Why couldn't I just...

[K9soul]

Gayle, that's awful. Honestly I think what you need to do now is what is best for YOU, and from what you are saying this relationship does NOT sound like something that is good for you (or for anyone). You do NOT need to be treated that way. He really doesn't seem interested in putting any effort into this the way you have been . At the same time I know how difficult it is to think about "what next?" I feel particularly touched by all of this because I am going through the "death" of my marriage now... there are no easy answers, but I feel so much for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of YOU and do what you feel is best for yourself right now. You have really tried your hardest in all of this and it's not going to get anywhere without him working at it too.

[carole]

Gayle hon i think it is time to put yourself first and really ask yourself why you want to hang on to this relationship so much, I can only go by what you are telling us and your last post really worried me, the fact you are letting him take you and the kids in the car when he has been drinking, please don't let him to that to you, you are worth way more than that,he has no right to risk your life and others period.

If he is not prepared to take any responsibility for his part in this relationship folding then you are beating your head against a brick wall,until then honestly from what you say you are better off without him, but then that is easy for me to say, I am not you or in your shoes, i just want you to know that i really do feel for you and the situation you are in,only you can make the decision where to go from here, I wish you all the best and the courage you need to make the right decision for you.,but truthfully Gayle if any man spat in my face he would have been long gone, no-one has the right to abuse you that way.

Take care Hon and again all the best .

[Catty1]

The ANGRY stage! GOOD!

When you realize what crap you have been accepting and agreeing with...and the anger gives you energy to do the RIGHT thing.

You know what that is.

You'll leave - and years later, they'll still have the same problems. Because they have not tried to change...and YOU have.

You're the winner here, Gayle - I know it doesn't feel like it right now.

As some wise person said: "Time wounds all heels."

You go girl!

Catty1

[catnapper]

Gosh, I am so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine having it all dumped on my sholders. There's NO WAY its all your fault. It takes two to make a marriage and two to make the battles within it.

Once I was with a guy who made me feel like everything was my fault. I cried every night on my way home from his house. I stopped at Dunkin Donuts and ate half a dozen donuts alone in the car during my ride home (crying and creme powdered donuts make curious companions on the road). Oh yeah, that was one happy relationship I was desperate to get out but couldn't bring myself to admit I made a mistake and chose the wrong man. The day he finally ended it, I cried.... tears of relief. I was free. It was amazing. I knew I was released to find the right guy who would treat me right and love me the way I was meant to be loved. Like Gini, 6 months later he came back for me. I told him that he didn't want me then, why shold he think he wants me now? Boy was that empowering!

If your marriage is over, then let it die and be free to find happiness on your own. If its not over, then fight for something you truly believe in and find a way to make it work.

I tell you, honestly, if I knew step parenting was going to be this hard I'd have run before the first date. Nobody has a clue as to how hard it is to be a step parent until they've been there. Its not just you and your spouse in the relationship... its you, the kids, and the ex. Its hard enough to keep a marriage going with just two people working together, but it gets even trickier with others stepping in. (((HUGS)))