Which last name?

[Laura's Babies]

Without reading everyone elses responses I voted for the mothers last name because it will just make things easier in the future. Once the baby is here and the newness of it wears off, and the responsiabilities start building up, he is going to be history. He is only there right now because that is what is expected of him but I think it will get old fast.

Should I be wrong and they decide later to get married, all they have to do is a simple name change on the babies birth certificate later.

It will also create a lot of confusion with her having one name and the baby having another and they not being married... Everyone I know in this situation has given the baby the mothers last name.

[Queen of Poop]

My 2cents worth: Give the baby her name as they are not married. If they don't ever get married it will be easier for school, etc. if the child has the same last name as the mother. BUT, if they do get married change the babies last name to that of the husband/father, just like Ashley would likely change her name and use his.

[critter crazy]

well all i know is that when my mom had me she was not married and chose to give me her name instead of his!! which in my opinion was the best choice. Of course my father left us soon after i was born so, i am a little bias!

[moosmom]

Ashley on the other hand says he gets insulted and feels left out of all the baby stuff. She says he wants to be a part of it and got very hurt on Sunday at the shower when everyone was oohhhing and aahhhing over her and the baby, and basically ignored him.

He sounds VERY immature to me. Does he not understand that it's not about HIM, it's about the baby??? What's gonna happen when the baby is born? Is he going to get jealous because not enough attention is being paid to him??? He sounds like a real piece of work.

When the baby is born, is his name going on the birth certificate?? At the risk of sounding crude, "daddy" was simply a sperm donor, nothing more. I say give the baby HER last name with his last name in the middle. Maybe that'll be more of a compromise. Or, if it's a weird last name, just give the baby the first initial of his last name as her middle name. Kinda covers all the bases.

That's a toughie.

[Craftlady]

Mom's name.
Unless legal papers have been made stating his intentions to support financially, he has no right in my mind to have this child bear his last name. Also, my advise seek legal advise making sure there is no surprises once this child is born.

[Edwina's Secretary]

At the risk of sounding crude, "daddy" was simply a sperm donor, nothing more.

But...doesn't that make momma a sperm receiver....nothing more????

Poor guy....poor momma, poor child....

[shais_mom]

But...doesn't that make momma a sperm receiver....nothing more????

Poor guy....poor momma, poor child....

I have to agree here - calling "daddy" a sperm donor while Ashley is in a relationship with him is a bit harsh. He may be immature and not ideal but he is with her now. It'd be different if he was long gone. That said - I still firmly believe the baby should have Ashley's last name.
A co-worker of mine - her sister had a baby with a guy that she was dating at the time. When she had him he visited her in the hospital pushing her to name the baby after HIS dead father. When she agreed to name the baby after his dead father AND give the baby his last name he left her there and didn't even come pick her up when she was discharged. He also supposedly has at least 1 maybe 2 other children that are girls but he was all interested in this one b/c it was a boy.

[Rachel]

My 2cents worth: Give the baby her name as they are not married. If they don't ever get married it will be easier for school, etc. if the child has the same last name as the mother. BUT, if they do get married change the babies last name to that of the husband/father, just like Ashley would likely change her name and use his.

This is my thinking as well.

[Sevaede]

I voted for the mothers last name. My biological parents weren't married, heck, they never even last through the pregnancy, and I received her maiden name. That's not why I voted for her name though. I voted fem because I believe that there should be more reasons behind the name chosen, I see nothing wrong with giving the baby her name, and I don't think he/she should have the fathers name solely because "that's the way it's always been.".

In any case, good luck and vibes to Ash and ze baby!

[Pam]

Without reading everyone elses responses I voted for the mothers last name because it will just make things easier in the future. Once the baby is here and the newness of it wears off, and the responsiabilities start building up, he is going to be history. He is only there right now because that is what is expected of him but I think it will get old fast.

Should I be wrong and they decide later to get married, all they have to do is a simple name change on the babies birth certificate later.

