Sara: I am really sorry that you are having such a difficult time. Give the meds a chance. I can hardly believe that your doc would put you on a med for depression that would make you suicidial though. Seems to defeat the purpose . . . that just confuses me. Looks like an "anti-depressant" would do the trick . . . what did they put you on? Anyway, I really wish I could help more . . . I feel helpless. You know how to get in touch with me if you need me. Hang in there hon!