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Thread: Thursday 163- Let's celebrate warm weather!

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  1. 06-08-2006, 11:28 AM #1
    RedHedd's Avatar
    RedHedd
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    What do you call a guy with no arms or legs...

    ...in front of the door?
    Matt

    ...in a ditch?
    Phil

    ...in your hot tub?
    Stu

    ...on your BBQ grill?
    Frank

    ...waterskiing
    Skip

    ...on a beach?
    Sandy

    ...in a pool?
    Bob

    ...on the wall?
    Art

    And what do you call his arms and legs?
    Pieces of Art

    What if he also doesn't have a tongue?
    Tasteless Art

    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs...

    ...in a pile of leaves?
    Russell

    Same guy after 6 months?
    Pete

    What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs in the water?
    Swimming trunks

    What do you call two guys with no arms & no legs hanging on a wall?
    Curt 'n Rod

    What do you call a guy with no legs and one arm, holding up your car?
    Jack

    What do you call a guy with no feet?
    Neil

    What do you call a woman with one leg shorter that the other?
    Eileen

    An Asian woman with the same affliction?
    Irene

    After the operation?
    Noleen

    What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground Beef

    What do you call a cow with only 2 legs?
    Lean Ground Beef

    Little Ms. Mitzi Mitts
    Our Photo Albums are
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    In memory of my beloved fur children, Goldie, Mishi and Mitzi.
    Rest in peace and play hard at the Rainbow Bridge.
    Goldie: 9/5/88 - 4/10/03
    Mishi: with us from 5/5/03 - 7/13/07
    Mitzi: with us from 4/19/03 - 1/23/10
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  2. 06-08-2006, 11:34 AM #2
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    RedHedd,

    Boy, you've got 'em all down pat. What did ya do, memorize them???

    BTW, ya forgot the PADAMPUMP (drum) at the end.

    Rest In Peace Casey (Bubba Dude) Your paw print will remain on my heart forever. 12/02
    Mollie Rose, you were there for me through good times and in bad, from the beginning.Your passing will leave a hole in my heart.We will be together "One Fine Day". 1994-2009
    MooShoo,you left me too soon.I wasn't ready.Know that you were my soulmate and have left me broken hearted.I loved you like no other. 1999 - 2010See you again "ONE FINE DAY"
    Maya Linn, my heart is broken. The day your beautiful blue eyes went blind was the worst day of my life.I only wish I could've done something.I'll miss your "premium" purr and our little "conversations". 1997-2013 See you again "ONE FINE DAY"

    DO NOT BUY WHILE SHELTER ANIMALS DIE!!
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  3. 06-08-2006, 11:48 AM #3
    Edwina's Secretary
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    And I thought I would get into trouble for telling the "no-arms no-legs jokes!"

    Oaky....there is a woman who has had terrrible luck with men. So she runs an ad in ther Personals....

    "Wanted: a man who won't beat me or run around with ohter women. Must be a good lover."

    Her door bell rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs. She tells him she already gave at the office.

    "No," he says, "I'm here to answer your ad."

    "But, but...." she says....

    He explains..."I have no arms so I won't beat you, I have no legs so I won't run around with other women."

    SHe replies...."But there was one other requirement."

    "How do you think I rang the door bell?"
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  4. 06-08-2006, 11:50 AM #4
    finn's mom's Avatar
    finn's mom
    finn's mom is offline love guster dont eat them
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edwina's Secretary

    "How do you think I rang the door bell?"
    hahahahahahahahahahahaha
    The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world. - Dr. Paul Farmer
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  5. 06-08-2006, 11:51 AM #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by moosmom
    RedHedd,

    Boy, you've got 'em all down pat. What did ya do, memorize them???

    BTW, ya forgot the PADAMPUMP (drum) at the end.
    Google is my friend!

    Little Ms. Mitzi Mitts
    Our Photo Albums are
    Here and Here
    In memory of my beloved fur children, Goldie, Mishi and Mitzi.
    Rest in peace and play hard at the Rainbow Bridge.
    Goldie: 9/5/88 - 4/10/03
    Mishi: with us from 5/5/03 - 7/13/07
    Mitzi: with us from 4/19/03 - 1/23/10
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  6. 06-08-2006, 11:55 AM #6
    finn's mom's Avatar
    finn's mom
    finn's mom is offline love guster dont eat them
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    I love the joke from Pulp Fiction.

    Mama Tomato, Papa Tomato and Baby Tomato are walking down the street together.

    Baby Tomato starts lagging behind.

    Papa Tomato gets really angry. Goes back to Baby Tomato.

    Steps on him and says.

    Ketchup.
    The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world. - Dr. Paul Farmer
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  7. 06-08-2006, 12:07 PM #7
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    Roflmao!!!!!

    Rest In Peace Casey (Bubba Dude) Your paw print will remain on my heart forever. 12/02
    Mollie Rose, you were there for me through good times and in bad, from the beginning.Your passing will leave a hole in my heart.We will be together "One Fine Day". 1994-2009
    MooShoo,you left me too soon.I wasn't ready.Know that you were my soulmate and have left me broken hearted.I loved you like no other. 1999 - 2010See you again "ONE FINE DAY"
    Maya Linn, my heart is broken. The day your beautiful blue eyes went blind was the worst day of my life.I only wish I could've done something.I'll miss your "premium" purr and our little "conversations". 1997-2013 See you again "ONE FINE DAY"

    DO NOT BUY WHILE SHELTER ANIMALS DIE!!
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  8. 06-08-2006, 01:51 PM #8
    smokey the elder
    smokey the elder is offline Occupant of Group W Bench
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    (With apologies to anyone with Hansen's Disease in the audience)...

    Why did they stop the leper hockey game?

    ...there was a face off in the corner!
    I've been finally defrosted by cassiesmom!
    "Not my circus, not my monkeys!"-Polish proverb
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  9. 06-08-2006, 02:13 PM #9
    finn's mom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by smokey the elder
    (With apologies to anyone with Hansen's Disease in the audience)...

    Why did they stop the leper hockey game?

    ...there was a face off in the corner!
    that's sick! i love it!
    The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world. - Dr. Paul Farmer
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