselves "fat".

It is so sad the # of teens that consider and even attempt suicide. ( so sad I won't even post it.

)

Once again, I am so sorry this is happening to you.

**kuhio98** · 08-20-2006, 07:54 PM

carole ~ I'm so sorry. I've never had children either, but I think counseling is necessary. This is bigger than the both of you and needs a 3rd party with knowledge and experience about the subject. Please don't take it personally that she didn't confide in you. This is about her. Her needing to hide how she really feels about herself. She probably didn't want to worry you so she kept it to herself. That's what kids do. And I don't know if "confront" is the right word. Just show your love and concern for her and tell (not ask) her that you guys are going for counseling. The therapist might want to see you both sometimes and then individually. If she feels confortable with the therapist, she will tell them everything that she's been holding in. You might call the counselors at her school (you don't have to give your name if you are worried they will "label" your daughter) and tell them why you are looking for a therapist and see if they have any recommendations. You may find that this is much wider spread than you realized and they may have dealt with it before.

Fingers and paws crossed that with help, she will slowly and surely come to love herself. Thank goodness you found out before it got worse.

**CathyBogart** · 08-20-2006, 08:17 PM

My best friend in high school was a cutter, and I think she would have been better off if she had had a mom like you, Carole. Her mom was so freaked out by it that she had my friend institutionalized for months! When she came out of that she was so much worse off. Knowing her as well as I did, I think that if her mom had sat down and talked to her about it and then sent her to rpivate counseling, and possibly counseling for both of them, things could have improved instead of going downhill.

Good thoughts for the times to come, I'm sure you'll do the right thing, whatever that is, but it won't be easy.

**Toby's my baby** · 08-20-2006, 07:52 PM

I am so sorry.

I agree with everything previously suggested. I was pretty sad this last year, not depressed, but I sure felt like it. I too, messaged a stranger on the internet, a man, about 4 years older than me. I told him EVERYTHING, he always listened to me, and gave me advice. Though I haven't talked to him in real life, only through messages, I feel that he probably saved my life. He was a huge help to me, and always helped me hold my head up a little higher.

Last year, I had boy trouble too, a relationship of mine was broken up after a year and three months, I didn't see it comming at all, and I was devastated. Soon after, I started dating a guy 2 years older than me, I thought he was great, but everyone EVERYONE, was mad at me, and I lost all my friends. I realized who my true friends were at that moment in time.

Right now, I am the happiest I have ever been. I'm starting over, a new school, new friends, and even a new boyfriend. I'm so happy. Maybe something new in your daughters life will help?

I still find it terribly hard to talk to my mom, even though she says that I can talk to her about anything, and she won't get upset. Taking things from the friend side, and not a motherly side is a great way. My mom still to this day doesn't know anything about me. I never tell her if I get a new boyfriend, or if a boyfriend breaks up with me. She never has known about me being "depressed". To tell you the truth, I actually WANTED professional help. I ended up having an anxiety attack last Febuary, which was very very scary. A few days after the attack, my dad brought me to the doctor because I was haveing trouble breathing. The doc suggested getting me professional help, because he thought I was stressed out or depressed. My dad refused to take me to a doctor, because he didn't want to think that there was anything wrong.

Your daughter is going to be FURIOUS with you, I'd expect the worst. I don't want to lie to you, I would be too, being a teenager and all. Just tell her that you are only trying to do what is best for her, and that you are sorry you didn't already know about all this. DO NOT get mad at her, at all, listen to her, she will talk when she is ready. Whatever you do, don't tell her you know what she is going through, that is probably the worst things to say, because truthfully, no parent does. The world us teens are growing up in now, is so different than what you grew up in, it moves at 100 miles an hour.

I would suggest reading a book, you don't have to read it before you talk to her, just read it starting as soon as possible. In my opinion, it is the best book I've ever read. Being a teenager, I think it hits a bullseye on everything we go through in todays world, I'm going to have my mom read it when I am done. It is called: Reviving Ophelia - Saving The Selves of Adolescent Girls by Mary Pipher, Ph.D.