Looks as if Alexander flies to Az .We LOST.I think? Not as bad news as first thought!

[DrKym]

Candace both good questions, truth is we don't know if he will be questioned per se I am sure the Judge will ask a few questions in reference to how he likes it here, how he likes his brother etc. as to the videotaping I have no Idea but thanks for the Question I will ask Gary when I speak with him tomorrow. We are trying to figure out how to tell Alex that he is flying back, without telling him everything, we need to prepare him for the Judge but I don't want him scared either (no matter how awful she is I am sure he still loves his Mum) so we cannot say oh it is so you never get to see her again(which it will be as the next step in this my adoption of him severing her parental rights as she refuses to get help or acknowledge she has a problem)

[Dorothy39]

OK, Say Dorothy39

[Catty1]

Gary might have the best advice on what to tell Alex, or how.

as she refuses to get help or acknowledge she has a problem)

Just off the top of my head...which isn't always good! - something along these lines might work: "Your mommy loves you very much, but right now she is very sick. When she gets better, then that's a good time to visit. The judge knows the doctors who will make her better - so let's hope she goes to see her doctors, okay?"

Clumsy, but maybe you get the idea?

And if he DOES get to write her, he can say 'when are you going to the doctors so I can see you?' (okay, evil of me! )

hugs

[Dorothy39]

Gary might have the best advice on what to tell Alex, or how.

Just off the top of my head...which isn't always good! - something along these lines might work: "Your mommy loves you very much, but right now she is very sick. When she gets better, then that's a good time to visit. The judge knows the doctors who will make her better - so let's hope she goes to see her doctors, okay?"

Clumsy, but maybe you get the idea?

hugs

Yep!!

[DrKym]

No I get the idea and that part is pretty well covered. The part we are having trouble with is telling him he has to fly back, he is terrified of leaving here and he told that to DCFS and his Dr. . All he kept saying was "if I am a good boy and get my shots and I get to stay with Daddy and Mere again right?" So breaking the flying thing is touchy, since there are no guarantees just hope and prayer that it is so he will get to stay again forever and ever as he says, we cannot tell him that is the way it will go (can you imagine what that would do to him if Hell took over and we lose?) I know it is rambling but I am trying to make sense honest.

[Dorothy39]

I see .


he is 6 years old, I do understand his thinking.


I gather that the Judge will have a one on one with Alex, at least, I feel that is how this observation will pan out( typing too fast)

How then, to help him to understand . I will ponder this for a moment.

[Dorothy39]

I think the major obstacle here is "explaining " to Alex that he will be leaving with his Father and will be talking to a nice judge. (keep back spacing) (his fear of flying)

These custody situations are testy, to say the least. But, I strongly feel that there is an absolute guarentee here. However, you do have a point in that handling "his" awareness of what is taking place, is, quite difficult.

[Jadapit]

All he kept saying was "if I am a good boy and get my shots and I get to stay with Daddy and Mere again right?"

Omg, that is heartbreaking. I feel like crying. What adults do to their own children is so sad. In a perfect world his mom would be the bigger person and leave her son where he is happy. Gosh, I really cant imagine how tough this is on you all.

[DrKym]

The absolute kicker to this Jadapit was before we moved she wanted us to take him as long as we would still send the child support (1100.00) I told her to meet me at the courthouse and we would get papers drawn up. She refused to put it on paper because that would have made it so she couldn't keep control over her ex. See it isn't about Alex for her it is about the money. Az is not an alimony state,her only way of getting cash is by child support. The fact that she has stated in court she never wanted kids she had Alex to "shut Jasper up about kids" didn't strike up alarm bells to the Judge I will never understand.

[Catty1]

Wow...yes how to word it. Wow. I am trying to think back to being six.

hmm....Daddy and Grandma are flying back for a couple of days to tell the judge that you are staying with Daddy and Mere. Can you help them?

Well, there is a really nice man there. He is a judge. And Daddy can tell him things, and so can Grandma - but the most important person to talk to the nice judge is YOU. That way you can tell him yourself what you want, cause you are the most important person here.


Am trying to think of a way to convey to Alex that he is IMPORTANT and HELPFUL here...to empower him a bit so he doesn't feel like a victim. Which poor lad can't help it.

Again, clumsy wording - but I would hope that might trigger a few ideas?

HUGS