I don't usually go to Memorials, for some reason - but something drew me to open this one. I am so, so sorry for your loss, and after so much ordeal, followed by so much hope. I have a very special spot in my heart for blackies. You did what you thought was the very best for your cat, and you have nothing to scold yourself or doubt yourself for. Sometimes there are just mysteries in life - life itself, death itself - mysteries. I am so sorry, too, that you cannot achieve closure in respectfully disposing of her earthly remains, and that you have to wait. I understand your grief. I hope you don't add to it with any self blame. I care.