Why couldn't I just...

[Queen of Poop]

No you aren't - you have all of us - who care and will respond when you need us.

I know that this is a very difficult time for you - and my heart goes out to you.

Thank you. Thank you so very, very much.

[K9soul]

My situation is really different in some ways.. but I am going through the death of my relationship with my husband, the man whom for 11 years I have felt was my soulmate. The pain is indescribable, excruciating, harder than anything I've gone through in my life. So I do feel I know a measure of the pain in your heart, the fear, insecurity, and devastation. If you need to talk, I'm only a PM away. You are in my thoughts, and in my prayers. Please hold onto the fact that you are a very special person, a worthy person, and deserving of the same kind of love you feel for your husband. You have us here at PT, and are not alone. Never forget that.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

REMEMBER: THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN BEING ALONE!!!

I've never been married but I've had a couple of near misses!!! Each time my engagements ended, I thought my life had too! Then I started remembering how they treated me or mistreated me and I realized if I never have another man in my life that treats me that way, I'll die a happy women!!!

I do NOT need someone in my life who constantly critizes me!
I do NOT need someone in my life who thinks they are better than me!
I do NOT need someone in my life who demands their own way all the time!
I do NOT need someone in my life who constantly puts others before me!
I WILL NOT have anyone in my life who abuses me or makes me feel less of myself than I am.

I had a friend whose father told her that "you are not better than anyone else on the planet but you are sure AS GOOD as they are!"

I tend to believe that now.

Heck, your husband should be grateful he has you! I'd have drop kicked him to the curb a long time ago!

By the way, both of the guys came back and wanted me to take them back; they got the door slammed in their faces !!!

[Catty1]

Here's a board I have posted on(the only other board I HAVE ever posted on). It is breakup support, and has good people on it...or I wouldn't have stayed there for two years.

Please check it out; like here, it is free, but you have to register. Or just post as a guest.

www.breakingup.net

Catty1

[gini]

Just dropped by this thread to check up on you today.

Even though in numbers we don't have that many women (under 10,000 isn't a huge number), but we sure do have a wide range of experiences that we are willing to share in order to help you.

I have been divorced now for a number of years and I cannot begin to tell you how special it is to be who I am - not what someone else wants me to be for them.

A dear male friend (who also was my ex's best friend) told me that my ex was one of the most selfish people he had ever known. Boy, does that ever stop you in your tracks. I thought about that long and hard - and realized that he was right. Just that one sentence helped me more than I could begin to tell you.

[Queen of Poop]

I'm at work today. Haven't had any crying fits, yet. Typed up the events of the fight and then what followed and sent it to my counselor. She can't see me for a while but I figured I'd better get her up to speed while it's all fresh in my mind. Also sent a copy to hubby, which he promptly dissed as crap, it just served to make him more angry. While I still love him very much, I spent some time this morning going over my last 3 years worth of calendars, as I track the fighting/drinking episodes. Way too many for the good of any relationship. I don't know which way to turn. He is supposed to be finding us a family counselor as per his conditions. Perhaps this can help us become one again, or allow me to finally see the light and end it. At this point I don't know what I want.

[Vela]

I don't like to offer advice in situations like this, but I honestly don't see counseling as any sort of help. He seems abusive emotionally, rude, and inconsiderate, and unless he is going to do a 180 in his attitude, I don't see a lot for your future with him. I feel really bad saying anything like that but just from what you have said that is how it appears. I wish you the best of luck, I'm sure it's very difficult, but you need to think about you too, not him. He obvoiusly isn't thinking about you and yoru feelings in this at all, so try to take care of yourself the best you can.

[carole]

Gayle i am so happy to hear you chose to have counselling by yourself for yourself, even though you think it is futile because the family is not involved ,from what i read and hear it is not, working on yourself can indeed change things, it only takes one person to make changes not necessarily two, i never believed that but there is really a ring of truth to it all, but i guess it depends on who you are dealing with, it is something Dr Phil swears by,when you make changes, others follow suit, they can't help but do so.

I still think that getting everyone involved would be a good move all the same, I don't mean to pry but is your husband demanding a separation because of problems with his children only,? and believe me they can cause many even if they are your own flesh and blood, there is usually more to it than that, lack of communication is often one of the biggest problems between people.

I have no experience of step children, infact i have been on the other side, i met and married my husband with a child already, and yes there were problems at times, i found myself always being very defensive over my son, which is probably what your hubby is doing, it is hard on both step-parent and natural parent,i can see it from both sides, even to this day and my son is all grown up and legally adopted at ten by my husband, i defend him or take things the wrong way, feel like hubby is getting at him,and favouring our daughter, one has to be careful not to ruin one's relationship over children, but it is so easily done.

I am very sad to hear how heavy your heart is right now and that you are suffering, i do hope things work out and hubby will put things into perspective a little, maybe you could even mention what i wrote above as i understand his position somewhat, but i also understand your's too.

Take care and keep up the counselling, you might find that this is the breaking point of your relationship with your husband, and even though at first it is not what you wanted, you might come round to thinking that it is for the best and what you do want, it sounds as though things have been a bit tough all round,whatever you decide to do I wish you all the best and hope you can find peace and happiness. HUGS.