It will also create a lot of confusion with her having one name and the baby having another and they not being married... Everyone I know in this situation has given the baby the mothers last name.

What she said.

My daughter's friend in high school was pregnant just like Ash. She went with her own name and it was a good thing. The boy disappeared shortly like a vapor. Never contributed a dime or a Pamper even. It would have been confusing, at least for her, to explain where the strange last name came from.

[kuhio98]

I guess I'm in the minority. I hope I'm not putting words in anyone's mouth, but what I get from the responses is that in order for the baby to have the father's last name, the father has to pass some sort of test.

The baby could have the father's last name if:
He marries the mother
He steps up to the plate
He financially supports the baby
He emotionally supports them

Why are there all these conditions? Does the mother have conditions? Does she have to pass some sort of test for the honor of giving the child her last name? Is not using his last name supposed to be some sort of punishment? If so, why should he be punished? What is he being punished for? Does the mother deserve punishment?

The reality is that he is the biological father. A child needs all the family it can get. Why start off by alienating half of its family? Are we pretending they don't exist? Don't matter? That's kind of silly, isn't it? Why deny reality?

As for it being easier if the child has the mother's last name ~ if she gets married some day and decides to change her name, she and the child will have different last names anyway. Her husband could always adopt the child and change his name. It's all complicated, so taking the mother's name just because it's "easier" isn't a very good reason (in my opinion).

Okay, I'm getting off my soapbox. I've contributed more than my 2 cents (more like 2 dollars!)

[lizbud]

If the father has acknowleded paternity & wants any paternal rights/
responsibily for the child, then use the father's name. If not use the
mothers last name.IMO.

[jenluckenbach]

I have not voted yet (and might just vote "flip a coin") because I am torn.

My own personal feelings are that unless the father is REALLY and TRULY a part of this baby's life, including all the hard stuff, Mom should be using her own last name. After all, she has already done 9 months of the HARD stuff. And she will more than likely be doing 90% of the hard stuff for quite a while (unless they go move in together somewhere). So YES.......the father is being "punished", in a way.

But I can see how tradition would expect it to be the father's last name.

SO I guess the answer to this question is what would Ahsley feel most comfortable calling her baby? Will she regret NOT using her name? Will she regret having to refer to the baby with a last name of a man who may run away from her? Does she HOPE they will marry and stay together?

If this were my situation and it were my baby, I would choose MY last name. I feel VERY strongly about this. What does Ashley feel VERY STRONGLY about? That is all that matters.

[Edwina's Secretary]

Why does it have to be either? I vote make up a totally different last name. Nothing, except tradition, says it must be one or the other.

And...except at the time of birth, adoption, marriage or divorce (of the individual ....not the child) it can be rather expensive to make a name change....

[flutter]

I'm at a lost I know that no matter what the baby's father will be in the baby's life even if we aren't together. The father and I have talked about that already (it wasn't a good talk because he did get upset and ask my why I thought we wouldn't be together). I really don't know what to do part of me wants to keep my last name because it would be easier but not because of custody battle because everyone know that the father has like a 10% chance in winnng even if it would has his last name. The other part of me say the baby should have his last name because it is his baby too and he is going to be a part of the baby's life. He just got a full time job (so that should show to everyone that he is trying) and I know that he hasn't bought anything for the baby yet thats just because he know that he will have to pay half the medical bills for me which he understands and is willing to do and plus right now we don't ready need anything we have enought baby care products for the first 3 month so when we start to get low he understands that he will have to buy diaper and the essentials. ok I have bought a lot of clothing for the baby but thats because I can't help it I like to shop and it not worth shopping for me now because I have a baby on the way. So I would rather shop for the baby. I know that there is something that he is going to buy the baby that he really want to buy which is sorta expensive but he has to wait till it born because its sorta a boy or girl item (of course it has to do with football and favorite teams).